Pixie999 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 My bf and I are going on two years. The first year was great, had sex frequently...he was an animal! But something horrible happened the beginning of year two, I broke my leg badly. I broke my tib/fib and had a titanium rod screwed into my ankle and knee. At this point I moved into his place and he became my care taker. He did everything for me: cooked, cleaned, and even helped me shower. I love him more than anything and I know he loves me. But needles to say, the sex came to a halt. We would do it about once a month. At this point, I'm at the end of my recovery and walking, limping, but walking...still no sex life. To this date, we haven't had sex in two months. I am grateful for everything he's done for me, dont get me wrong. It's just that it's starting to wear me down, as woman. I'm not comfortable being sexual around him anymore or even naked. I can't even pleasure myself bcuz I try not to think about him when I'm doing it but I end up thinking about him anyway, feeling guilty, then crying. I've tried talking to him about it but he's a brick wall...he is so hard to talk to when it comes to intimacy. All he says is that he's tired and stressed. I understand that he is but now that I'm better I pitch in on chores around the house. I try to give him space by staying at my mom's every so often. Idk, I need a guy's perspective on this but ladies are welcome too! Just dont know who to talk to... 1
carhill Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Well, he saw you as an invalid, perhaps for the first time, and taking care of you changed his perspective evidently. Two questions: How was sex before, especially variety? I ask because your broken leg didn't need to end your sex life, even if intercourse wasn't possible/comfortable. What responsibility have you assumed for the reduction in sexual quality and quantity? What have you done proactively to communicate your desires? Approach him sexually? Ask him out on a date? Etc, etc. Lovemaking is a two-way street. Welcome to LS
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Well no sex for two months after having great year(s) of sex can be hard to cope with. Given the fact that he is also taking care(or was) of you is difficult too. Taking care of anyone is a chore; doesn't mean they don't love you ofc. You shouldn't worry about thinking of him for masturbation...if you want too, go for it. Maybe if you did think about him, maybe it would spark an attraction again for sex. Least on your end...I can also understand why you wouldn't want too: to get aroused at the thought of him and not have any sexual contact is hard. He could be just burnt out. I am sure he is(taking care of people is hard.) He may just need time to restup again. I'd be patient, and share my desires toward him to him...tell him you love him and are grateful for his help(that he needs to rest now...so you and him can be intimate again.) He must love you dearly to go from lots of sex to zero sex, stay, and even take care of you. That is why I am advicing you to wait a little longer. I am sure he was and is being very patient. You should too. Which brings up my finale point. Recovery takes time, and he may also think you are still unable to perform..may not wanna hurt you. In the end, ne opened with him, it should workout eventually.. Edited December 2, 2012 by Toddbt12y1
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 It sounds like the whole situation completely changed after you got injured. He was left with more responsibility, maybe you became annoying, demanding and needy, it just ultimately changed the whole dynamic and killed the spark for him...it was more than he could take. He's likely just taking it like a champ because he knows the situation you are in and is understanding, but something has definitely changed emotionally for him and I just think he's only disconnected more and more and will continue to do so, I don't think he has the same romantic interest so he has a harder time being intimate with you, so he tries to do it as infrequent as possible. The answer is the same as it always is, communication...and if he refuses to communicate than you can't force his effort, he's already made up his mind and attitude not to talk to you or knows that there's nothing you can do to save the relationship, anything would just be a forced effort to attempt to do so but his heart isn't in it...If a man wants something he wants something, many women think they can manipulate that but the harder they try the farther it pushes a man away...It's like trying to feed a baby a food he doesn't like and he turns his head again and again but you keep shoving it in his face because you love it yourself and can't understand why it won't love it too...so you keep trying and trying, you might finally get it in it's mouth but it'll just spit it right back out. You need to make an effort to have a serious conversation with him about this in an environment out of an argument, to get a good reading for where he is at and how he feels. But honestly, if he's not in love with you just loves you kind of a thing, he's not going to want to be honest with you because he doesn't want to hurt you...women need to realize if a guy shuts down it's because he doesn't want to tell you something or talk about something because he knows it's something you're not going to want to hear or he'll feel judged or not understood for it...especially since women are very emotional, the last thing a guy wants to do is play ball only to have you sobbing and being a hot mess, they'd rather just lie to you or say nothing at all....at least then you'll not know the truth. He's using tired and stressed as an excuse...or maybe he's tired and stressed because he's not happy anymore and doesn't feel the drive or desire to do this anymore but doesn't see an easy way out so he just drags himself along...everything is always a lot harder when you're unhappy. I know you love this guy and all that, but if he doesn't feel the same way then what is it that you want? maybe he loves you, and did at one time, but maybe he fell out of it too, and maybe your love isn't as solid as you thought it was or even true...a lot of people out there are confused with what love is, so they fight for just about anything not knowing any better...but at the very least....make sure that "love" or whatever it is, is mutually desired, because one person can't run a relationship alone, no matter how badly you don't want to lose it...no matter what you feel or think about it from your end, and that's something I'm sure will fall on dear ears with you...many like to "fight" and give everything they've got...leave no stone unturned before walking away from a relationship, but time and investment is of no value without present emotions, you're just fighting for a time and state of emotions that's already passed, now you're just chasing a fantasy, trying to relive the past and it's not going to happen unless two people resolved, accepted and decided that's what they're ok...this state of emotions. Otherwise one person is going to end up cheating or walking away when something compelling enough walks by that gives them promise of something better.
xxoo Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 How assertive have you been in initiating sexual contact? He may be holding back because he is afraid of hurting you, or making you uncomfortable. Also, he probably senses your discomfort with being sexual or naked around him, and that could be a turn off. If you take the lead, would he actually stop you? Put your hand down his pants and make something happen!
Author Pixie999 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Thanks everyone for all of your replies! You all have some valid points. There are many other factors that have to do with my insecurities. This injury has definitely made me feel self conscious about my body and as I heal I plan to get back into shape and be my sexy self again! Til then I'm going to give this situation some time and space. I know he's still very interested because anytime I talk about splitting up or taking a break, he gets very upset. It's not even an option for him. He talks about marriage and our future together. I just hope our future will include the mind blowing sex we had before my injury!
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