The way I feel right now...

[ReadMyThread]

It feels like I have nothing going for me. I feel so lost and confused. Its weird because I KNOW what I have to do (NC, move on) but something WON'T let me and I always find myself asking myself,"what can I do?" when really, there isnt anything I can do. I don't understand how I can fall out of love with the girl I want to be with forever. How did she fall out of love so quickly with me and for me it seems impossible?

 

I feel trapped. Trapped because I KNOW that the next time she gets hurt by another guy like the way she hurt me, she will suddenly come to me saying she is sorry for what she did and wants me again but I KNOW that she would only be doing that because she is lonely as she is no longer in love with me but yet I feel like I'm waiting for that to happen. I don't see why when I know it isn't exausted she loves me like she says she does.

 

I think I'm thinking this way because she is the first girl I have ever truly loved and has loved me back at some point. I'm scared of my being able to find someone again. I feel I'll be alone forever. Which brings me to my next point...

 

I think I may rather be alone. I don't want to get hurt again the way she hurt me. With what she did to me, it feels like I will turn into someone who is afraid of commitment and will hold back my feelings if I were to find someone. She seriously did a lot of damage to me. I don't ever want to go through this again. She has braught me to the lowest point of my life. I have never been in so much pain before and now I live my life miserable and I can't get out of this. It's just constant depression everyday. I find myself seriously sighing out loud at least 27 times a day just about everything that happened IN THE PAST.

 

I would do ANYTHING to go back to the way things were when I was with her. I wish I could do it all over again and avoid the things that happened and make it last for longer than it did. I just want her. I want her so bad that I seriously look myself in the mirror and I tell myself I wish I looked like the guy she left me for so she would have never left me or so I could be with her as he is right now. See how sad and pathetic this girl has made me. She ****ed me up.

 

The girl I'm in love with is with another guy she left me for and is already having sex with him but yet I want her so badly. I wish it be over. This pain is too much to handle. I KNOW she is going to fall in love with this guy and it hurts me so badly. I still cry about everything that has happened even though I know I shouldn't be.

 

I'm so unhappy with my life right now. It has become to absolutely nothing ever since she left me. I go to sleep, wake up, go to work, and that's it. I want it the way it was. Me and her against the world :'(. How could she do this?

 

"the power in te relationship lies in the person who cares less". She for sure had all the power and she knows she does. I fell way too deep for this girl and I feel I can't get out of it. I'll be here forever :'(

[Simon Phoenix]

You are in love with the idea of her, not her. You've still never given things you like about her except that you find her attractive. The sooner you realize that you miss the concept of her instead of just her, the sooner you will move on. This girl has cheated with you and treated you like dirt. You have to be better than that.

[LostOne1]

sometimes there isnbt much we can do.... but let time go by. I mean if someone asked me if I'd survive the during the 1st week of the BU.. I'd say no way I make it through september.

 

It's decemeber and I'm still alive and here. Sure I lost lots of weight, lost motivation, but I'm still here. And it hurts MUCH less than it did 3 months ago.

 

TIme will fly by fast and for me it has been going REAL fast. Though my classes will be done this week on Wed. That means after Wed I will have nothing to do.

 

So I've decided I'm going to make a list and routine and FOLLOW it for december. Going to work out once again and get back to shape. Spend LOTS of time out of the house in the day time for sure. Don't care if it's raining or sunny.

 

Got lots of good self help books and audio ones too, so I can go for walks and listen to them. I'm going to try to join or find meet ups or public clubs to hang out at and maybe see if I can volunteer somewhere.

 

I also have to decide if Im going to be in school in Jan or start working or do a bit of both. But what I'm saying is there is going to be LOTS of stuff and options available.

 

You just have to get out there and do other things.

 

For me man.. I use the pain as a tool to BETTER myself. I look at it and say WHY did this happen. And sure part of the reasons are things I didn't do properly in the relationship. But I also look at the 3 yrs gone down the drain.. and say there HAS to be a reason for the loss.. And Im finding it's the fact that I need to get BETTER as a person. If I was a better, confidence and succesful person.. I don't think my ex and I would be BU right now.

