Quest4_TheLost Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 This question is for everyone. I have definetly been in situations where my male partners have been jealous of my male friends. In this case I had slept with the male friend and I cared about him but I care about all my friends. My partner at the time got furious about it so I ended up cutting the person out of my life. I now regret that decision. My question is where does it cross the line. Some women have male friends and vice versa. There is the side of some who will say you should have respect for your partner and how they feel. But where does that cross the line into your partner being controling and telling you who you can and can't be friends with. What if your friends with your exs? Do you cut all ties with your male or female friends just because your partner is the green eyed monster. Some will use that male and females can't just be friends there is always somthing more. Others will use that it all depends on how much you respect your partner. I can't stand jealousy. I think a relationship is built on trust and if my partner cant accept who I'm friends with. To me that says there is no trust and my partner has issues of their own they need to deal with. Where is your line drawn?
syw0806 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 You are right. A relationship should be based on trust. I would be bothered if my partner still cares about whoever he slept with though.. I remain as friends with my exes but I never care about them. Neither they do. We would call or text to just catch up how things going,, but it'd be like once few months.. like see if they still alive lol I think we all have different thoughts on this issue,, You should def. have convo about this when one of you feels insecure... You can always work things out. but if he doesn't understand you, you don't understand him, then I guess you two are not meant to be.
todreaminblue Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 This question is for everyone. I have definetly been in situations where my male partners have been jealous of my male friends. In this case I had slept with the male friend and I cared about him but I care about all my friends. My partner at the time got furious about it so I ended up cutting the person out of my life. I now regret that decision. My question is where does it cross the line. Some women have male friends and vice versa. There is the side of some who will say you should have respect for your partner and how they feel. But where does that cross the line into your partner being controling and telling you who you can and can't be friends with. What if your friends with your exs? Do you cut all ties with your male or female friends just because your partner is the green eyed monster. Some will use that male and females can't just be friends there is always somthing more. Others will use that it all depends on how much you respect your partner. I can't stand jealousy. I think a relationship is built on trust and if my partner cant accept who I'm friends with. To me that says there is no trust and my partner has issues of their own they need to deal with. Where is your line drawn? I am friends with both my exes, one of them i don't see he lives interstate, I talk to him on the phone, due to the type of relationship i had with this ex i would understand jealousy if i had a partner......i have chosen not to see this ex again ...i am over him but we had a combustible sex life...i wouldn't take the risk of it reigniting in person I dont want to be put in that situation that is realism i would avoid that situation of being alone with him....i hav eset boundaries on phone calls.......i think it is fair for a partner to expect you don't spend time with exes alone that you have slept with......i have an ex staying with me at the moment he had nowhere to stay but he has to go ...its been too long and he needs to have his own life...for my life to move on and his life to move on he has to go, not for anyone else..and i am not sleeping with him either.... i think when in a relationship you have to give your partner first priority,consider his feelings above your exes, yes there should be trust but a current relationship is priority over an old one......and that includes ex friendships.....there should be a level of compromise if there is honesty it can work....choosing an ex over a current means that person is more important to you....and honestly,exes are exes for a reason.........a current boyfriend should be your future not the relationship from the past that fact is just logic.....deb
Author Quest4_TheLost Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I definetly agree with the ex being part of your past kind of thing if thats how you want it. Especially if there are still feelings involved. But in that case I don't think trying to have a relationship with someone is a good idea until you get your own issues out of the way and feel completley platonic towards them. What about a female swaying towards having more male friends or vice versa (platonic). Do you push them out of your life for your partner?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I tend to get jealous, but the problem with me has been that so far, the only relationship I've been in was with a guy who checked out other women even in front of me, and who traveled a lot for work, and kept talking about how he met this or that woman at the hotel bar. Also, he went to Thailand a few times every year. So there were enough grounds not to trust him, plus he wasn't nearby so I had NO clue who he was interacting with, etc. To a certain extent, jealousy is normal. If your partner is acting weird around other women, and is not making any efforts to dispel any doubts you MIGHT have (even if you have not voiced them) about what's going on between them, then it's partly his fault.
Author Quest4_TheLost Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Wow what a douchebag!!! Yes I totally agree jealous is normal and healthy to a point. I would say from your story I can totally understand why you would be jealous of that situation infact if you wern't upset about it, I wouldn't see that as normal. It also gets tougher as a lot of us have been hurt or cheated on and have major trust issues and its really HARD not to bring those insecurities into new relationships. I myself am def guilty of that. If I were uncomfortable about a situation I would bring it up and try talking about it to resolve it. Even being jealous though I wouldn't ask a bf to give up their friends for me. But some people really are willing to drop all their friends for a partner's comfort. I just feel this kind of jealousy makes for a unhealthy relationship.
todreaminblue Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) I definetly agree with the ex being part of your past kind of thing if thats how you want it. Especially if there are still feelings involved. But in that case I don't think trying to have a relationship with someone is a good idea until you get your own issues out of the way and feel completley platonic towards them. What about a female swaying towards having more male friends or vice versa (platonic). Do you push them out of your life for your partner? I think that feeling platonic thing is something that should not be tested even if you have that platonic feeling.....doesnt guarantee nothing will happen....most of the time when a current partner feels jealousy....its because of this....there are no guarantees......weakness or old feelings can resurface......in some situations....highly charged sexual liasons......mine lasted fifteen years ......some memories dont die......i am faithful in a relationship.....i would not put myself in a situation where i woudl cheat....cheating is possible for even the strongest of hearts.....as is any addiction given food or fuel.....it can flame up....... i am more likely to fool around with an ex if i were single.....considering i am celibate now out of a relationship and have been for many years even with opportunity.... i would still not risk a current relationship...by entertaining the thought of having alone time with an ex who i had a highly sexual relationship with....that is honest and working on issues.... i have sexual desire now and am not with anyone....and i know i will still be celibate until i am with the right person....when that person comes along i will maintain no alone time or physical contact with the ex....prevention is always better than cure....soemtimes there is no cure....so you prevent anything from happening in the first place.....even if it wouldnt happen and you felt strongly about being platonic, why take that chance.. as far as having more male friends......i always have had more male friends than female friends.....i have two close female friends.....male friends come and go......normally when i say ....nah not happening they fade out..the best male friends i have had have been in committed relationships and guys that have been respectful of me......if i had a partner who was insecure about any friends i had....my main aim would be to make him secure by showing him why he can trust me....by not wanting to hang with guys that made him insecure..........deb Edited December 3, 2012 by todreaminblue
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