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Issues with guy I'm seeing, and he's complaining about my co-worker relationship

romanticisingme

By romanticisingme
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romanticisingme Member

romanticisingme

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This relationship thing is exhausting. I've started seeing a guy for a few months but it's proven to be more tedious than when I was single. The things we have to do together and the things I have to tell him.

 

He's now even complained about my relationship with my co-worker/supervisor. Which I never thought anything about. We all work in the same merchandise store. We don't publicize our relationship because it's a workplace and I don't know how long we'll see each other, given all these issues we have.

 

What he says about my co-worker/supervisor.

1. He comes to my aid at work whenever he sees that I'm in a bind or when I seek help (but that's natural, no?)

2. He asks me out for lunch and talks to me about work (eh, that's still natural, right?)

3. According to the guy I'm seeing, my co-worker/supervisor looks at me a lot and finds opportunities to chat to me

4. He's the most attentive to me of all the supervisees he has

 

My counter-argument is my co-worker/supervisor doesn't know he and I are seeing each other. So if he really feels that strongly about me, he would have asked me out.

 

Anyways, my questions for LS guys are: what do you think of the guy I'm seeing, am I right to be frustrated by him, what do you think of his comments about my co-worker/supervisor and what do you think of my counter-argument?

aed Established Member

aed

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What is holding you back from breaking up, if you are only "a few months" dating?

 

When you are even a little serious about this guy: be honest and tell him straight what bothers you and what he can expect. Wait for his response and listen to him, and then figure it out to gether.

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romanticisingme Member

romanticisingme

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What is holding you back from breaking up, if you are only "a few months" dating?

 

When you are even a little serious about this guy: be honest and tell him straight what bothers you and what he can expect. Wait for his response and listen to him, and then figure it out to gether.

 

Precisely because it's only a few months old that I think it may need more time.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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I agree with AED you should be up front and honest with how you are feeling, he would most likely have no idea that it is affecting you.....then work it out together and compromise...good luck..deb

RachR Established Member

RachR

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He's your supervisor, so no, he's not just going to straight up ask you out. Sorry, but are you fairly young? Like early 20s? I have to ask since you disregarded that notion. And whether your bf is being insecure or not, it does sound like your supervisor is at least attracted to you. Doesn't sound like you're too into your bf anyway, just break up with him already.

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aed Established Member

aed

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Precisely because it's only a few months old that I think it may need more time.

 

Then be straight about it. Also jealousy never comes out of the blue and is mostly an interaction with the 2 people involved.

 

1) the person how is jealous is mostly insecure about the spouse her/his commitment, and is filling up and interpretating situations with his of hers own negative thoughts

 

2) the person how get's to blame probably doesn't set straight boundaries when interacting with the other gender, and doesn't show he or she doesn't need to worry (telling someone he or she doesn't need to worry, isn't the same as showing someone that he or she doesn't need to worry)

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romanticisingme Member

romanticisingme

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I agree with AED you should be up front and honest with how you are feeling, he would most likely have no idea that it is affecting you.....then work it out together and compromise...good luck..deb

 

Thank you.

 

He's your supervisor, so no, he's not just going to straight up ask you out. Sorry, but are you fairly young? Like early 20s? I have to ask since you disregarded that notion. And whether your bf is being insecure or not, it does sound like your supervisor is at least attracted to you. Doesn't sound like you're too into your bf anyway, just break up with him already.

 

We're in our mid 20s.

 

Funnily enough, after my boyfriend said that of my co-worker/supervisor, I start to wonder if my co-worker/supervisor is into me. :o

 

I'm into my boyfriend but after all the issues/complaints he has about me, I start to wonder if I should be with him.

 

Then be straight about it. Also jealousy never comes out of the blue and is mostly an interaction with the 2 people involved.

