Hour 2 of NC

[Nb1988]

My ex broke it off with me almost a month ago. In that month I've contacted her a few times. She always responds but it's very cold. I love her to death and that's why in this past month I've acted like an idiot. The longest we've gone without talking was about two weeks. Then on Thanksgiving I messaged her wishing her a happy thanksgiving and told her I missed her. She told me she missed me too and I thought maybe the lines of communication had been opened back up. I was wrong.

 

I waited a few days to message her again when I did she replied "good luck with everything". I didn't know what to think. I was hurt. I woke up a couple of days later missing her so much. I worked all day and all I could think about was her. I have to drive by her work everyday, so one way home that day I saw her car and I don't know why I did this, but I did. I stopped in and tried to say hi..needless to say it went horrible. When I arrived home I wrote her an sappy e-mail telling her how much I miss her. She responded but not how I wanted her to in the least.

 

I messaged her again last night and she was yet again cold. It's been about a month since she broke up with me. She said she didn't feel the same anymore. I think I'm finally getting the point but I'm only about half a day into this NC thing and it's so hard. I don't know what to do.

[Balzac]

Do is an action verb. The only "do" on your list of good decisions is move on. Focus action on yourself.

 

Stop contacting her, thinking about what she's doing or thinking.

[ponette]

sorry you're hurting. PLEASE give your ex the space she needs right now. you need the space too. show her that you respect her by respecting her space, and by doing so, you demonstrate strength and self-respect. relentless pursuit isn't attractive when it is unwanted. IF there are 'points' to be scored, you'll rack them in spades leaving her alone for now, ok?

 

post here everytime you want to contact her. we're here for you.

[Nb1988]

I appreciate it. It's so hard. Everyday seems like such an eternity and struggle. The first thing I think about when I wake up is her and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep is her. I have no motivation to do anything at all.

[Balzac]

00ps I neglected to welcome you to LS. Sorry about that.

 

You're in an unhappy, rough place. It gets better. Lots of LS people have suffered through this and lived to tell about better times.

 

Vent here, hang out and read, you'll get lots of support here.

 

Summon up every ounce of strength and pride within you.

[ponette]

i remember feeling just like you did- it WILL get better.

 

for now, the focus must be on you. IF there is hope for a reconciliation, you will annihilate it by continually contacting her, so stay away and concentrate on you, difficult as this may be in the most raw of breakup stages.

 

continued contact will also deprive you of your dignity, as balzac has said.

 

keep posting.

[Nb1988]

I just feel so alone right now. Thoughts of our future when we were good keep popping into my mind and I think about how can I save that future so it happens. I don't want to let go of it all. It scares me to death. I have this horrible feeling of anxiety and this pit in my stomach feeling that I can't shake. I zero appetite and can't eat at all. This feels awful.

 

I went through this with an ex about 6 yrs ago and I got over it but I vowed to myself to never feel like this again and here I am.

[ponette]

i feel for you. the first few months after a breakup are the absolute WORST. the constant nausea, the insomnia, the obsessive, circular thinking.

 

i think as we age, the difficulty of breakups increases because we mature, invest more, and feel more deeply.

 

please hear me when i tell you that constant communication right now will have the opposite effect that you are intending. IF there's hope, you must leave her alone for awhile. begging and pleading just compromises your dignity and makes you look weak. give yourself the space to breathe.

 

anxiety narrows our focus; this could turn out in more than two ways, ok?

[leo88]

Don’t text her. She’s probably already over you. You only want to text her now out of fear that she might be talking to someone else. If an ex never tries to contact you after you go no-contact with her, the relationship wasn’t going to work anyways.

 

So, once you’ve initiated no-contact comes the whole freeze out phase. The tough part is going to be holding out on secks, and subduing your OWN imagination. If you’re not in a relationship, you can use this time to spin more plates. If you ARE in a relationship, you’re going to have to rely on your hands or get a custom made flesh light with pressure points.

Cut off all those thoughts about “what if this was a mistake and she’s found someone else?” Women are hypergamous, if she WAS interested in you, then this will increase her interest level further, making her LESS likely to find someone else than when you WERE with her. It’s a counter-intuitive idea, so read that over and commit it to memory. If you’re going no-contact with an ex, and she ends up getting over you, it means you had no chance in the first place. There is no loss that can come from going no-contact to fix attraction. It can ONLY backfire in a relationship lacking rapport, where the girl might end up seeking comfort elsewhere rather than continuing to desire it from you.

