yongyong Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 A guy talks to a girl at the bar. Although he just keep the conversation casual, what do you think his intention is? You hit on him at the bar. you don't think he would tell his friends 'this girl is all over me, this would be an easy lay'? I don't know how you look compared to this guy. But most men wouldn't mind a bangable chick especially when it falls on his lap like that. I know you are going to say 'I am not that kind of girl' (like the rest of the women) but you picked him up at the bar. no explanation is needed. 1
Author AsItIs Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Thanks again to everyone! Just for the record...I'm not sitting here counting the minutes between texts.It'ms just pretty obvious when someone takes hours to get back to a simple conversation. So I texted him back when I woke up this am. I said "I was asleep last night you ass goblin" He replied right away"Well excuuuuse meeee.Did you ever buy a new pipe?" I replied"Yup.I bought one" 2 hours later he just texted me back"What are you up to today" I'm gonna play his game.I'm gonna take 2 hours to reply too.
SmileFace Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Thanks again to everyone! Just for the record...I'm not sitting here counting the minutes between texts.It'ms just pretty obvious when someone takes hours to get back to a simple conversation. So I texted him back when I woke up this am. I said "I was asleep last night you ass goblin" He replied right away"Well excuuuuse meeee.Did you ever buy a new pipe?" I replied"Yup.I bought one" 2 hours later he just texted me back"What are you up to today" I'm gonna play his game.I'm gonna take 2 hours to reply too. I really don't know why you didn't just ignore the text and wait until he contacted you at a more favorable hour. You telling him you were sleeping and that you knew he was looking for some ass -- isn't really giving him the impression that you aren't just looking to sleep with him. It is just letting him know that I was sleeping this time. However I don't get the whole pipe talk so that is beyond confusing. You are going to play his game?! Are you a child. If you have to put this much thought into texting someone or technically competing you are wasting your time. 1
Author AsItIs Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 I really don't know why you didn't just ignore the text and wait until he contacted you at a more favorable hour. You telling him you were sleeping and that you knew he was looking for some ass -- isn't really giving him the impression that you aren't just looking to sleep with him. It is just letting him know that I was sleeping this time. However I don't get the whole pipe talk so that is beyond confusing. You are going to play his game?! Are you a child. If you have to put this much thought into texting someone or technically competing you are wasting your time. Well I replied telling him I was asleep because he was the last one to text,so I felt the ball was in my court to reply next. I told him I was asleep to let him know that 1:30 am is not acceptable.The ass goblin comment was just a joke.He knows I am silly.The pipe talk stemmed from the night I met him at the bar.We were going to smoke together but I broke my bowl.When he texted me the morning after we met,he said it was a shame that I broke it, cause I was upset about it that night. So I told him yesterday that I was going to the store to buy a new one & if he wanted to smoke or do something to let me know. I know it's a waste of time to play childish games.I just want to treat him like he's treating me.I figure,if he's interested,he'll get the point & step up his game.
snowflakes88 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 You should really stop offering up hanging out and smoking weed as an "activity" and then getting butthurt when these guys don't take you seriously. 3
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Well I replied telling him I was asleep because he was the last one to text,so I felt the ball was in my court to reply next. I told him I was asleep to let him know that 1:30 am is not acceptable.The ass goblin comment was just a joke.He knows I am silly.The pipe talk stemmed from the night I met him at the bar.We were going to smoke together but I broke my bowl.When he texted me the morning after we met,he said it was a shame that I broke it, cause I was upset about it that night. So I told him yesterday that I was going to the store to buy a new one & if he wanted to smoke or do something to let me know. I know it's a waste of time to play childish games.I just want to treat him like he's treating me.I figure,if he's interested,he'll get the point & step up his game. His little games get him to his goal, which given 1:30 am "hiya" texts after a bar pickup and discussions to hang out and smoke pot, suggest hookup not relationship. Sorry. If your goal isn't a casual encounter, how do you see "playing his game" as shifting things to a different outcome. I don't understand your logic. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 You should really stop offering up hanging out and smoking weed as an "activity" and then getting butthurt when these guys don't take you seriously. This....! Get a clue already, girl. 1
Author AsItIs Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 This....! Get a clue already, girl. Riiight! I know! But what am I supposed to do?The very first words out of his mouth the day we met was"You girls look so comfortable.Got any drugs?" We said"only weed-he said- "I got weed too"Then we talked about him doing shrooms and payote.So it's only natural that we smoke weed together at some point.Btw-I don't understand why everyone thinks it's so bad to smoke it? I am a highly functioning weed smoker with my own business and have alot going for me.He is a highly functioning lawyer that smokes.We have that in common.