 

So my goal is to CHANGE for the better. I want to look back 1-2 yrs from now and say you know what.. the PAIN of losing her was WORTH it. Because I USED that pain in a good way that has given me SO MUCH more back now.

 

Also realize one thing.. my sister tells me over and over again. You don't NEED ANYONE to feel good about yourself. I thought I NEEDED her and realized I don't. I mean most of my life I have been single and I've lived well. So losing her hurts, but I DON"T NEED her to live. I should be able to function and do things in life still.

 

So try to look at the bright side.. you did lose her like I lost my ex. But we need to do something positive to look back and say HEY i lost her.. she left me.. BUT i used the pain and look where I am now.. I'm in a good place, I'm confident, got a good career and I'm happy with myself now. That is when you'll find peace with yourself and this loss.

[ReadMyThread]

sometimes there isnbt much we can do.... but let time go by. I mean if someone asked me if I'd survive the during the 1st week of the BU.. I'd say no way I make it through september.

 

It's decemeber and I'm still alive and here. Sure I lost lots of weight, lost motivation, but I'm still here. And it hurts MUCH less than it did 3 months ago.

 

TIme will fly by fast and for me it has been going REAL fast. Though my classes will be done this week on Wed. That means after Wed I will have nothing to do.

 

So I've decided I'm going to make a list and routine and FOLLOW it for december. Going to work out once again and get back to shape. Spend LOTS of time out of the house in the day time for sure. Don't care if it's raining or sunny.

 

Got lots of good self help books and audio ones too, so I can go for walks and listen to them. I'm going to try to join or find meet ups or public clubs to hang out at and maybe see if I can volunteer somewhere.

 

I also have to decide if Im going to be in school in Jan or start working or do a bit of both. But what I'm saying is there is going to be LOTS of stuff and options available.

 

You just have to get out there and do other things.

 

For me man.. I use the pain as a tool to BETTER myself. I look at it and say WHY did this happen. And sure part of the reasons are things I didn't do properly in the relationship. But I also look at the 3 yrs gone down the drain.. and say there HAS to be a reason for the loss.. And Im finding it's the fact that I need to get BETTER as a person. If I was a better, confidence and succesful person.. I don't think my ex and I would be BU right now.

 

So my goal is to CHANGE for the better. I want to look back 1-2 yrs from now and say you know what.. the PAIN of losing her was WORTH it. Because I USED that pain in a good way that has given me SO MUCH more back now.

 

Also realize one thing.. my sister tells me over and over again. You don't NEED ANYONE to feel good about yourself. I thought I NEEDED her and realized I don't. I mean most of my life I have been single and I've lived well. So losing her hurts, but I DON"T NEED her to live. I should be able to function and do things in life still.

 

So try to look at the bright side.. you did lose her like I lost my ex. But we need to do something positive to look back and say HEY i lost her.. she left me.. BUT i used the pain and look where I am now.. I'm in a good place, I'm confident, got a good career and I'm happy with myself now. That is when you'll find peace with yourself and this loss.

 

That's a really good way to put it. USE the pain to better yourself. I like that. Thank you. I know I don't need her. I just want her and I have no idea why. Maybe it's like Simon said. The thought of her Because I know she doesn't love me anymore and she has changed so why would I want that? Everything confuses me. Hopefully this time flys by as fast as you make it sound it will. I cant go on like this lol. I'm a wreck!

[LostOne1]

That's a really good way to put it. USE the pain to better yourself. I like that. Thank you. I know I don't need her. I just want her and I have no idea why. Maybe it's like Simon said. The thought of her Because I know she doesn't love me anymore and she has changed so why would I want that? Everything confuses me. Hopefully this time flys by as fast as you make it sound it will. I cant go on like this lol. I'm a wreck!

It could be that you are USED to a certain routine. And now that routine had stopped so your so USED to it.. that you crave it or miss it. I know for me that was the toughest part.. ALWAYS checking my phone or email to see if my ex would contact me. I was so used to her texts. Now after 3 months.. I rarley check my phone or if I do it's to see if my friends have msg me to hang out or check up on me.

