Made a bold move last night....

[Under The Radar]

Thanks again for the advice.I will stay in sex free zones! I had no idea it was that simple! Lol.

 

I don't really know what I'm asking here.

 

Maybe I just need to write this out to get my thoughts together

 

 

So tonight I just had a wave of sadness come over me.

 

I have been so excited about this new guy since I met him.He seemed like a really good, hard challenge at first.I thought to myself- this is an extremely handsome, single, lawyer, with a good head on his shoulders & I actually didn't sense any severe personality disorder from him.(I sense people's auras)

 

At first...

I think I was so attracted to the challenge of it.Him waiting a few hours to text me back. It made me anxious & want him more.(but at the same time as feeling anxious-I also felt at ease-if that makes any sense - because I really feel like he is a trustworthy guy who is not just looking to bone everything that moves) He has been consistently keeping contact since we met on Friday night but, those first few days he would wait a while to reply to my texts.

 

He never really complimented my looks at first so, I guess I was craving his compliment & then today, he texted me in the morning calling me sexy.(I felt satisfied-he gave me what I wanted.)Then I replied with a compliment back at him & said I know you're at work so I'm ending this texting conversation with this & said a funny joke.(that was my way of letting him know I understand that he can't text me immediately or anything cause he is really busy with work)He laughed & said he liked my style.Then said "F*ck work! It drags sometimes" (which I basically interpreted as "Hey-I like texting with you throughout the day-feel free to do it.You got me hooked AsItIs")

 

I gotta tell the truth here.I don't even know what to do.I don't even feel like responding.

(It's weird but, sadly...it'll probably make him like me even more.)

 

I feel like I don't even wanna start texting like a mad woman in an instant relationship.I think I lost a tiny bit of interest now that I feel like I got him hooked.I don't know-I think I just feel like when it's too easy, or healthy, it's not as exciting anymore.

 

But....

 

I'm trying to change my patterns because I need to find a great man & have a family sometime in the near future(I'll be 32 this month)So I think I should ride it out at a sane person's pace & keep going with the flow...taking it slow.

 

I had a really good time with him.We have alot in common.I could see him being a good husband & provider one day.I guess I need to take it really slow with him & accept the fact that when I feel intensive "sparks"those are actually warning signs that I've met "a bird of a feather"(meaning a guy with personality disorder)

 

 

I'm leaving him hanging on that last text.I guess I just need to some time to think.I will either reply really late or wait for him to text me again,I guess.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts?I'm sorry if I'm rambling.I tried to get the words out but it's a little tough right now.I just realized that this is what I did to my ex.When he was hot & heavy in the begining, I guess I lost interest (my best friend just reminded me the other day, that I told her that about my ex & I don't even remember that.) I just remember cheating on him in the beginning & then when he wanted to dump me for it-I couldn't let him go.I got obsessed when I realized my ex could just leave me that easily

 

 

As you know, we generally want what we cannot have. Now that Mr. Attorney () seems to have taken a consistent liking to you he is not as interesting.

 

You are absolutely correct that changing your thought patterns with dating is critical for future success. Otherwise, that husband and family you speak of will never happen (at least with someone worthy). Keep things slow and simple right now. If you force things to escalate (such as using sex) at an unatural rate then expect it to "blowup" in your face.

 

This is going to sound condescending, but I'm ecstatic you have not slept with him yet . Make these guys earn it by being good boyfriends first before giving them all of the perks of having a loyal girlfriend.

 

Oh, and AsItIs, please don't make him your "MASTER".

[yongyong]

'I could see him being a good husband & provider one day'

 

I don't think he would do that for a woman who picked him up at a bar.

[Estate]

The guy rule, at least in my social circle if two guys like a girl or whatever if one can get her, then by all means. In the case like OP, no guy who hit on her and failed would have had hard feelings about someone else getting her. I mean you have only known the person for a few minutes, not like you really know them anyways.