 

1) the person how is jealous is mostly insecure about the spouse her/his commitment, and is filling up and interpretating situations with his of hers own negative thoughts

 

2) the person how get's to blame probably doesn't set straight boundaries when interacting with the other gender, and doesn't show he or she doesn't need to worry (telling someone he or she doesn't need to worry, isn't the same as showing someone that he or she doesn't need to worry)

 

You may be right. IDK. But the whole thing is just tiresome. I wish my boyfriend would trust me more.

dasein Established Member

dasein

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Your BF's concerns about your and your supervisor's interactions are entirely reasonable, especially in light of the fact he witnesses them and your boss's special treatment of you with his own eyes. And no, your boss wouldn't ask you out directly, unless he is a complete idiot or wants to get fired.

 

If I had a nickel for every one of these faux work related relationship deals I've had to endure over the years between one of my GFs and a "hands on" boss, and unlike your BF, I didn't have to watch them going on with my own eyes at work, I'd be at least a dollar richer:laugh:. The calls "about business" :rolleyes: that somehow don't get made to other employees; The lunches "about business," :rolleyes: that he somehow never or rarely invites other employees to (when they are legit, the boss will take several out at a time); and the "I want you two to meet, you would really get along with him" that somehow never pans out due to the boss backing out at the last minute or having a conflict :rolleyes: are transparent to all but of course the GF getting all the special attention. Usually she will be whining about some "good old boy" network and it being a "man's world" while this is going on. the irony. Posting all this anecdote, not as dispositive of your situation, but rather so you might understand a BF/male perspective on this kind of thing.

 

So that's the only specific gripe you make about your BF, what else is he doing that annoys you? Sorry, but reading between the lines here leads to the conclusion that you are looking for an excuse to leave your BF and make a play for your boss, which is evidenced by how much of your OP you devote to the boss and how little you devote to any other actions of the BF. Hope I'm wrong in this assessment.

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aed Established Member

aed

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Thank you.

 

 

 

We're in our mid 20s.

 

Funnily enough, after my boyfriend said that of my co-worker/supervisor, I start to wonder if my co-worker/supervisor is into me. :o

 

I'm into my boyfriend but after all the issues/complaints he has about me, I start to wonder if I should be with him.

 

 

 

You may be right. IDK. But the whole thing is just tiresome. I wish my boyfriend would trust me more.

Then SHOW him you are a trust worthy gf. It works to 2 ways around

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CC12 Established Member

CC12

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what do you think of his comments about my co-worker/supervisor and what do you think of my counter-argument?

 

I'm not even sure why there needs to be a counter argument, or exactly why this is an issue.

 

I mean, okay, let's say your supervisor is into you. So what? What does your boyfriend think you should do about it? Does he get upset with you over it? Does he think you're encouraging his attention or something?

 

I just really don't get why this is a thing in your relationship.

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romanticisingme Member

romanticisingme

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Your BF's concerns about your and your supervisor's interactions are entirely reasonable, especially in light of the fact he witnesses them and your boss's special treatment of you with his own eyes. And no, your boss wouldn't ask you out directly, unless he is a complete idiot or wants to get fired.

 

If I had a nickel for every one of these faux work related relationship deals I've had to endure over the years between one of my GFs and a "hands on" boss, and unlike your BF, I didn't have to watch them going on with my own eyes at work, I'd be at least a dollar richer:laugh:. The calls "about business" :rolleyes: that somehow don't get made to other employees; The lunches "about business," :rolleyes: that he somehow never or rarely invites other employees to (when they are legit, the boss will take several out at a time); and the "I want you two to meet, you would really get along with him" that somehow never pans out due to the boss backing out at the last minute or having a conflict :rolleyes: are transparent to all but of course the GF getting all the special attention. Usually she will be whining about some "good old boy" network and it being a "man's world" while this is going on. the irony. Posting all this anecdote, not as dispositive of your situation, but rather so you might understand a BF/male perspective on this kind of thing.

 

So that's the only specific gripe you make about your BF, what else is he doing that annoys you? Sorry, but reading between the lines here leads to the conclusion that you are looking for an excuse to leave your BF and make a play for your boss, which is evidenced by how much of your OP you devote to the boss and how little you devote to any other actions of the BF. Hope I'm wrong in this assessment.

 

My boyfriend expects me to tell him everything I do, where I am and who I am with.

 

Not sure I want to leave my boyfriend but like I said, if he hadn't brought up that my co-worker/supervisor may be interested in me, I wouldn't even have thought of it.

