Amazingpiggy Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Hi, I new here. Came to know this forum by chance of google. I discovered my H have an affair when I was pregnant (3 months). Thru out the pregnancy, I didn't know he had ow outside. It was when my baby was 3 months, then I slowly discovered he had affair with a divorcee that had 2 kids. (Her ex also have an affair) D day, we struggle for a week. He didn't know who to choose from. He did say he love her so much that he cannot let go of her. So I tell him, since u choose her, then so be it. He left our house, few hours later he beg for me to return. He mention he wan this family back. So I forgive him, and move on. During this period, I am unstable, I am suspicious of him. I know he is stress also. But I just cannot help to not to be suspicious. Indeed, I caught him going up her house. I immediately went to seek lawyer advice for divorce. Since we have a newborn right now. My baby is 6 months now. Things are very complicated. He wanted my child to stay overnight at his place which I refuse. Now he is angry at me, accusing me of breaking this family up, my temper is bad causing him to have affair, he has the right to take care of my child. I just don understand why it is all my fault?
Summer Breeze Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Hi, I new here. Came to know this forum by chance of google. I discovered my H have an affair when I was pregnant (3 months). Thru out the pregnancy, I didn't know he had ow outside. It was when my baby was 3 months, then I slowly discovered he had affair with a divorcee that had 2 kids. (Her ex also have an affair) D day, we struggle for a week. He didn't know who to choose from. He did say he love her so much that he cannot let go of her. So I tell him, since u choose her, then so be it. He left our house, few hours later he beg for me to return. He mention he wan this family back. So I forgive him, and move on. During this period, I am unstable, I am suspicious of him. I know he is stress also. But I just cannot help to not to be suspicious. Indeed, I caught him going up her house. I immediately went to seek lawyer advice for divorce. Since we have a newborn right now. My baby is 6 months now. Things are very complicated. He wanted my child to stay overnight at his place which I refuse. Now he is angry at me, accusing me of breaking this family up, my temper is bad causing him to have affair, he has the right to take care of my child. I just don understand why it is all my fault? It is not your fault! It is not your fault! It is not your fault! He is trying to bully you into submission. You've stood up to him and you've held your ground and he isn't willing to accept it. I wouldn't let my 6 month old go either. If the courts forced it I probably wouldn't have a choice but in the case you've described, and at the point you appear to be at, I wouldn't have let the baby go either. His decisions led to his family being broken up. Your choice at finding out his actions actually caused it. I was there more than 20 years ago AP. I found out my H was having an A and I ended the M almost immediately. I couldn't tell you how many phone calls and knocks on my door followed. It was over a year that he kept trying to get things back together because he missed our family. I held firm because he had already shown me our value to him and it wasn't much. My xH tried to bully me, he tried to make me feel guilty. It was terrible the way he tried to get us back. All the while he was living with his OW and they did get married and have been together happily for a long time now. It wasn't my fault and it is not your fault. I wonder if maybe you should mention to your lawyer the question of him wanting the baby to stay with him. Maybe your lawyer could guide you on how to handle it legally. Good luck. 2
Author Amazingpiggy Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 In my country, the law favor joint custody. But the care and control usually reside at mothers hand especially young child. I just don understand why he is still pushing the blame to me. Everybody know he is at fault. Why doesn't he face the fact that things will turn ugly.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Laws sadly aside.... Like the above poster said, it is not your fault. I'll be blunt: your husband is typical of cheating scum. They are all the same, provide the same blameshifts and justifying(LOL) selfish answers. They are narcissistic. They only care for themselves and never see their wrong. 1) He is putting all the blame on you, for his wild ways. He cheated, not you. 2) He is trying to justify himself. 3) Guilt tripping you. He is not worthy of your hand dear, not the joys of your child, nor any of your tears or love. He doesn't deserve anything of you. He's unworthy trash, and I am not afraid to say it. He is the one who brought himself down go the level of trash. Move on from him. Likely he will always be a cheater....your laws make it hard...I'm sorry to hear that. Hugs*
Author Amazingpiggy Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 He an a**hole. Is it a character flaw or affair fog of thingy? How can an affair change a person personality so much? We have been dating since school days. It been 14 years, and we just got married.
96nole Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 As others have said, it is NOT your fault. Most cheaters will blame others for their actions. HIS actions, are breaking up the family. He can blame your temper all he wants. But it did not make him have an affair. My ex-wife blamed me for everything. She really had some ridiculous reasons to blame me. But she (in her mind)had to come up with reasons to justify her actions so she didn't look like a common whore to everyone else. She actually told me that her kissing the other man (while we were married) was not breaking the sanctity of marriage. They will minimize their actions. They will justify their actions to themselves and to whoever else they can try to convince. And they will pass the blame off to others. He has lost control of the situation. Now he is trying to bully you in an attempt to regain control. Don't let him. Don't believe a word out of his mouth. 2
10132 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 So sorry for u and the kid...some brass balls on this husband...its the old saying "the best defense is an offense"....anyway, dont let him flank you with the bull**** that its your fault...he has such disrespect for your marriage/family..lawyer up and see how he likes getting ****ed by someone u picked!
Artie Lang Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 your husband is a POS and is blameshifting his affair on you. DON'T BUY IT! he's the one who broke up the family 'cause he couldn't keep it in his pants. 2
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