Adamgem Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I had an abortion last April. The baby would have been born by now. I did not want to kill it but instead of going by my heart - I let my head rule. I feel that it was the worst mistake I have made in my life (and I've made quite a few). It is over between me and him but that does nothing to lessen the pain. I thought it was the wrong decision to have have a child I wasn't really in the position to look after even though he insisted he would always make sure it was well looked after. He thinks life is a wonderful gift. He is always very positive. I am often very negative. Now is one of those times. I hate myself for killing that child. I still love it even though it was never born. I can not imagine I will ever get over it. Please help me. Tell me I did the right thing. I can't stop crying. I am sorry to post this. I just need to let this out.
whichwayisup Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Grief counseling could help. You are still grieving that loss and talking about it, getting someone to help you cope with your decision, could lessen your pain and guilt that you feel. You also need to forgive yourself. Hugs. 5
hurtnomorerika Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I had an abortion last April. The baby would have been born by now. I did not want to kill it but instead of going by my heart - I let my head rule. I feel that it was the worst mistake I have made in my life (and I've made quite a few). It is over between me and him but that does nothing to lessen the pain. I thought it was the wrong decision to have have a child I wasn't really in the position to look after even though he insisted he would always make sure it was well looked after. He thinks life is a wonderful gift. He is always very positive. I am often very negative. Now is one of those times. I hate myself for killing that child. I still love it even though it was never born. I can not imagine I will ever get over it. Please help me. Tell me I did the right thing. I can't stop crying. I am sorry to post this. I just need to let this out. Hi, Im going through a tough situation now. I just found out Im pregnant a week ago. Im struggling with the decision of whether to keep the baby or abort. At this point, I know I will be supporting the baby w/o any help from him. I will have family to help. Im just so confused. I also feel that if I abort this baby it will haunt me forever. I dont know what to do. Reading your post just let me know that Im not alone. I feel so lost!
suki1 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 You did the right thing. It was the right thing because it was the right decision for you at the time, you can ask no more from yourself than that. Please seek counselling. I don't know which country you are from but if you're in the UK you can get free counselling through your GP for as long as you need. Please go accept the help you need xxx 2
justwhoiam Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Tell me I did the right thing. I can't stop crying. I am sorry to post this. I just need to let this out. Even if you are very fragile at the moment, I can't tell you you did the right thing. I feel for you. But please you need to accept that everyone makes mistakes. I for one make mistakes. Everyone on this earth. Just accept that you made a mistake. Don't hate yourself because of that. This will probably prevent you from making the same mistake in the future. How old are you? If it can make you feel any better, being pregnant and under a great deal of stress can lead to miscarriage. I lived that experience, so I know what it means, it's always a loss, even if in a different way. And to tell you the truth, there's always some sort of guilt even then, like maybe i shouldn't have gone to the bank with those xrays, or i took that exam and i shouldn't have, etc. It's just human that we think of many ifs. But things happen. Start being more positive for yourself. It will help you a lot. Look at the good things you have in your life, even the smallest ones. Life will give you other big chances. You'll be given the chance to love and make up for this mistake. Hugs. And keep writing if you feel down. Sure counselling and therapy will help you in the process. But you need to help yourself too out of this.
