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Pursuing the Flake. Too annoyingly common.

es-squared

By es-squared
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es-squared New Member

es-squared

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So been out with this girl a few times, last couple spent at her place. Made me a ridiculous gourmet dinner which I was not expecting at all. The next time she was doing up a breakfast before I was even up. And yes we did the full monty.

 

Anyways, I've initiated every hangout so far so i thought I'd give it a few extra days to see if she reciprocates. Didn't hear from her so I get in touch, she says a work thing came up and she cant, and she has a **** ton of stuff to deal with so she'll get back to me and let me know. About a week goes by and no word, call her, no answer, and the trail is cold from there.

 

My first instinct was to try her again; not sure what to make of it, but Im thinking of laying low indefinitely. What are your thoughts?

Edited by es-squared
Cutiepie1976 Established Member

Cutiepie1976

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No longer interested. She figures you'll eventually get the message and stop calling.

 

No answer IS your answer...

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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How was the sex?

phineas Established Member

phineas

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Women flake for many reasons.

 

No longer interested, someone else, baggage.

 

I personally just pretend their dead.

Eventually whatever made them flake goes away & they come back.

 

I've had women flake on me then 6 months later they will call me up or send me a text & ask me hang out & act like nothing happened. :confused:

 

I have learned though if you go with it, you get some.

If you call them out they disappear again.

Sometimes they flake right after they call you, sometimes they hang around a bit.

 

sort of like free cable. You get for an undetermined amount of time scott-free. LOL!

  • Like 3
carhill Established Member

carhill

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Poofers are a sign of instability. Think about it. Person is all in, doing the domestic and making love, then disappears. Canary. Stay out of the mine. Leave it to the professionals to analyze their psychology. Life is too short.

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es-squared New Member

es-squared

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The sex was killer, I was steering.

 

But I could tell its been a LONG time for her.

Tara247 Established Member

Tara247

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Posted
So been out with this girl a few times, last couple spent at her place. Made me a ridiculous gourmet dinner which I was not expecting at all. The next time she was doing up a breakfast before I was even up. And yes we did the full monty.

 

Anyways, I've initiated every hangout so far so i thought I'd give it a few extra days to see if she reciprocates. Didn't hear from her so I get in touch, she says a work thing came up and she cant, and she has a **** ton of stuff to deal with so she'll get back to me and let me know. About a week goes by and no word, call her, no answer, and the trail is cold from there.

 

My first instinct was to try her again; not sure what to make of it, but Im thinking of laying low indefinitely. What are your thoughts?

 

It's up to you. Women do like to be pursued. However, it's disrespectful that she didn't get back to you as promised. If I were you, I'd wait to hear from her. If you don't hear from her, she's not very interested.

Under The Radar Established Member

Under The Radar

Posted
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Poofers are a sign of instability. Think about it. Person is all in, doing the domestic and making love, then disappears. Canary. Stay out of the mine. Leave it to the professionals to analyze their psychology. Life is too short.

 

 

^^^^^THIS^^^^^

 

Let me see if I've got this right:

 

  1. You have gone on several dates
  2. The last few times have been "sleep overs".
  3. You had "killer" sex
  4. She makes you dinner AND breakfast.
  5. Now she's giving you the cold shoulder.

Yeah, the ball is in her court at this point. I would suggest NOT contacting her again. She either lost interest or is crazy. Both of those are a losing proposition for you.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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I have a different interpretation. She was really making an effort to please you and you thought you'd punish her for not initiating calls by choosing that exact time to disappear for a few days to teach her a lesson. If anything, she was probably expecting more closeness from you, not space. She probably thinks you have intimacy problems and can't handle a woman being good to you. That sounds like your problem.

 

I'm not a mind reader. Neither are you.

  • Like 6
Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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I have a different interpretation. She was really making an effort to please you and you thought you'd punish her for not initiating calls by choosing that exact time to disappear for a few days to teach her a lesson. If anything, she was probably expecting more closeness from you, not space. She probably thinks you have intimacy problems and can't handle a woman being good to you. That sounds like your problem.

 

I'm not a mind reader. Neither are you.

 

He said he initiated every DATE (IE: "hangout").

 

At some point, the woman should be proactive too when trying to make plans to see each other. I don't think she can decipher the guy has intimacy problems because he waited a few days to ask her out after they had sex for the first time. I think if anything, maybe she took his silence as disinterest. First time sex is tricky, if a guy isn't showing an interest in seeing her again afterwards, she'll begin to make some strong judgments about it.

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
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I have a different interpretation. She was really making an effort to please you and you thought you'd punish her for not initiating calls by choosing that exact time to disappear for a few days to teach her a lesson. If anything, she was probably expecting more closeness from you, not space. She probably thinks you have intimacy problems and can't handle a woman being good to you. That sounds like your problem.

 

This could be the answer, but then again, you did call and she told you she was busy and has blown you off.

