The guy i slept with told my husband i cheated on him!

[LeahM]

My husband and I have recently become frustrated with each other, Not agreeing on much and are having many conflicts but he has told me many times that he wants to fix the problems with us. Last week we had a very heated argument & he ended up staying at a friends place. The next night when i was out with my friends my ex was there, We had a bitter break up but still have some mutual friends, When we dated we had a very intense relationship, Him being my 1st sexual partner, We loved each other maybe a little too much, He was very jealous, possessive but we had a bitter break up and still have mutual friends. Long story short - I ended sleeping with him, I had alot to drink & was upset but deep down i knew what i was doing so i take full responsibility, My husband doesn't know him. I honestly love my husband and i hate that i hurt him like i did, I hate myself for what i've done to him. My ex came by my job while i was on lunch saying he wants me back in his life permanently, That he still loves me etc. He tried to kiss me but i told him to stay away from me although he is the type that doesn't back down, When i was with him i felt so relaxed and free & i haven't felt like that in a long time.

 

Two days ago my husband came home early, Thankfully our 3yo son was with my sister, He told me that some guy had come by his firehouse saying that i had slept with him, My husband started shouting at me, which he never done before, to tell him if it was true and felt sick and couldn't help crying but i told him the truth, After i had told him he looked at me and walked out. When i got home that night he had smashed the bathroom mirror and spent the night at his friends place. Although he's now back home he wont acknowledge me at all, even if i try to touch him he walks away from me, We have been together 7yrs & i have never seen him so angry with me. I can barely sleep at night and I cant get this off my mind, I keep crying thinking how much i screwed up and i don't know what he will do next, I know that i stand to lose everything, I desevere everything i get and i don't blame him for hating me but I cant lose him. Please give me advice on how to save my family?

[IT Geek]

Prayer. People blame alcohol all the time for their actions and that just doesn't cut it. You should have been thinking about your son instead of your horniness.

[meandmyself]

My husband and I have recently become frustrated with each other, Not agreeing on much and are having many conflicts but he has told me many times that he wants to fix the problems with us. Last week we had a very heated argument & he ended up staying at a friends place. The next night when i was out with my friends my ex was there, We had a bitter break up but still have some mutual friends, When we dated we had a very intense relationship, Him being my 1st sexual partner, We loved each other maybe a little too much, He was very jealous, possessive but we had a bitter break up and still have mutual friends. Long story short - I ended sleeping with him, I had alot to drink & was upset but deep down i knew what i was doing so i take full responsibility, My husband doesn't know him. I honestly love my husband and i hate that i hurt him like i did, I hate myself for what i've done to him. My ex came by my job while i was on lunch saying he wants me back in his life permanently, That he still loves me etc. He tried to kiss me but i told him to stay away from me although he is the type that doesn't back down, When i was with him i felt so relaxed and free & i haven't felt like that in a long time.

 

Two days ago my husband came home early, Thankfully our 3yo son was with my sister, He told me that some guy had come by his firehouse saying that i had slept with him, My husband started shouting at me, which he never done before, to tell him if it was true and felt sick and couldn't help crying but i told him the truth, After i had told him he looked at me and walked out. When i got home that night he had smashed the bathroom mirror and spent the night at his friends place. Although he's now back home he wont acknowledge me at all, even if i try to touch him he walks away from me, We have been together 7yrs & i have never seen him so angry with me. I can barely sleep at night and I cant get this off my mind, I keep crying thinking how much i screwed up and i don't know what he will do next, I know that i stand to lose everything, I desevere everything i get and i don't blame him for hating me but I cant lose him. Please give me advice on how to save my family?

 

I don't know if you want anyone here to feel it for you but actually I am very sorry for your husband and I hope he will divorce you.... so you have an argument with him and you go to sleep with someone else? You claim you love your husband? how can you love him and betray him in the worse way possible....

 

I am happy your ex uncovered you even when it was for the wrong reasons....

 

You are claiming you are suffering so much? Can you imagine how your husband is suffering just because you are too selfish to control yourself?

 

Really I don't understand what are you looking for here...

[KathyM]

I think all you can do now is to keep telling him you made a terrible mistake, and feel so very bad how this has hurt him. Tell him you wish you could undo what you so foolishly and carelessly did, and would give anything to be able to undo it. Tell him that you hope that, in time, he will be able to forgive you, and how sorry you are that you have hurt him. That's all you can do.