Hypothetically if she has secks with someone else because you went no-contact, but her interest DID increase for you, it still means she has to go. What does it tell you about her? Would it be smart to get into an LTR anyways? Remember it is always energy better spent pursuing a new relationship than trying to fix a damaged one.

When you RE-ENGAGE after the freeze out, it must occur naturally. Again, you need to avoid coming off as a sulking beta. Generally that means you should either wait for HER to contact you, and then slowly build up the tension rather than suddenly going all in (“HEYY! HAVEN’T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE!!! YIPEKIYAY!”); or you could “accidently” re-engage her through an “unintentional” meet-up, a non- sequitur text, or something diabolical of that sort.

WHEN you re-engage her, there’s a chance she might confront you about going no-contact. Play it off like the evil genius you are. It’s important here NOT to give in to the temptation of pointing out that you were ignoring her because of some precise reason. Don’t even hint indirectly towards it by saying “I had to think over some things” or “I had re-evaluate us.” None of that ****. If you really HAVE to make it obvious, then opt for a lame excuse. “My dog was sick, I was down for a couple of days.” Women are much better at making inferences and reading between the lines than you think, you can trust her intuition to get the point.

No-contact should be regularly applied in controlled doses to build a relationship. It should NOT be uncontrollably dabbed all over the place or used for extended periods of time for no reason. You want to build a GOOD relationship, not test the boundaries of a bad one.

[cavalier99]

Don’t text her. She’s probably already over you. You only want to text her now out of fear that she might be talking to someone else. If an ex never tries to contact you after you go no-contact with her, the relationship wasn’t going to work anyways.

 

So, once you’ve initiated no-contact comes the whole freeze out phase. The tough part is going to be holding out on secks, and subduing your OWN imagination. If you’re not in a relationship, you can use this time to spin more plates. If you ARE in a relationship, you’re going to have to rely on your hands or get a custom made flesh light with pressure points.

Cut off all those thoughts about “what if this was a mistake and she’s found someone else?” Women are hypergamous, if she WAS interested in you, then this will increase her interest level further, making her LESS likely to find someone else than when you WERE with her. It’s a counter-intuitive idea, so read that over and commit it to memory. If you’re going no-contact with an ex, and she ends up getting over you, it means you had no chance in the first place. There is no loss that can come from going no-contact to fix attraction. It can ONLY backfire in a relationship lacking rapport, where the girl might end up seeking comfort elsewhere rather than continuing to desire it from you.

Hypothetically if she has secks with someone else because you went no-contact, but her interest DID increase for you, it still means she has to go. What does it tell you about her? Would it be smart to get into an LTR anyways? Remember it is always energy better spent pursuing a new relationship than trying to fix a damaged one.

When you RE-ENGAGE after the freeze out, it must occur naturally. Again, you need to avoid coming off as a sulking beta. Generally that means you should either wait for HER to contact you, and then slowly build up the tension rather than suddenly going all in (“HEYY! HAVEN’T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE!!! YIPEKIYAY!”); or you could “accidently” re-engage her through an “unintentional” meet-up, a non- sequitur text, or something diabolical of that sort.

WHEN you re-engage her, there’s a chance she might confront you about going no-contact. Play it off like the evil genius you are. It’s important here NOT to give in to the temptation of pointing out that you were ignoring her because of some precise reason. Don’t even hint indirectly towards it by saying “I had to think over some things” or “I had re-evaluate us.” None of that ****. If you really HAVE to make it obvious, then opt for a lame excuse. “My dog was sick, I was down for a couple of days.” Women are much better at making inferences and reading between the lines than you think, you can trust her intuition to get the point.

No-contact should be regularly applied in controlled doses to build a relationship. It should NOT be uncontrollably dabbed all over the place or used for extended periods of time for no reason. You want to build a GOOD relationship, not test the boundaries of a bad one.

 

I vote PURE NC. Read again NC..end the misery. I gets better but you CANT communicate..AT ALL.

 

The way I see it is pure detox time! Lock down. Think 12 step program... Have some one tie you up and restrain you. I mean hey ...get rid of all electronics for a month if needed.

 

Take any and all measure OR this will drive u insane. Not kidding.

 

NC is all that you should be thinking now. Read again. NC. this is your path out of the torment and what you need to do now.