 

Youll be a wreck for awhile. Im at 3 months, but I'm still a wreck though not as bad as 3 months ago. You slowly settle in with your NEW routine without the ex. And then you figure out what to do with that time. Mines got used on school, but after this week school will be done. So then it's all about how I use my time wisely for MY OWN benefit.

 

What I look at now is WHAT can I do to make myself better or do something to advance in life. I don't wanna be a wreck forever or sit at home for the next few months, I wanna prove to life and everything else even my ex that the pain I felt was worth it. Because it pushed me to a higher level I thought I'd never reach.

[NWE]

It feels like I have nothing going for me. I feel so lost and confused. Its weird because I KNOW what I have to do (NC, move on) but something WON'T let me and I always find myself asking myself,"what can I do?" when really, there isnt anything I can do. I don't understand how I can fall out of love with the girl I want to be with forever. How did she fall out of love so quickly with me and for me it seems impossible?

 

I feel trapped. Trapped because I KNOW that the next time she gets hurt by another guy like the way she hurt me, she will suddenly come to me saying she is sorry for what she did and wants me again but I KNOW that she would only be doing that because she is lonely as she is no longer in love with me but yet I feel like I'm waiting for that to happen. I don't see why when I know it isn't exausted she loves me like she says she does.

 

I think I'm thinking this way because she is the first girl I have ever truly loved and has loved me back at some point. I'm scared of my being able to find someone again. I feel I'll be alone forever. Which brings me to my next point...

 

I think I may rather be alone. I don't want to get hurt again the way she hurt me. With what she did to me, it feels like I will turn into someone who is afraid of commitment and will hold back my feelings if I were to find someone. She seriously did a lot of damage to me. I don't ever want to go through this again. She has braught me to the lowest point of my life. I have never been in so much pain before and now I live my life miserable and I can't get out of this. It's just constant depression everyday. I find myself seriously sighing out loud at least 27 times a day just about everything that happened IN THE PAST.

 

I would do ANYTHING to go back to the way things were when I was with her. I wish I could do it all over again and avoid the things that happened and make it last for longer than it did. I just want her. I want her so bad that I seriously look myself in the mirror and I tell myself I wish I looked like the guy she left me for so she would have never left me or so I could be with her as he is right now. See how sad and pathetic this girl has made me. She ****ed me up.

 

The girl I'm in love with is with another guy she left me for and is already having sex with him but yet I want her so badly. I wish it be over. This pain is too much to handle. I KNOW she is going to fall in love with this guy and it hurts me so badly. I still cry about everything that has happened even though I know I shouldn't be.

 

I'm so unhappy with my life right now. It has become to absolutely nothing ever since she left me. I go to sleep, wake up, go to work, and that's it. I want it the way it was. Me and her against the world :'(. How could she do this?

 

"the power in te relationship lies in the person who cares less". She for sure had all the power and she knows she does. I fell way too deep for this girl and I feel I can't get out of it. I'll be here forever :'(

 

dave contact me [email protected] i wanna talk to you about something

[Harradin]

Pretty sure I told you of my situation (ex left me out of the blue for my friend when she was at her worst, the last thing she said to me before she left me was that she was grateful that I had been looking after her through the whole thing and how much she loved me.) What you have described is essentially what I'm feeling atm.

 

I think the hardest thing (in my case) is that when you do nothing wrong to her, and you tried to do the right thing by being supportive etc, you don't understand why you're the one who's suffering and they're happy.

 

I've found that exercising/getting into good shape is really helping me atm.

[na49]

I find myself in a similar situation at times. I feel like I still love my ex at times, even though I don't love the way she is now. The good memories pop into my head and I say "wow she is so great". What I then try to do is remind myself of every way she disrespected me and I say to myself "wow why did I put up with her for as long as I did?" Your ex was not as great as you thought she was, and you don't deserve someone who doesn't respect you and treat you with the same level of respect that you give to them.