 

Eh, if the first thing a girl text me about was smoking weed. It's gonna be a pretty big deal breaker.

 

Depends on the guy though I guess.

[Shaun-Dro]

So I was at a bar last night with a female friend of mine.I was pretty buzzed from a couple of drinks & enjoying a cigarette outside.Three guys came out to smoke & I start chatting with them.We had some fun easy going convo going, for about 45 minutes.One of the guys suggested that my friend & I go see their band play tonight (Sat) at another bar.This guy said "give me your number so I can tell you the specifics" I said my phone number out loud to him but, I really liked the other guy he was with.

 

When the guy who asked for my number left I made my move....

 

I told the guy I liked, that I actually wanted to give my number to him.He said "ok-what's your number?" I gave it to him & he said "I'm gonna call you right now" He did, and while standing right next to him, I answered & said "Hey! You're really cute...on that note-I gotta go" We laughed,hugged & I gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving the bar.

 

He texted me this morning & asked how I was doing.Said it was nice to meet me & commented about how it was a shame cause I broke something.(my glass pipe used for smoking weed)

 

I texted him back when I woke up an hour later, just saying that I was good,thanks.Have a little hangover cause I'm not cut out for drinking but, told him I was glad I was drunk enough to put the moves on him last night.

 

It took him 5 hours to reply...

 

He lol'd & said he was in band rehearsal & also felt not that great from drinking last night

 

I texted him back within a few minutes just saying I was sorry he didn't feel good & told him if he wants to smoke weed or something let me know...

 

Now it's been over 5 hours since I sent that text & I haven't heard from him yet.Granted...I know his band is playing a show at a bar tonight but, I kinda thought I was gonna go see them play since his friend invited me.I won't be contacting him again, until I hear from him but...

 

Does it seem like he's just busy?Or not that interested? I mean...I know I just met him last night but, I was thinking, if he is really interested,it only takes a minute to reply to a text.Am I being irrational here?

 

Like I said in another thread months ago, give a woman some drinks, and she'll finally grow a pair and let a man "in" and boy was I right.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It seems like you're making a huge leap into "he's hooked" just because he said "F*** work" and you interpreted it to mean you should text him incessantly

 

There's a pretty fair chance he's not so hooked.

[NoMoreJerks]

'I could see him being a good husband & provider one day'

 

I don't think he would do that for a woman who picked him up at a bar.

Are you saying that people who meet each other in bars cannot get serious with each other? That's a huge assumption/generalization right there. It depends on what kind of bar we're talking about. Sleazy bars? Sure. But most bars here are places where people go with friends for some drinks after work, etc. There are also live bands every night, and that is when more of the "singles" action takes place, but it's by no means sleazy and there are some decent men who are not there just for a ONS, but to meet a woman they might date. I mean, where else is someone supposed to meet a girl / guy? At work? I don't date work colleagues as a rule. Also, I do not have a huge social circle, and everyone's too busy to do much, and the only thing we DO get to do is go out for drinks every now and then. I'd like to think that all my friends (who go to bars) are pretty good people (some are actually married). Now if you were talking about the clubbing scene, I'd understand. But bars? They're pretty low-key.

 

Maybe this guy is not relationship material, or maybe he'd be turned off by a silly pothead girl, but that doesn't say anything about people who frequent bars.

[NoMoreJerks]

OMG, OP, you are turning 32 and you 1) still smoke weed; 2) you ask total strangers you just met at a bar if they'd like to smoke weed with you; 3) you expect that they'd take you seriously and want to have a relationship with you after you say that???

 

I hope you realize that there is something seriously wrong with this logic, but clearly, you do not, otherwise you would not be doing the same thing over and over again. My advice is that you grow the **** up.

