coans Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 It has been five months since a break up that ended badly and it is a long story but for about two years we were building a business together. About a year before the break up, I was suddenly told the promised partnership would not happen...I really should have stuck up for myself more..but our new business venture had a lot of romantic appeal and I hoped that maybe we would end up in a partnership of some kind or married...nonetheless...I worked for this man using my particular skills. And, charged little or nothing as we built up the biz. Long story, but once the seasonal business got underway...the break up came and within a week he was with someone 20 years younger..and she was working for him in this seasonal business. (won't go into detail at this time). What pisses me off (among many other things..in that I feel I was duped, used, and yet I did have my eyes open and did nothing ...in a way could not do anything as it was "you should be in this business with me or there is no point in us being together) anyway...after the break up most people said "after all the work you did for him and you get treated like this. people were shocked and supportive. But, five months since I finally talked to my best friend last night...and she has been distant towards me for awhile. she finally said that (her boyfriend is this man's best friend) the man I was with justifies his actions in such a way that he says 'well, she never worked. that was the problem." I have been pretty dignified through this break up even though I feel this guy is kind of a lying scoundrel. It really bothers me that he manipulates the truth. He justifies being with this other woman by saying "I accused them of getting together and so they decided they would." He is glib, sarcastic, mean-spirited...but everyone is charmed by him and adores him for what he does (can't explain details here) but he has won big recognition for it. In the break up he also turned his kids against me..and I had known them since they were little. we were together 7 years. anyway, to me the break came as a kind of "you are of no value to me anyway" and what bothers me is that is his party line to people close to me. I guess what I feel like doing is confronting him on that .... I just want to say "stay away from my best friend if you want to bad mouth me do it to my face." I do want to expose him for being a liar and a user...but no one would believe me. He is almost pathologically charming to everyone else except the woman he is with. I did not know how his ex-wife felt about him until after the break up and a lot of the things I dealt with I believe now she did too. To the world he is charming...but I was told by a friend who has observed him that he "is narcissistic." I believe that is what I was dealing with ... maybe not a full blown one...but yeah, I see the tendencies now. A friend said there is a difference to being selfish and narcissistic. she said a man like that will do or say anything to keep on doing exactly what he wants. In this case...I feel that when he dumped me he was very quick to tell everyone his reasons...justify it by saying I didn't work. Truth was I was working almost like a slave for the business with no compensation. he made up to $50,000 this past summer in that business...and I actually have at this time $200 in the bank. I just feel tempted at times to expose him for being the liar that he is. But, I have no case and no means to do this. sometimes I wish that he would be found out for being a manipulative liar and phony...but he is way too charismatic. it is very odd to see a side of someone that only two or three people in this world see. anyway...not much I can do expect suck it up and move on. but, I wish I could somehow just publicly state what a user he is. believe me a few days ago I was crying over this loss and wishing I could get him back. After talking to my friend last night..I do believe that he is a masterful manipulator. she was very upset with me for "not working" and I was sort of appalled that he tried to explain it to her that way. It was not the case at all...what it was more than anything was me being manipulated and not trusting my instincts..or being blinded by love. Is this kind of treatment normal. Does a healthy man in a break up feel the need to justify his actions to everyone by making up lies...(perhaps so no one points the finger at him?)
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