 

Although you think you KNOW that she will come back to you once her current relationship goes bad. The reality is that you DON'T KNOW if she will come back after or not. IF she does, then you need to think before you make any decision, but you DON'T KNOW if she will come back. You want her to come back and love to think that she will be back, but if you tell yourself that she'll be back you're only prolonging the process of you healing. You'll be waiting for her to come back to you, and every day that she doesn't you'll feel a little worse.

 

Don't be so down on yourself, you will find someone eventually. But that isn't what you should live your life trying to find. (a new girlfriend so that you can feel "happy" again) You seem to think the only way to be happy is to have someone else in your life. You were happy without her, you learned how to be happy with her, now you have to learn to be happy without her. I'm currently trying to heal myself of a similar situation, and the holidays aren't making it any easier but I still have my family and friends who do care about me so I'll be happy to have them.

[suladas]

You just need more time, hang out with friends and meet new women even if it's just talking nothing more. It does help, it makes you realize there are plenty of other good women out there. You don't NEED anyone, you WANT them. You got along before her, and everyday since the BU you are proving you don't need her.

 

It is not easy to believe you will meet someone else as good, but it's true. I took forever to realize it. But working on myself since the BU i've never gotten so much attention from women, some even better looking then my ex. Going to the gym is a really good idea, it makes you feel much better.

 

You're obviously not ready, but a big step for me was this weekend picking up a girl at the bar and the ego boost that came from it, the fact that she approached me.

 

You'll get over this. Ask many people here how bad I was 4 months ago when I came here, or read my old threads if you want, I was a mess.

 

And why do you care if she comes back? You shouldn't. She left you twice, don't give her a choice again, you have to be done with her and not give in no matter what.

[ReadMyThread]

It could be that you are USED to a certain routine. And now that routine had stopped so your so USED to it.. that you crave it or miss it. I know for me that was the toughest part.. ALWAYS checking my phone or email to see if my ex would contact me. I was so used to her texts. Now after 3 months.. I rarley check my phone or if I do it's to see if my friends have msg me to hang out or check up on me.

 

Youll be a wreck for awhile. Im at 3 months, but I'm still a wreck though not as bad as 3 months ago. You slowly settle in with your NEW routine without the ex. And then you figure out what to do with that time. Mines got used on school, but after this week school will be done. So then it's all about how I use my time wisely for MY OWN benefit.

 

What I look at now is WHAT can I do to make myself better or do something to advance in life. I don't wanna be a wreck forever or sit at home for the next few months, I wanna prove to life and everything else even my ex that the pain I felt was worth it. Because it pushed me to a higher level I thought I'd never reach.

 

I think that is a BIG factor in my case. We did EVERYTHING together. Now that she's gone I don't do any of those things anymore so now its like, what's there to do? And she was my ONLY friend. My best friend. That doesn't help lol. Left me with nothing to do and no friends but hey that's how I was before we started dating so I know I'll be okay. It's just this ****ing time. It needs to hurry. Lol. I also start college in Januarary and I can't wait for that. That will help.

[ReadMyThread]

Pretty sure I told you of my situation (ex left me out of the blue for my friend when she was at her worst, the last thing she said to me before she left me was that she was grateful that I had been looking after her through the whole thing and how much she loved me.) What you have described is essentially what I'm feeling atm.

 

I think the hardest thing (in my case) is that when you do nothing wrong to her, and you tried to do the right thing by being supportive etc, you don't understand why you're the one who's suffering and they're happy.

 

I've found that exercising/getting into good shape is really helping me atm.

 

It sucks! Yeah that does make it ALOT harder. I never hurt her an did my bestro not to and look where it got ME! Lol.

[na49]

It sucks! Yeah that does make it ALOT harder. I never hurt her an did my bestro not to and look where it got ME! Lol.

 

I find that the more we try not to mess up, the more we mess up. I never tried to hurt my ex either and ended up hurting her anyway. (not sure how, but I she's not here anymore so I must have done something wrong). I like to take some of the blame even if the BU wasn't my fault. It makes me feel like less of a victim and helps me learn from it.

