Hes everything i ever wanted..

[A.S]

I met this guy 2 months ago..at first i didn't like him..but i kept dating him i thought well maybe it will change coz everything else seemed perfect.were both dentists almost same age hes 25 im 24 hes specializing now so i felt like i can always ask him anything i needed to know and hed have all the answers...we had soo much in common..i remember that day we were at this coffee place when i felt something towards him..i loved it..i was happy..i knew i was falling for him and i was excited coz i thought its been a long time since i felt that way...and it all started from here...it was everything i ever wanted..we shared laughter tears..we spent ours and ours together..yes they were only 2 months but it felt like years..2 weeks ago things began to change..and i thought its becoz theyre having their midterms and stuff and he was stressed work..school..and maybe coz i didnt accept what was going on so i blamed him constantly it was like we were together the whole time and suddenly i found myself asking him if hes free tonight or if i should pass by to see him and stuff. he got busy thats it and i didnt like it coz he got me used to something constant care attention love so i felt like i was losing him..i needed him around..so we fought several times until a few days ago..that was the biggest fight..we didnt talk for 4 days when i thought oh well im gona go talk to him..maybe we can work this out..so i went to the clinic he works at and we talked..we talked about everything that bothers each of us and it was just like those talks where we reach to a solution and fix things..but this time it was different..we agreed that we have 2 choices either we try to fix things and put effort in this thing or we break up..he asked me what do u want..i said i love you...ofcourse i want this..and when i asked him what he wanted he stood silent for a while just thinking then he went like this is not gona work out..if we dont break up now were gona break up next month or the month after and if we get married were gona get divorced..he said i have no idea how much he loves me but he want me to be happy..he said that i love him but i also hate his guts in the same time. i was crying the whole time..and i know those are just excuses...just ****ed up excuses he came up with..he was confused..he said its not my fault im a great girl its him..he said hes never gona be able to change,,i told him no body will ever love him the way i did and that i would have done anything for him..i reminded him of everything we had together and that if you love somebody there shouldnt be a place for ur damn mind to take decisions.i told him i dont know how am i going to wake up the next morning with him not in my life he said he wishes he would never wake up again..it was sad...i didnt say much..i was crying the whole time and then i left..i deactivated my facebook account a few days ago and i just dont have the heart to reactivate coz i have his friends on my friend list and they constatnly post photos and statuses.i deleted his number so i dont have him on my whatsapp now...but im sure he can see my statuses if he still has my number on his phone and that bothers me. im travelling for 10 days at the end of dec.i dont know what should i do..i decided not to wait for him..but i always feel i need answers i need somebody to tell me why did he do this..why did he say he loved me that much and that i was his everything..why did he say he wanted a family with me..why did he show love care and made promises when he was planning to leave...