Cats78 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I have only been married for one year. In late 2010 I was going through a divorce with my first husband and my current husband swooped right in at a time when I was very vulnerable. I have two small boys, he has three children (one is and adult and doesn't live with us). From the very beginning I had red flags. My gut was telling me to get away from him, but my heart kept giving in because he is very charming and manipulative. Over the two years we have been together, it has been a mentally exhausting roller coaster. On the outside, we appear to be the perfect blended family. Everyone in our community knows us, and we (especially me) always put on a happy face for others to appear as though we have it all together. A few weeks ago, I snapped! I had what I called a mental breakdown. I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't get out of bed. Many things came to light about my husband's unethical business practices, and all of his past poor decisions came flooding to the forefront, along with every red flag I had from the beginning that told me to run. It was then that I started googling some of his behaviors that I came across the definition of a narcissist. Pretty much everything I've read about narcissists sums up my husband. Now that in in this depressed state, he's manipulating that and twisting it around to fit his reality. I've asked him to leave, and he won't. Each day he stays here I feel like I die a little more. I just had the stomach flu, along with 3 of our 4 kids at home. He has been attending to me and caring for me so diligently. He says he loves me so much and he's convinced that separation is not the answer. I've started my own counseling and a low dose antidepressant. He claims to be receiving Christian counseling from a pastor friend. I believe be loves me but he'll say and do anything right now as to not lose me. If I don't stand my ground and I get sucked back in, I may never get out with my sanity. #1 priority is my two boys...which they should've been before I got into this mess. I live my husbands kids but I just can't see subjecting myself and my boys to his narcissistic mental games for the rest of our lives. I'm not even sure why I'm on this site and what I'm asking for. Just hoping someone will understand and have something meaningful to say that will give me some hope. Thank you for reading. It's hard to tell such a long story.
standtall Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Cats78..something aint adding up with your post..You claim this Many things came to light about my husband's unethical business practices, and all of his past poor decisions came flooding to the forefront, along with every red flag I had from the beginning that told me to run. It was then that I started googling some of his behaviors that I came across the definition of a narcissist. Pretty much everything I've read about narcissists sums up my husband. Yet, in the same paragraph, you claim this I just had the stomach flu, along with 3 of our 4 kids at home. He has been attending to me and caring for me so diligently. which doesn't sound too narcissistic to me. Actually, tending to you is exactly the opposite of what a narcissist would do. I think that this is the real issue is A few weeks ago, I snapped! I had what I called a mental breakdown. I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't get out of bed. and you need some help..maybe in-patient. 2
M30USA Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I agree with Standtall. A narcissist wouldn't care for a spouse who is sick. 1
LadyGrey Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 YESSSSS narcissists do take care of someone who is sick. Being a narcissist doesn't mean every moment is evil. Maybe you two should read up on what an NPD really is. OP, talk to a professional to help you get strong, so you can make your decision to stay or go. Personally.........I think you should go, you have no children with this man. FYI........I dated what I later found out, was a NPD, not formally diagnosed but he ticks all the boxes. They are sooo charming at first, they suck you in. The thing is, now that you are aware of it, it's best that you get away. The longer you stay, the more mind games and more damage is done. My 3 years with him...........yuck, so glad to be out of it. 2
standtall Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 YESSSSS narcissists do take care of someone who is sick. Being a narcissist doesn't mean every moment is evil. Maybe you two should read up on what an NPD really is. . I don't need to read up about NPD, I read her post, and it was enough to make me question her "internet diagnosis" of her husband. She aint no doctor, and by her own admission she had a "mental breakdown"..I would love to hear his version. What she described was contradictory..it was failing the common sense check..something that can be lacking around here.
whichwayisup Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I agree with Standtall. A narcissist wouldn't care for a spouse who is sick. Oh, when they want something they certainly will! They'll do anything and be so charming and loving. It's a game. Every narcissistic is capable of being loving, kind, giving and supportive. It's just on their terms, when they feel like it and if they can get something out of it somehow. 7
CptSaveAho Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Lets call this for what it is .... she rebounded with a rebounder The "narcissist" is a defense from her accepting responsibility for her own actions. Feelings are gone, now you are saying "oh ****" While I agree that you made a poor choice and you obviously care for him and his kids, you know its time to pull the chord but its also time to learn how to eat crow "Be honest and accept fault for your own actions" Edited December 3, 2012 by CptSaveAho 1
Mount Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I kind of agreeing standtall. The internet diagnosis is too much, almost every betrayed spouse/gf/bf claimed their WS being NPD. Anyone behaving bad, he/she is narcissist. Even myself declared my EX must be NPD, the current MM's behavior falls into the category of NPD. Even I think myself is narcissist too:eek::eek: Everyone is narcissist according to internet. So what. I don't need to read up about NPD, I read her post, and it was enough to make me question her "internet diagnosis" of her husband. She aint no doctor, and by her own admission she had a "mental breakdown"..I would love to hear his version. What she described was contradictory..it was failing the common sense check..something that can be lacking around here. 1
standtall Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Thanks for the injection of common sense mount
worldgonewrong Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 What's odd about the original post is there's not a lot of specifics about the husband's supposedly narcissistic behavior. Save for red flags and "Now that in in this depressed state, he's manipulating that and twisting it around to fit his reality", I'm not quite getting the picture here.
AsItIs Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Coming from a real narcissist (me) I will tell you, that it's CLASSIC narcissistic behavior for the OP's husband to charm & manipulate her back in, when she has had enough of him.His narcissistic supply is being threatened.He is going to be desperate to keep her around, if he has no other supply.Just be prepared for that & don't go back.He is an emotional vampire.It will drain you! Glad your seeing a therapist & take care of yourself & your kids.Goodluck! 1
Treasa Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Never thought I'd be happy to hear a narcissist weigh in after having dated two of them, but I'm glad you did, and I agree completely.
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