[AsItIs]

I had a date with this guy on Saturday night. I made the mistake of telling him that I needed to watch the UFC fight, when he asked me what I was going to be doing that night.So he suggested us grabbing dinner before the fight & then watching it at his house.I said "Ok,but, I don't you to get the wrong idea about me coming to your house." He said he would be "on his best behavior." I immediately thought I had made a mistake suggesting watching the fight & thought to myself "maybe I should just cancel" But... I thought about it & decided to go ahead and carry out with our plans but, for me to stay strong & commit to not having sex... no matter what.

 

So, we had dinner, watched the fights, did some heavy making out/petting (with all clothes on) After the fight,we watched a documentary & kissed alot more. I got on top of him (with my clothes still on) and dry humped him.He told me it was "painful in a good way" cause he was almost going to ejaculate in his pants. At that point he tried to undo my pants & I said "No,we can't do this so soon" He said "Why not?" I said "Cause I'm not emotionally equipped to have sex this soon" (I know it may have sounded lame & unnatural but I'm not used to saying no, when I want to have sex)

 

I guess it's a good thing because...

 

I went home & didn't hear from him that night.Didn't hear from him the next morning either so, I felt bad about not thanking him for dinner immediately so I decided to text him the next day (Sunday)just to thank him.I sent this "Just wanted to thank you for dinner & the drinks last night.I had fun.Enjoy your Sunday" He replied "No problem! I had fun too.Happy Sunday"

 

 

And I haven't heard from him since.

 

I guess I just weeded out a guy just looking to get laid but, it still kinda stings.I had the intuition that all he was thinking was that, since I hit on him at the bar-I must just be an easy lay.I guess my gut was right.I'm glad I didn't have sex though, cause I would have been more hurt so-I just wanna thank you guys for the advice & for teaching me lots of new things.I loved edgygirls' thread about "how to keep a guy interested without putting out"I feel just like she does.I believe I just naturally give out a sexual vibe & am at the age where I'm looking for something more meaningful.I will keep you guys posted if anything new happens but just wanted to say many thanks to everyone!

[Drseussgrrl]

Wow - this is such a HUGE improvement over your other threads Asitis.

 

So proud of you for sticking to your boundaries. And yeah, you're right that he was probably just looking for a good time.

 

Which is fine, but you are not, and you would have felt a lot worse had you slept with him.

 

Kudos!!!

[clairehud]

My opinion is this!

If two people meet and incredible rare spark happens between them...To have sex or not to have it, it doesn't make any difference.

It will make a difference if that kind of guy is a player and has slept with xxx number of girls. But anyway you can't be sure how is some stranger like, you can get out with that kind of man on 5 dates and then have sex, and it would be the same thing. You'd feel used anyway. He'd go on and move on.

 

You can't change a man and what he is like.

 

If a man is mature and adult. When he likes someone, he will like that someone no matter what and would like to get to know that girl whether they got laid 1st night or 10th night.

 

I always wondered how promiscious girls/guys at some point of their life get married and actually become faithfull. Its not because their wife didn't gave them on 1 st night or something. Its because somehow they clicked

Mostly my male friends tell me oh I'll never get married, no way! I'll fool around for some time and then at some point they meet a girl who changed them, no matter when sexed happened. I asked them why? They never could of tell right reason. Just that it was something different

Edited December 11, 2012 by clairehud

[Drseussgrrl]

My opinion is this!

If two people meet and incredible rare spark happens between them...To have sex or not to have it, it doesn't make any difference.

It will make a difference if that kind of guy is a player and has slept with xxx number of girls. But anyway you can't be sure how is some stranger like, you can get out with that kind of man on 5 dates and then have sex, and it would be the same thing. You'd feel used anyway. He'd go on and move on.

 

You can't change a man and what he is like.

 

If a man is mature and adult. When he likes someone, he will like that someone no matter what and would like to get to know that girl whether they got laid 1st night or 10th night.

