Wunlov3 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Hello everyone! I don't really know where to begin as I'm unfamiliar with the netiquette of online forums. At the same time, English is not my first language so the things I say often get misinterpreted. I'm just not good at communicating whether it's online or offline. Anyway, I just wanted to throw out a quick question to the ladies on loveshack: Why is it that most women, at least the ones I've interacted with, are hardly ever honest with their male friends when it comes to issues about dating? I mean a lot of the guys I know are often blunt when you ask them for advice, but the girls always beat around the bush and try to fill your head with things like, "you're such a nice and lovable guy" or "I'd definitely date you". I understand not wanting to be blunt or harsh, but why do some of them sugar coat things to make you sound like the best thing since sliced bread? I've seen this done to my male friends and I can't say it's good advice because most of them are still single.
mesmerized Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Sometimes honesty is just not the best policy. No man truly wants to hear that he's unattractive or his penis is just too small. Yeah he might think he wants to know the truth but the truth will only hurt him beyond it can be repaired. If I think there is something with a guy that can be fixed, ill be honest with him but if not I won't be unless he specifically asks for brutal honesty and signs a paper that he can handle it! Edited December 2, 2012 by mesmerized
aed Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Sometimes honesty is just not the best policy. No man truly wants to hear that he's unattractive or his penis is just too small. Yeah he might think he wants to know the truth but the truth will only hurt him beyond it can be repaired. If I think there is something with a guy that can be fixed, ill be honest with him but if not I won't be unless he specifically asks for brutal honesty and signs a paper that he can handle it! I don´t understand this attitude. Why say things that will give them 5 sec hope and will hurt them even more in the long run. This is how a discrepanty is created, because the things he begins to believe wont ad up with the results. People get unhappy about that. Just see how frustrated and hopeless some of the guys are here As a Guy i would suggest: When A close male friend is asking: tell him the truth! (Because if someone aint honest, then what is to point of being their friend?) Telling the truth is not the same as being rude. Then it is up to him what he does with it. And being short azian, etc is not a reason why someone doesn't have a gf! Also if he only thinks he needs to sleep with 11+ victoria secret models (a.k.a. 'Shallow Hall') advise them to quit watching porn, reading playboy or any other unrealistic female pictures and to stop mastrubating for 3 months. Edited December 2, 2012 by aed
joystickd Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Sometimes honesty is just not the best policy. No man truly wants to hear that he's unattractive or his penis is just too small. Yeah he might think he wants to know the truth but the truth will only hurt him beyond it can be repaired. If I think there is something with a guy that can be fixed, ill be honest with him but if not I won't be unless he specifically asks for brutal honesty and signs a paper that he can handle it! that is something that applies to both genders. 2
CarrieT Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 that is something that applies to both genders. ^^^ THIS ^^^ What the OP is describing is not indicative of women but people in general. Look at the gay community for confirmation; there are just as many lesbians bemoaning the lack of honesty as there are gay men when it comes to dating. This is not a female-only issue by any stretch of the imagination! 1
yongyong Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Because they don't owe you sxit. Why do they have to make their themselves feel uncomfortable to tell you the truth??? Even for parents, if it's a sensitive subject, they will just avoid talking to their kids (like sex related)
mesmerized Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Women are lied to too. We're told men have variety of Tastes in women, that they like a cute easy going girls. When in reality the majority of them go after the same looK or at least wish for the same thing. It does go both ways.
Author Wunlov3 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I can't address everyone individually because I'm using my phone. I understand the part that people don't truly want to hear the truth, but why sugar coat "the guy"? If it were me I'd prefer to be told that I'm probably not meeting the right girls instead of being told how great I am all the time whilst having zero success when it comes to dating.
Taramere Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I can't address everyone individually because I'm using my phone. I understand the part that people don't truly want to hear the truth, but why sugar coat "the guy"? If it were me I'd prefer to be told that I'm probably not meeting the right girls instead of being told how great I am all the time whilst having zero success when it comes to dating. The thing is that you're asking your female friends to second guess the reasons why these women you're interested in don't want to date you. They're in no better position than you are to make an accurate guess there. Less, even. Unless of course they were present at the interactions you had with those other women. The last thing a friend wants to do is knock your confidence by presenting a list of totally speculative reasons that people might not want to date you. I would be more inclined to ask the guy to describe what happened during the meeting, and see if they can pinpoint a moment when they started getting any bad vibes from the woman. Sometimes when people reflect on a situation they can see for themselves at what point something might have gone wrong, and why. But for somebody who wasn't there, and who isn't that person you're interested in, to speculate as to why the person didn't respond to you...it's just hopeless really. So your female friends do the best they can and say "well, I think you're great and I don't know why it didn't work out for you." I don't think that's sugar coating so much as it's providing reassurance in the absence of being able to provide anything more concrete. Surely that's better, and more honest, than it would be to pretend to have all the answers?
Later82012 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Because they assume you will not be able to handle the truth, they want to be in your good books, they don't owe you honesty, they do not want to hurt you, cowardice........
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