skylark100 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I have been on a few dates with a girl, though we had been talking daily since the middle of October. She is a bit older than me (3 years), quite successful, and career oriented. She admitted there was a connection and chemistry, and everything seemed to be going well, the gerenal signs were positive. Kissing, hand holding, early morning texts, goodnight texts, and the fact that SHE said she was not interested in dating anyone else for now, and wasn't into dating 'games'. I was a bit surprised - but decided to go along with it, she really seemed sweet. We were supposed to meet, but she blew me off last minute - some sort of crisis at work (red flag). We continued to talk, but it was colder (Red flag). I decided to lay low and the contact has become less frequent. Until one morning she texted me really early knowning I had something big coming up that I told her about a while ago. That was a bit surprising in itself. Didn't hear anything for a couple days, and then she left me a message saying that she was really busy, but everything was good. I'm totally confused. My heart say continue on, my head says move on. I feel this is a classic example of being strung along. Thoughts?
Car10e Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 To me, it sounds like she's just busy. Maybe thats a red flag for you, if you think she won't have time for you.
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Everything is noise other than 1. Accepting your next specific date invitation or suggesting an alternate specific plan if there is a schedule conflict, and 2. Enthusiastically responding to your escalating, respectful physical advances. Noise is hearing things like "I don't want to date anyone else, not into dating games," and all texts and what is said in them. Try not to build false intimacy with lots of extraneous contact during the early dating period. Contact to ask out, and that's pretty much it other than face to face. Once they reject or cancel two dates, move on. Keep your dating life binary, keep yourself sane. Results will improve as well. 2
er1n Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I am a girl, and I did the same thing to a guy I wasnt that into... I was also seeing someone else which sounds bad, but I am always honest and told him i was dating around. I had only been talking to him for a couple weeks so thats normal. You guys have been dating for a few months now, so I think if she were losing interest, she would just come out and say it at this point. She may just be very busy in reality or she wouldn't have remembered the little details she texted you about. When I'm super into a guy, I cant wait to see him and hang out with him and I will even adjust my schedule sometimes just to be with him. When im not that into a guy, its OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND. So if I were you, I'd just really watch for any other red flags and take note of them. If this continues, confront her and ask where shes thinks it going. Until then, just be cool and calm, but dont be a lay down. I love a guy who has self respect; the easy lay downs can come across as fake and too accommodating to take themselves or the r/s seriously just because they are too infatuated...that's not real love, that's just surface stuff and it makes me feel like i'll never know what they really think or feel about anything because they are only concerned about anything im wanting or thinking. I want it to be real and raw and for us to click with chemistry and compatibility for the real right reasons mutually. Good luck!!
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) I've done the same before, but only on online dating, where I haven't met the person before and we've only chatted online. If I don't like the person enough, or if he made some crude sexual jokes while we chatted online (happens SO often it's not even funny), or did other stuff that I consider a red flag, or came across as too needy (without even having met), or too bitchy as a man (complaining about the smallest things), I try to wiggle my way out of meeting him by coming up with excuses (because, if I'm uncomfortable talking to him online, imagine how bad it would be if I met him in person). I rarely if ever just tell him outright, I'm no longer interested in you. That just feels too awkward... Edited December 2, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
carlosquintas Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 do not waste too much time with here, that can be an excuse , he could have found someone new, also you do not need to be depressed, there is many nice women and maybe if you give him less attention, she may re-earn interest
Author skylark100 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Everything is noise other than 1. Accepting your next specific date invitation or suggesting an alternate specific plan if there is a schedule conflict, and 2. Enthusiastically responding to your escalating, respectful physical advances. Noise is hearing things like "I don't want to date anyone else, not into dating games," and all texts and what is said in them. Try not to build false intimacy with lots of extraneous contact during the early dating period. Contact to ask out, and that's pretty much it other than face to face. Once they reject or cancel two dates, move on. Keep your dating life binary, keep yourself sane. Results will improve as well. Interesting perspective, thanks. Unfortunately irrational feelings can lead to assumptions that are not logical, and sometimes get the better of us. Am I to assume that everything she has said to me, (that is extraneous), should not be taken at face value? If that is the case, then I have clearly built a false bond based on nothing but many conversations and a few dates. I will give it a chance and see were it develops, she hasn't said she wants to stop dating or even suggested anything close to it. She has just become distant. Which lead me to believe that she was stringing me along. Cheers!
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