 

You either did what FitChick wrote or she's nuts and has done this to other men in the past. I'm leaning towards nuts as you were only absent for 3 days and did make it a point to call her. I would try one more time and see if she'll talk with you. If she does, bring up your concerns and go from there.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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Posted
I have a different interpretation. She was really making an effort to please you and you thought you'd punish her for not initiating calls by choosing that exact time to disappear for a few days to teach her a lesson. If anything, she was probably expecting more closeness from you, not space. She probably thinks you have intimacy problems and can't handle a woman being good to you. That sounds like your problem.

 

I'm not a mind reader. Neither are you.

No kidding. This woman goes all out and makes you a gourmet dinner and breakfast in bed. You disappear for three days after something she considered special (note the reference to not having had sex for a long time?) even though you were displaying a pattern of initiation prior to sex.

 

Social clue, people!

  • Like 6
Under The Radar Established Member

Under The Radar

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Just make sure if you guys hook up in the future she doesn't poison your pancakes or meatloaf. I don't want to see this play out badly on Investigation Discovery.

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es-squared New Member

es-squared

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Wowsers. Fatchick you just blew my mind.

 

So, in a sense she's running me through the gauntlet lol..

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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Wowsers. Fatchick you just blew my mind.

 

So, in a sense she's running me through the gauntlet lol..

What gauntlet? You gambled with a test by killing trust and now you've lost. Move on.
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SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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...so you are dating a girl. You set the contact pace between you both and then you both get comfortable enough to have sex a couple of times. Then you decide that she needs to do more initiating. Don't you think you should have done that prior to the sex? If you wanted her to reciprocate... why wasn't this set in the intial stages of dating? You decide to show you are ok with taking the lead, have sex and see by her actions that she is interested and then decide to do a 180 and now she is a flake since she didn't respond favorably to not being contact for a couple days like you usually do?

  • Like 3
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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I am with TBF and FitChick. Women rarely have sex (especially cause you could tell it's been a long time) and put so much effort if they are not that into a guy...

  • Like 5
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Wowsers. Fatchick you just blew my mind.

 

So, in a sense she's running me through the gauntlet lol..

 

 

so fitchick writes you a thoughtful post and you reply by writing fatchick where the a is no where near the i on the keyboard...no one else mentioned it but i will because i am a kamikaze.......what FITCHICK said about your disregard for a gourmet meal is shown by your disregard for a thoughtful post BY SAID POSTER....you are the one with the problem bud.......i dont think the woman in question is running you through a gauntlet i think she missed a bullet.......if i were you i would start by ringing and apologizing actually dont....she deserves better...the sex thing not havign it for a while.....woudl have made her a bit insecure after you ****ed off without calling her for a while....doesnt take a brain surgeon to figure that out......i wish you luck.......

  • Like 2
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es-squared New Member

es-squared

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What? No I just meant I never thought of FatChicks perspective, hence blowing my mind.

 

I wouldn't call a few days of no contact breaking the pace, and I did try to get at her with no response. And yes she is running me through a gauntlet, hence her being unresponsive.

 

Thank you all for the advice.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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What? No I just meant I never thought of FatChicks perspective, hence blowing my mind.

 

I wouldn't call a few days of no contact breaking the pace, and I did try to get at her with no response. And yes she is running me through a gauntlet, hence her being unresponsive.

 

Thank you all for the advice.

 

Few days of no contact is way too much time and hints at only casual involvement.

  • Like 2
Under The Radar Established Member

Under The Radar

Posted
Posted
What? No I just meant I never thought of FatChicks perspective, hence blowing my mind.

 

I wouldn't call a few days of no contact breaking the pace, and I did try to get at her with no response. And yes she is running me through a gauntlet, hence her being unresponsive.

 

Thank you all for the advice.

 

 

How about this for a perspective: Her name is FITCHICK

 

Honestly, if you are going to come onto a relationship forum for free advice, have some common respect. She took the time to post and try to help you.

  • Like 3
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Lol @ "fatchick" :laugh: that's rude

 

You shouldn't have been too worried about her "initiating" if she was reciprocating, although I could understand you misgivings. The fact is, she wasn't flaking until you stopped contacting her, even for a few days. The consistency would have gotten you far. Chalk this up to experience.

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es-squared New Member

es-squared

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My apologies Fitchick. Thanks for the advice, seriously.

  • Like 2
florence of suburbia Established Member

florence of suburbia

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Maybe she didn't like it when you called her "The Flake" during your last conversation.

florence of suburbia Established Member

florence of suburbia

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You're presuming too much. If you start a game, is it so surprising that she's become disinterested? In pulling a fade, why criticize her for pulling a fade? Less drama for her since she doesn't need to explain to you why she's become disinterested.

 

Why thank you fdt. She also seemed to think he didn't pay much attention to the little things. Where would she get that idea, do you think?

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