Kelly.Hendricks Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Hi all my name is Kelly and I have been lurking on this site for the past 2 months and thought it's time to share my heartache with you all and hoping to get some advice and insight on my situation. Long story short I dated my ex for 3 years and we broke up and had no contact for 5 years before reconnecting over facebook. We ended up being best friends spending the majority of our time together and through him I met my fiance. Sadly my ex is leaving the country soon to go live with a woman he met on a site called myfitnesspal. This caused me to go through depression and suffering from insomnia which made me realize that I have very strong and deep feelings for my ex. I have spoken to my fiance and we are currently taking a break from each other but to be honest I know after this month I am going to break things off as my feelings towards him is not as strong as my feelings for my ex. Thinking back I miss those evenings I spent with my ex drinking wine outside on the patio while he would massage my feet and we would just talk about everything and anything. We did cooking and dancing courses together and invested so much time together that I can't help but think we are meant to be together. Do I tell my ex how I feel and hope he feels the same or is it a futile exercise since he will be leaving soon to go live with the model girl in Beijing?
movingon12 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 If you don't tell him, you'll always wonder 'what if'... but I wouldn't get your hopes up.
Author Kelly.Hendricks Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 If you don't tell him, you'll always wonder 'what if'... but I wouldn't get your hopes up. If I tell him do you think it would change things between us? Also how do I approach him?
Jono85 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 IMO, u should break up with ur fiance for good, before doing anything. why do i get the feeling that your waiting till the end of the month b/c by then u might have no hope with ur ex, who could reject u, and then u'll go back with ur fiance. if u already know ur gonna break it off, why are u waiting? do u think it's fair to him that he's going through agony right now and is still hoping, while u already know it's over?? talk to him first and foremost. do what's right.
movingon12 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 If I tell him do you think it would change things between us? Also how do I approach him? Yes - either he'll abandon his plan and stay with you, or he'll say he's flattered but not interested and it will be incredibly awkward from now on. Either way, it will never be the same. How you approach him is whatever you feel comfortable with. I've never been in that situation, but personally I'd write a letter (handwritten, not an email) which set out my feelings: just because I would be too nervous to want to do it face to face. But that's just me.
Author Kelly.Hendricks Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 IMO, u should break up with ur fiance for good, before doing anything. why do i get the feeling that your waiting till the end of the month b/c by then u might have no hope with ur ex, who could reject u, and then u'll go back with ur fiance. if u already know ur gonna break it off, why are u waiting? do u think it's fair to him that he's going through agony right now and is still hoping, while u already know it's over?? talk to him first and foremost. do what's right. My fiance is currently spending time with his family on holiday in South Africa, don't want to ruin it for him. Even if my ex rejects me I don't want to get married to my fiance.
Author Kelly.Hendricks Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Yes - either he'll abandon his plan and stay with you, or he'll say he's flattered but not interested and it will be incredibly awkward from now on. Either way, it will never be the same. How you approach him is whatever you feel comfortable with. I've never been in that situation, but personally I'd write a letter (handwritten, not an email) which set out my feelings: just because I would be too nervous to want to do it face to face. But that's just me. I thought about that too. How about I go to his place one evening with a box of all our photos together and as we go through them and talk about those memories I move in for a kiss? I know if he would reject me it would kill me but then I can blame it on the wine...
movingon12 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I thought about that too. How about I go to his place one evening with a box of all our photos together and as we go through them and talk about those memories I move in for a kiss? I know if he would reject me it would kill me but then I can blame it on the wine... Well, as I said, it needs to be what you feel comfortable with. Personally I wouldn't go down the memory route - you broke up for a reason and is this something you want to rehash? If you just drink wine and try and kiss him he's going to be really confused about what you want. And the next day you won't be any clearer on whether you're 'together' or whether it was just one last fling before he leaves. Personally I'd just put my cards on the table, be honest with him, tell him why you want to be with him, and give him time and space to think about it.
Author Kelly.Hendricks Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Well, as I said, it needs to be what you feel comfortable with. Personally I wouldn't go down the memory route - you broke up for a reason and is this something you want to rehash? If you just drink wine and try and kiss him he's going to be really confused about what you want. And the next day you won't be any clearer on whether you're 'together' or whether it was just one last fling before he leaves. Personally I'd be just put my cards on the table, be honest with him, tell him why you want to be with him, and give him time and space to think about it. Okay going to invite him for dinner and then be very honest and tell him I am leaving my fiance and that I am in love with him. The ball is now in his court and he needs to decide whether he wants to pursue it. Going to be even worse if we need to "breakup" again but I need to do this.
Author Kelly.Hendricks Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Good luck. Thank you for your help
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