kahn2154 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I grew up with a really bad case of social anxiety, I was picked on quite a bit, and was basically socially withdrawn. I don't have any friends at all. I slowly started to come out of my shell, improve myself, and a couple of years ago decided I was going to force myself into social situations and start asking girls out. Well after a few years of doing that I finished where I started, I had trouble connecting to anyone, all conversations felt forced, I went on 3 dates, 2 of which were setup by someone else, one which included the girl showing up, ordering a drink, then leaving. I was extremely frustrated and about to give up, and one girl responded to my text after a few days. We clicked well, I felt comfortable around her, she REALLY liked me, I was happy for first time in my life, I at least made a friend. Then due to inadvertently rejecting her, inexperience, and bad timing I screwed it up and she lost interest. I could never get her off my mind, after a few months contacted her, tried to reengage, but she either wants nothing to do with me or is seeing someone else. The former crushes me, the latter sucks but I'd feel better about it. Since I have no one to talk to and this has basically been stewing in my head for months I decided to go to therapy and was put on antidepressants. Had a terrible reaction to Lexapro, nothing from welbutrin at first, now I'm extremely depressed not sure if it's the meds or just me. I keep replaying moments in my head and have nothing but regrets, I realize it's weird to be thinking about a girl for nearly half a year, but I just can't move on even though I want to. After she lost interest I attempted to be more social than I have ever been in my life and had no results. The advice I've gotten is to 'let it go', 'there are plenty of other girls out there', 'you will meet someone else eventually.' I'm 27 now, I spent two years nearly doing nothing but asking girls out and managed to pull off one date, so I'm not optimistic, and really have no motivation to be social anymore and stopped a couple of months ago. It's just torture for me and just tired of being rejected all my life. I've had crippling anxiety and even though I've been depressed my entire life it's never really affected me day to day. But I've had some weeks where I just didn't even want to get out of bed and have barely left the house over the last 3 weeks. I don't know if I could ever hurt myself (used to be I would never hurt myself ) but have tons of vivid suicidal thoughts, I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I think it's the fact I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and now feel worse than I ever have before.
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I'm 27 now, I spent two years nearly doing nothing but asking girls out and managed to pull off one date, so I'm not optimistic, and really have no motivation to be social anymore and stopped a couple of months ago. It's just torture for me and just tired of being rejected all my life. I've had crippling anxiety and even though I've been depressed my entire life it's never really affected me day to day. But I've had some weeks where I just didn't even want to get out of bed and have barely left the house over the last 3 weeks. I don't know if I could ever hurt myself (used to be I would never hurt myself ) but have tons of vivid suicidal thoughts, I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I think it's the fact I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and now feel worse than I ever have before.Yipes. I'm glad you're in therapy. That is definitely the right first step. Depression is a vicious cycle and it's hard to get out of. Also, there are TONS of anti-depressants out there. If something isn't working right, feel free to ask for something else. In your case, it's a requirement. More on that in a minute. Oh and I'm a nurse, btw, in case you're wondering. I'm hearing a couple of things here. One, you're not happy with yourself. Keep in mind that you will never have a good relationship until you do. You are your own A#1 and no woman can replace your own self worth. Right now, that should be your priority. Have you read any books on the subject? Go to Amazon and search around for something on self-esteem or self-worth. Two, some anti-depressants can actually make you worse. Believe it or not, Wellbutrin has a high incidence of suicidal thoughts. You need to call your doctor ASAP and get switched. Three, you need support too. Have you thought about some sort of support groups? You mention having no friends. A support group is a good way to not necessarily meet friends, but to be united with like minded people. So forget relationships right now. You need to get yourself straight. Many hugs and I'm here if you need to talk.
Author kahn2154 Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 (edited) I'm still depressed but after contacting psychiatrist am tapering off the Welbutrin and feeling much better. It made me very emotional and pretty much suicidal...She is recommending neurofeedback therapy. The only reason I'm not happy with myself though at this point is because I'm alone. Everyone thinks I have a dream life other than that... Never looked into support groups before. Still trying to rack my brain over meaning of her last text, sigh Edited December 7, 2012 by kahn2154
Esoteric Elf Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 This is commonplace for many males (and especially so in this age of less personal contact); that is, to overthink situations and dwell on them over and over again, each time the episode working more and more in your favor with you getting closer and closer to the desired girl. You have no friends, so you have probably plenty of time to think about this. Unfortunately, you constitute 15% of her life; she constitutes 75% of yours. This disparity serves to create a rift in any relationship. For instance, you are thinking about her so much, so, in your mind, your relationship has advanced more than if she had thought about you for only a small fraction of that time. Time can be your worst enemy.
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