[ReadMyThread]

I find myself in a similar situation at times. I feel like I still love my ex at times, even though I don't love the way she is now. The good memories pop into my head and I say "wow she is so great". What I then try to do is remind myself of every way she disrespected me and I say to myself "wow why did I put up with her for as long as I did?" Your ex was not as great as you thought she was, and you don't deserve someone who doesn't respect you and treat you with the same level of respect that you give to them.

 

Although you think you KNOW that she will come back to you once her current relationship goes bad. The reality is that you DON'T KNOW if she will come back after or not. IF she does, then you need to think before you make any decision, but you DON'T KNOW if she will come back. You want her to come back and love to think that she will be back, but if you tell yourself that she'll be back you're only prolonging the process of you healing. You'll be waiting for her to come back to you, and every day that she doesn't you'll feel a little worse.

 

Don't be so down on yourself, you will find someone eventually. But that isn't what you should live your life trying to find. (a new girlfriend so that you can feel "happy" again) You seem to think the only way to be happy is to have someone else in your life. You were happy without her, you learned how to be happy with her, now you have to learn to be happy without her. I'm currently trying to heal myself of a similar situation, and the holidays aren't making it any easier but I still have my family and friends who do care about me so I'll be happy to have them.

 

Your totally right. But about the part about finding someone eventually I don't know about that. I kind of dont to find someone lol. I'm afraid something like this will happen again and I don't want that.

 

Have you ever seen the movie, "ghosts of a girlfriends past"? Basically it's about a guy who gets his heart broken by a girl when he was really young and he tells himself and his grandpa,"I never want this to happen again. I don't ever want to feel like this again." so he becomes a player or "jerk/bad boy" I guess and he never lets it happen again. Lol. I want to be that guy. But then in the end he eventually he ends up with the girl who broke his heart when he was younger. She was the only girl he ever loved lol. Crazy. But that's a movie lol. It's a good movie though. I got a lot of good quotes from it you should watch it.

 

I'm trying. Everyday is another day without her and closer to me getting over it. It just seems endless lol.

[ReadMyThread]

I find that the more we try not to mess up, the more we mess up. I never tried to hurt my ex either and ended up hurting her anyway. (not sure how, but I she's not here anymore so I must have done something wrong). I like to take some of the blame even if the BU wasn't my fault. It makes me feel like less of a victim and helps me learn from it.

 

That's really smart. You know I think the same. I know I hurt my ex as well because the second time we got together she told me about how after the first time she left me a friend of hers had a picture of me and she crumpled it up in anger. I was like,"you left me, why are pictures of me getting crumpled up?". I think both should take blame as well. I know I do but it seems I'm putting ALL the blame on myself :/. Obvisouly lol.

[Simon Phoenix]

You need to join a club or find a hobby or something. I started dating my ex right after I moved to a new place and basically hung out with primarily her when I wasn't working (except for an occasional trip a half-hour away to hang out with my best friends) and didn't really care to meet anyone else. Once we were broken, I was like "Oh ****, I don't have anyone to hang out with around here". I hooked up with some randoms right after the break, but no one I wanted to call up and chill with. But one thing I did do when I was dating my ex was hang out at this one bar to the point where I became a regular. So I started going there more frequently and talking to some of the other regulars. And from that, I've met a couple of people I can go out and get a drink with or just hang out with. Having social options has definitely helped me progress.

[na49]

We don't live in a fairy tale, things will more likely than not end how we want them to. You can look for inspiration from movies, but don't think that your situations will end like they do in movies. If they did, the good guys (us) would always win. Time will help everyone here, I know that it has for me.

[Harradin]

It sucks! Yeah that does make it ALOT harder. I never hurt her an did my bestro not to and look where it got ME! Lol.

 

I know, it sucks big time! But let's face it, its better that it happened now rather then later as we're far better equipped to deal with it in the future! Would have been far messier if it had gone on longer!

[Simon Phoenix]

We don't live in a fairy tale, things will more likely than not end how we want them to. You can look for inspiration from movies, but don't think that your situations will end like they do in movies. If they did, the good guys (us) would always win. Time will help everyone here, I know that it has for me.

 

Yep, movies are made to entertain and make people feel good (at least those types of movies). They have no basis in reality.