[road]

Married women do not have girls night out or get drunk alone without their husband.

 

Next you need to never go out at night alone again. You broke the trust your husband had for you.

 

You need to let your BH know where you are at all times. When you get to work call on land line so your BH knows you are there by the ph no.

 

Shopping, call your BH when you get there. Call him when you leave the store for home.

 

Let BH have access to you cell phone. A BH needs to see and verfiy that his WW is not where she is not supose to be.

 

Get the book Surving An Affair by Dr Harley. This book will help you and your BH recover from the affair.

[whichwayisup]

My ex came by my job while i was on lunch saying he wants me back in his life permanently, That he still loves me etc. He tried to kiss me but i told him to stay away from me although he is the type that doesn't back down, When i was with him i felt so relaxed and free & i haven't felt like that in a long time.

This is honest and somewhere to start off with, when your husband calms down and is ready to talk. Back off and let him have his space. Don't follow him, don't go touching him, just focus on why you chose to cheat on your husband.

 

You two haven't been getting along. Okay, that is natural and it happens in marriages..Fights and arguments happen. But, that isn't a justification to get drunk and hop into bed with an ex, someone you felt familiar with, someone you used to love and feel a lot of passion with. You risked a lot to escape from your problems at home.

 

Seek counseling. Go on your own and ask your husband to go to marriage counseling with you as well. Use the same person for both.

[Bryanp]

Maybe a sincere letter of apology would help. What would you want if your husband cheated on you with his ex? In addition, you should get checked for STD's as well. Good luck.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Sorry for all the hostile comments. I recommend the wayward forum over on Surviving Infidelity. This place has a lot of angry betrayed spouses (BSs)

 

anywhere, here's my thoughts

 

1) yes give him space, but make it clear you love him and want him to stay with you.

2) Tell him the whole truth, whatever he asks for. Don't leave things out. This is called "trickle truth" and can be more damaging to trust than the affair itself...even though ppl think they are "saving" their spouse. Every lie or white lie will set you back to square 1. Don't underestimate your H's intelligence or passion to find the truth for himself.

3) Be transparent, don't object if he snoops, spies, whatever. Tell him where you are going, etc.

4) Be loving if he allows it.

5) Apologize a lot, good apologies, legitimize his pain, express shame, show him what you will do to make up for it

6) Go no contact with your ex, never ever see him again. Write your ex a letter telling him so and show your husband. If your ex contacts you, SHOW your husband immediately, do not hide it.

7) Go to marriage counseling with someone who specializes in infidelity cases.

 

Probably I left something out, but these things are essential.

Edited December 3, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Sorry for all the hostile comments. I recommend the wayward forum over on Surviving Infidelity. This place has a lot of angry betrayed spouses (BSs)

 

anywhere, here's my thoughts

 

1) yes give him space, but make it clear you love him and want him to stay with you.

2) Tell him the whole truth, whatever he asks for. Don't leave things out. This is called "trickle truth" and can be more damaging to trust than the affair itself...even though ppl think they are "saving" their spouse. Every lie or white lie will set you back to square 1. Don't underestimate your H's intelligence or passion to find the truth for himself.

3) Be transparent, don't object if he snoops, spies, whatever. Tell him where you are going, etc.

4) Be loving if he allows it.

5) Apologize a lot, good apologies, legitimize his pain, express shame, show him what you will do to make up for it

6) Go no contact with your ex, never ever see him again. Write your ex a letter telling him so and show your husband. If your ex contacts you, SHOW your husband immediately, do not hide it.

7) Go to marriage counseling with someone who specializes in infidelity cases.

 

Probably I left something out, but these things are essential.

 

Don't call it a "mistake". People don't mistakenly get naked and screw.

 

Go to IC and MC (individual and marriage counseling)

[meandmyself]

Married women do not have girls night out or get drunk alone without their husband.

 

Next you need to never go out at night alone again. You broke the trust your husband had for you.

 

You need to let your BH know where you are at all times. When you get to work call on land line so your BH knows you are there by the ph no.

 

Shopping, call your BH when you get there. Call him when you leave the store for home.

 

Let BH have access to you cell phone. A BH needs to see and verfiy that his WW is not where she is not supose to be.

 

Get the book Surving An Affair by Dr Harley. This book will help you and your BH recover from the affair.

 

 

Ohh please Dr Harley again no!!!!

 

Just let the guy take his decision... you already took yours!

[William]

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