happyme Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Hello again Adamgem, As suki1 said: you did the right thing. And it's ok to mourn. It's ok to feel.... But you have a tendency to beat yourself up, and that's not good for you. As I said before, you lack self-confidence... the rest stems from that. Indeed, a good therapist could help you. Why not try it again...? Your main problem is a lack of confidence and that can most definitely be helped. Good luck xx
annabelle26 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I had an abortion last April. The baby would have been born by now. I did not want to kill it but instead of going by my heart - I let my head rule. I feel that it was the worst mistake I have made in my life (and I've made quite a few). It is over between me and him but that does nothing to lessen the pain. I thought it was the wrong decision to have have a child I wasn't really in the position to look after even though he insisted he would always make sure it was well looked after. He thinks life is a wonderful gift. He is always very positive. I am often very negative. Now is one of those times. I hate myself for killing that child. I still love it even though it was never born. I can not imagine I will ever get over it. Please help me. Tell me I did the right thing. I can't stop crying. I am sorry to post this. I just need to let this out. you know what, i had one years ago. that child would have been approaching 7 now. do i regret it? no. i regret the fact i became pregnant but not for terminating the pregnancy. why would i want to bring a child into a dysfunctional relationship? as a teen? what could i have offered him or her? nothing. i still couldnt now, im not ready its as simple as that. as far as the abortion police saying you 'murdered' - im not entirely sure how far along you were but i was 9 weeks. i didnt murder anything. i decided not to nurture something which could not at that point survive on its own. which im sure, given legal limits, is your case too. sometimes i feel pangs of what if, but ultimately tthe experience shaped who i am, who i will become. i know when the time is right i will be the best parent i can be. you should feel this too. 2
justwhoiam Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 @Tenacity: the OP asked for an opinion, and actually was looking for people telling her she did the right thing. She was asking for support. We do not have to agree with her decision and if we don't, we are free to express our point of view. Maybe the tone was a bit harsh, I agree on that. But I also agree that it's not right to sugar coat it. Awareness is important.
waterwoman Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Oh adamgem. So so sorry. I can't imagine how much it must hurt. You did the right thing because it was what you needed to do at the time. What else can anyone do? xx
seren Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I had an abortion last April. The baby would have been born by now. I did not want to kill it but instead of going by my heart - I let my head rule. I feel that it was the worst mistake I have made in my life (and I've made quite a few). It is over between me and him but that does nothing to lessen the pain. I thought it was the wrong decision to have have a child I wasn't really in the position to look after even though he insisted he would always make sure it was well looked after. He thinks life is a wonderful gift. He is always very positive. I am often very negative. Now is one of those times. I hate myself for killing that child. I still love it even though it was never born. I can not imagine I will ever get over it. Please help me. Tell me I did the right thing. I can't stop crying. I am sorry to post this. I just need to let this out. Adagem, I had an abortion when I was 13, I am now 55 and I have carried the memory of he or she each and every day, most women who have had an abortion would say the same. The decision is never taken lightly and sometimes, with the benefit of hindsight we think we were wrong and have what if moments. That you made that decision I am sure took a lot of thought about the what if's had you chosen to go ahead with your pregnancy, it was right at the time and you have no way of knowing how things would have panned out. It is usual for us (general) to berate ourselves at some point you will understand that it was the right decision at that time and while you will not forget, you will learn to not be so hard on yourself. No one, not one, knows how they will react if in the same situation as others, as they don't live their life. I mourn the child I aborted as much as I mourn miscarriages I have had. The reason why I had an abortion are not important, I just want to say that it is only yourself that can find peace with your decision and the suggestions to seek IC from a Woman's support group where there will be others who have walked in your shoes is a good one. Take care of yourself xx 2
happyme Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Well said natureboy. Also, what some people are not understanding (well, the judgemental ones that is) is that a person who feels lost and doesn't know their own strength and potential ie those who lack confidence... often do things which they then beat themselves up about at a later time. But what they 'did' was the best they could do at that time, being where and who they were at that time, with the knowledge and info they had at that time. It was clearly not a malicious decision, and that person is now suffering from guilt. And guilt for one's past actions is only ever useful as a catalyst for positive change. To keep on harping on at what a 'bad' thing it was is completely counter-productive. So when I say to Ademgem that she made the right decision, this does not pertain to 'abortion' or to whether it was 'right' or 'wrong' morally, it pertains only to the action she undertook at that moment in that set of circumstances and taking into account who she was at that time. Why was it the right thing to do at that moment? Because she did it. It could not have been any other way. The future, however, remains a blank slate and so I say let's move on and utilize this moment for the positive. Ademgem.... you did the best you could, so quit the self-sabotage, now. Going forward my only advice for you remains: work on your confidence. Find a therapist who can help you to discover your own strength... The negativity of judging, blaming, condemning and the like can never bring anything positive to anybody, including the one doing it.
Recommended Posts