 

I always wondered how promiscious girls/guys at some point of their life get married and actually become faithfull. Its not because their wife didn't gave them on 1 st night or something. Its because somehow they clicked

Mostly my male friends tell me oh I'll never get married, no way! I'll fool around for some time and then at some point they meet a girl who changed them, no matter when sexed happened. I asked them why? They never could of tell right reason. Just that it was something different

 

Well sometimes it takes a certain amount of dates to figure out how a guy feels about you.

 

In the OP's case it took only two dates for him to fall off the radar. So he wasn't all that interested, and if the OP had slept with him she would have felt even worse when he disappeared.

 

She saved herself the heartache.

[Ruby Slippers]

I guess I just weeded out a guy just looking to get laid but, it still kinda stings.

Good work. Just think about how bad you'd feel if you had sex with him and then he disappeared.

 

Sounds like you've still got some work to do, but you're making progress, and that's good!

 

I suggest you make some rules for yourself and stick to them. Write them down and review them often. Things like:

 

No dates at his place or mine for X period of time.

No approaching men at bars and asking them to get high.

No getting high with a man you haven't vetted for a relationship.

 

And so on.

[clairehud]

Well sometimes it takes a certain amount of dates to figure out how a guy feels about you.

 

In the OP's case it took only two dates for him to fall off the radar. So he wasn't all that interested, and if the OP had slept with him she would have felt even worse when he disappeared.

 

She saved herself the heartache.

 

It doesn't take couple of dates to know how someone feels about someone it takes months!

I don't want to sound harsh now, but she texted him thank you text. If my date does that next day maybe I wouldn't reply either soon. Its only 2,3 days right? Who says he blew her off for not having sex? And who says he needs to text her every day, they are not in a relationship! Maybe he'll call her, maybe he won't. Maybe he is an *******, maybe he was just man who got excited near attractive woman and couldn't handle it. Time will show!

 

She did a good job anyway. Its always about what you want and expect, not into them!

 

I realised today what I want too and I'm happy about it. Time will show, just that my story is different. My guy is claiming he is into me all the time by some of his actions and more of the words. Just that he acts a bit different lately. So don't be sad, better to find out if someone is an ******* in a few days then months!

Thank you too for your story because I know what I will do now too!

[RachR]

I had a date with this guy on Saturday night. I made the mistake of telling him that I needed to watch the UFC fight, when he asked me what I was going to be doing that night.So he suggested us grabbing dinner before the fight & then watching it at his house.I said "Ok,but, I don't you to get the wrong idea about me coming to your house." He said he would be "on his best behavior." I immediately thought I had made a mistake suggesting watching the fight & thought to myself "maybe I should just cancel" But... I thought about it & decided to go ahead and carry out with our plans but, for me to stay strong & commit to not having sex... no matter what.

 

So, we had dinner, watched the fights, did some heavy making out/petting (with all clothes on) After the fight,we watched a documentary & kissed alot more. I got on top of him (with my clothes still on) and dry humped him.He told me it was "painful in a good way" cause he was almost going to ejaculate in his pants. At that point he tried to undo my pants & I said "No,we can't do this so soon" He said "Why not?" I said "Cause I'm not emotionally equipped to have sex this soon" (I know it may have sounded lame & unnatural but I'm not used to saying no, when I want to have sex)

 

I guess it's a good thing because...

 

I went home & didn't hear from him that night.Didn't hear from him the next morning either so, I felt bad about not thanking him for dinner immediately so I decided to text him the next day (Sunday)just to thank him.I sent this "Just wanted to thank you for dinner & the drinks last night.I had fun.Enjoy your Sunday" He replied "No problem! I had fun too.Happy Sunday"

 

 

And I haven't heard from him since.

