djdiablo Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I have been with her for a year and a half. I no longer want to be with her. There are differences between us that are too fundamental. Plus, I am not getting anything out of the relationship. So that begs the question on when to break up. Note her grandmother is currently in palliative care and she is going through a tough time. Note also that my gf is coming to visit me for a week where I work next week. Her grandmother might have passed away then, she might have not. If she did, it would be a trip to ease her soul a little bit. If she did not, we won't be able to really enjoy anything as my gf will be a 3h flight away from home if her grandma does pass. So the question is: 1. Should I wait until after she comes visit me to end it? 2 more weeks - then it'll be Christmas. 2. Should I end it today, save her the trip, save myself the stress but face being accused of letting her go in the toughest of times?
Jono85 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 what i learned when breaking up with my ex, is there's no good time to do it. it'll always be "how can u do this to me NOW". after the 2 weeks it'll be "how could u let me come visit u for a week, and now dump me right before christmas?!?". after the new years it'll be "how could u spend the holidays with me, only to dispose me to start the new year?!?". etc etc etc. if you've thought long and hard about this, and you're sure, do it now. it's the right thing to do. 1
shahjahan Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 It may seem like the right thing to do, but I think it would be better to first try to talk about what's going wrong, and how it can be fixed. It is also the honest thing - maybe she's not expecting anything, or maybe she is, and she would also appreciate an opportunity to talk things through. If you do try to make it work, and it doesn't work out, THEN it's time to break up. But I wouldn't do it so unilaterally, without seeing where she stands. This seems to be a common mistake among guys - they break up all of a sudden and make it sound like it's definitive, and we are left shocked and stunned, because we never heard a word of complaint during the whole relationship. Just breaking up and withdrawing, all of a sudden, without trying to fix things, is the easy thing to do.
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I would just do it now. There is never a good time to break someone's heart, from their perspective it will always be bad timing if they aren't agreeable to breaking up.
flitzanu Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I have been with her for a year and a half. I no longer want to be with her. There are differences between us that are too fundamental. Plus, I am not getting anything out of the relationship. So that begs the question on when to break up. Note her grandmother is currently in palliative care and she is going through a tough time. Note also that my gf is coming to visit me for a week where I work next week. Her grandmother might have passed away then, she might have not. If she did, it would be a trip to ease her soul a little bit. If she did not, we won't be able to really enjoy anything as my gf will be a 3h flight away from home if her grandma does pass. So the question is: 1. Should I wait until after she comes visit me to end it? 2 more weeks - then it'll be Christmas. 2. Should I end it today, save her the trip, save myself the stress but face being accused of letting her go in the toughest of times? number 2. don't wait, just do it and get it over with, you're not "helping" anyone by waiting around.
rach24680 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 it isn't going to be a good break for her if you play nice for a week then finish her. Just do it now, there's no point staying in a relationship that isn't working for any longer than necessary, otherwise you'll find other excuses and reasons not to end it. It sucks that she's going through a bad time yes, but there's always going to be bad times in people's lifes, it's guna be crap and tough on her whenever it happens. Plus it's guna be hard on you, no matter who breaks up with who it'l be difficult for a while so get it done sooner. good luck!
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