 

I'm not even sure why there needs to be a counter argument, or exactly why this is an issue.

 

I mean, okay, let's say your supervisor is into you. So what? What does your boyfriend think you should do about it? Does he get upset with you over it? Does he think you're encouraging his attention or something?

 

I just really don't get why this is a thing in your relationship.

 

My boyfriend didn't say what I should do about my co-worker/supervisor liking me. He gets upset about it so he tries to "control" me even more than he used to.

Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted
He's now even complained about my relationship with my co-worker/supervisor.

 

My boyfriend expects me to tell him everything I do, where I am and who I am with.

 

He gets upset about it so he tries to "control" me even more than he used to.

 

Sounds exhausting...

CC12 Established Member

CC12

Posted
Posted
My boyfriend didn't say what I should do about my co-worker/supervisor liking me. He gets upset about it so he tries to "control" me even more than he used to.

 

If you're worried about something, then there's probably a good reason for it. Listen to your gut, and all that.

 

Him being controlling is likely always going to be an issue unless he sincerely realizes it's a problem and wants to change it. It's not really a behavior that goes away on its own, and it just gets worse over time.

 

I think most stable, confident, secure people would react to your supervisor's supposed crush with the attitude of, "It's understandable that he likes her, because she's pretty great. I like her, too. She's not doing anything wrong, and I'm not worried about her running off with him or anything, so who cares if he likes her? She's with me."

meandmyself Established Member

meandmyself

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My boyfriend expects me to tell him everything I do, where I am and who I am with.

 

Not sure I want to leave my boyfriend but like I said, if he hadn't brought up that my co-worker/supervisor may be interested in me, I wouldn't even have thought of it.

 

 

 

My boyfriend didn't say what I should do about my co-worker/supervisor liking me. He gets upset about it so he tries to "control" me even more than he used to.

 

If your bf is really trying to control you then you need to do something about it... a relationship should be built on trust.

 

Having said that I would also be concern if my wife boss would invite her for lunch often but not to other co-workers... I still would trust my wife but I would want her not to go to those special lunch's anymore.

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romanticisingme Member

romanticisingme

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you're worried about something, then there's probably a good reason for it. Listen to your gut, and all that.

 

Him being controlling is likely always going to be an issue unless he sincerely realizes it's a problem and wants to change it. It's not really a behavior that goes away on its own, and it just gets worse over time.

 

I think most stable, confident, secure people would react to your supervisor's supposed crush with the attitude of, "It's understandable that he likes her, because she's pretty great. I like her, too. She's not doing anything wrong, and I'm not worried about her running off with him or anything, so who cares if he likes her? She's with me."

 

We have had a talk about his trust issues. We are going to give each other time but I'm not sure how much will change.

 

If your bf is really trying to control you then you need to do something about it... a relationship should be built on trust.

 

Having said that I would also be concern if my wife boss would invite her for lunch often but not to other co-workers... I still would trust my wife but I would want her not to go to those special lunch's anymore.

 

My co-worker/supervisor does not only invite me for lunch. He invites others too. During lunch, we mostly only talk about work.

 

I don't even know how my boyfriend could think my co-worker/supervisor might have something for me.

meandmyself Established Member

meandmyself

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Posted
We have had a talk about his trust issues. We are going to give each other time but I'm not sure how much will change.

 

 

 

My co-worker/supervisor does not only invite me for lunch. He invites others too. During lunch, we mostly only talk about work.

 

I don't even know how my boyfriend could think my co-worker/supervisor might have something for me.

 

Honestly I would talk seriously to him... he has jealousy and self confidence problems and they can hurt your relationship in a very bad way (if they haven't yet). Most of the times this kind of guys have been hurt in the past and maybe a good therapy could help him to move on and get over it. If you love him and want to keep him you will need to help him too telling him often how you would never cheat on him... it sounds idiotic and you may think that it should be understood already since you are in an exclusive relationship but he will feel much better if you say it.

 

If he can't overcome this feelings and keep his controlling attitude I would suggest you to stop sooner the better the relationship because it will only get worse later on...

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