 

I guess I just weeded out a guy just looking to get laid but, it still kinda stings.I had the intuition that all he was thinking was that, since I hit on him at the bar-I must just be an easy lay.I guess my gut was right.I'm glad I didn't have sex though, cause I would have been more hurt so-I just wanna thank you guys for the advice & for teaching me lots of new things.I loved edgygirls' thread about "how to keep a guy interested without putting out"I feel just like she does.I believe I just naturally give out a sexual vibe & am at the age where I'm looking for something more meaningful.I will keep you guys posted if anything new happens but just wanted to say many thanks to everyone!

 

Stop dry humping guys when you don't intend to f***.

[AsItIs]

Just when I was ready to give up on this guy -

(after 3 whole days of silence)

 

He texted me "How's your week been going cutieface?"

 

I'm not sure what to make of this?

 

Is this how normal people take it slow?

 

Or

 

Is he just keeping me on the backburner?

 

Any thoughts?

[Trimmer]

Just when I was ready to give up on this guy -

(after 3 whole days of silence)

 

He texted me "How's your week been going cutieface?"

 

I'm not sure what to make of this?

 

Is this how normal people take it slow?

 

Or

 

Is he just keeping me on the backburner?

 

Any thoughts?

He's trying to see if, with a minimal investment of energy, he can progress from dry humping to wet humping.

[AsItIs]

He's trying to see if, with a minimal investment of energy, he can progress from dry humping to wet humping.

 

Thanks for that Trimmer,

I had that suspicion as well.I didn't reply last night.I will probably get around to it soon.I got put off by that.We'll see if he picks up his game

[clia]

He texted me "How's your week been going cutieface?"

 

I'm not sure what to make of this?

 

Is this how normal people take it slow?

 

Or

 

Is he just keeping me on the backburner?

 

Honestly at this point it really could be either. Many guys follow a "three day rule" in the early stages of dating so as not to look too anxious. After all, you barely know this guy -- there is no reason why he should be contacting you every single day. It would be reasonable, however, for him to contact you on Wednesday to ask you out for Saturday. Maybe that is what he was trying to do? If you like him, at this point just respond to his messages, be receptive, and if he asks you out and you want to go, then go. However, DO NOT GO TO HIS HOUSE AND DO NOT DRY (OR WET) HUMP HIM YET!

 

That said...

 

I had a date with this guy on Saturday night. I made the mistake of telling him that I needed to watch the UFC fight, when he asked me what I was going to be doing that night.So he suggested us grabbing dinner before the fight & then watching it at his house.

 

This is where you should have suggested finding a bar that was showing the fight and watching it there. You are still way too agreeable to go to a guy's house on these early dates. (This is your first date with him, isn't it?) Fight or no, you can see where that led. If you were in public with him, it would not have led to what it did.

 

I said "Ok,but, I don't you to get the wrong idea about me coming to your house." He said he would be "on his best behavior."

 

What you say doesn't matter -- you agreed to go to his house.

 

I immediately thought I had made a mistake suggesting watching the fight & thought to myself "maybe I should just cancel" But... I thought about it & decided to go ahead and carry out with our plans but, for me to stay strong & commit to not having sex... no matter what.

 

This is a great start for you!

 

So, we had dinner, watched the fights, did some heavy making out/petting (with all clothes on) After the fight,we watched a documentary & kissed alot more. I got on top of him (with my clothes still on) and dry humped him.He told me it was "painful in a good way" cause he was almost going to ejaculate in his pants. At that point he tried to undo my pants & I said "No,we can't do this so soon" He said "Why not?" I said "Cause I'm not emotionally equipped to have sex this soon" (I know it may have sounded lame & unnatural but I'm not used to saying no, when I want to have sex)

 

Much better than having sex, but you should have got up and left after the fight. (Easier said than done, I know.) This must have taken you into the wee hours of the morning. As my dad used to say, "Nothing good happens after midnight!" (Well, you get the drift.) Honestly, the later you are out with these guys the more likely you will end up at their house or end up dry humping in a hot and heavy make out session. Pretend you are going to turn into a pumpkin like Cinderella and have to be home by midnight. You'll save yourself a lot of grief.