Under The Radar Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Riiight! I know! But what am I supposed to do?The very first words out of his mouth the day we met was"You girls look so comfortable.Got any drugs?" We said"only weed-he said- "I got weed too"Then we talked about him doing shrooms and payote.So it's only natural that we smoke weed together at some point.Btw-I don't understand why everyone thinks it's so bad to smoke it? I am a highly functioning weed smoker with my own business and have alot going for me.He is a highly functioning lawyer that smokes.We have that in common. Wait a minute!!! He's an attorney. You're a small business owner. He's got hallucinogenic mushrooms AND peyote. You've got mad amounts of marijuana AND a killer smoking pipe. Uh, yeah ... this is going to get interesting. I'll definitely be following this thread . 1
RachR Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Well I replied telling him I was asleep because he was the last one to text,so I felt the ball was in my court to reply next. I told him I was asleep to let him know that 1:30 am is not acceptable.The ass goblin comment was just a joke.He knows I am silly.The pipe talk stemmed from the night I met him at the bar.We were going to smoke together but I broke my bowl.When he texted me the morning after we met,he said it was a shame that I broke it, cause I was upset about it that night. So I told him yesterday that I was going to the store to buy a new one & if he wanted to smoke or do something to let me know. I know it's a waste of time to play childish games.I just want to treat him like he's treating me.I figure,if he's interested,he'll get the point & step up his game. Just wanted to say, that to me, your text didn't come off as telling him "it's not ok to text me at 1:30 am" at all. You just "laughed" by making a joke and simply said you were asleep. IMO to let someone know it's not ok, just don't even respond to a text that was sent that late in the night, even if you end up texting him yourself the next day (but still not in response to that text). That may just be me though. (And only for people I don't know that well.) 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Riiight! I know! But what am I supposed to do?The very first words out of his mouth the day we met was"You girls look so comfortable.Got any drugs?" We said"only weed-he said- "I got weed too"Then we talked about him doing shrooms and payote.So it's only natural that we smoke weed together at some point.Btw-I don't understand why everyone thinks it's so bad to smoke it? I am a highly functioning weed smoker with my own business and have alot going for me.He is a highly functioning lawyer that smokes.We have that in common. Got any drugs? Seriously??? This was his pickup line? LOL! I'm not trying to be mean here, but how can you wonder why he's "playing games" when he leads with this?This is not a pick-up line that leads to anything serious. I wasn't there, but if guys often pick you up this way, you're giving off a good time Annie, ONS kind of girl vibe. Again, I'm not there. As to what's wrong with this approach? I'll turn it back on you. How often are you getting to a real date (i.e. spending time out in a public place one-on-one, not just hanging out at someone's house smoking weed and having casual sex) and how often are you getting to an actual relationship when you lead with your drug use hobby? If you want to be seen and treated as relationship material, consider a different tact. Quite frankly, consider a different type of guy! A pothead druggie is still a pothead druggie... High-functioning or not, these are almost always dead-ends for a relationship. 3
Author AsItIs Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Got any drugs? Seriously??? This was his pickup line? LOL! I'm not trying to be mean here, but how can you wonder why he's "playing games" when he leads with this?This is not a pick-up line that leads to anything serious. I wasn't there, but if guys often pick you up this way, you're giving off a good time Annie, ONS kind of girl vibe. Again, I'm not there. As to what's wrong with this approach? I'll turn it back on you. How often are you getting to a real date (i.e. spending time out in a public place one-on-one, not just hanging out at someone's house smoking weed and having casual sex) and how often are you getting to an actual relationship when you lead with your drug use hobby? If you want to be seen and treated as relationship material, consider a different tact. Quite frankly, consider a different type of guy! A pothead druggie is still a pothead druggie... High-functioning or not, these are almost always dead-ends for a relationship. In all honesty...I have actually had a few real relationships(including actual dates & commintment) from weed smoking men.I have only been burned twice & those guys were from online dating.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 If it's working and getting you what you want, then continue... 1
snowflakes88 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Riiight! I know! But what am I supposed to do?The very first words out of his mouth the day we met was"You girls look so comfortable.Got any drugs?" We said"only weed-he said- "I got weed too"Then we talked about him doing shrooms and payote.So it's only natural that we smoke weed together at some point.Btw-I don't understand why everyone thinks it's so bad to smoke it? I am a highly functioning weed smoker with my own business and have alot going for me.He is a highly functioning lawyer that smokes.We have that in common. I'm not judging you at all about smoking weed in general. My point is that EVERY TIME you meet a guy, you set the stage by inviting him to hang out casually and smoke weed. Every time. You rarely even make it out of the house with these guys, which would be fine if you were looking for something casual. But in the end, you wind up being emo because they don't view you as relationship material. What people keep telling you is that you aren't going to find a guy to consider you relationship material so long as you keep selling yourself as the fun-time girl who is content to sit at home, have sex and blow trees. 3
Author AsItIs Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) I texted him 2 1/2 hours after he texted me.He has now been consistently responding right away & we discussed lots of interesting things.Seems like we have a lot in common so far.He just asked me if I'd like to grab a bite to eat tonight & I accepted.We'll see... I'll keep you guys posted. P.S.I WILL NOT GO TO HIS HOUSE! ;-) Edited December 2, 2012 by AsItIs 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 What does your Master think about all of this cavorting? 2
Author AsItIs Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) * Ok here's the update- We met up a nice restaraunt.Had plenty to talk about & had alot of fun.We ate, had 2 drinks & then smoked together in my car afterward.Right before we departed, he had a real nice long, passionate kiss. We kissed for about 20-30 minutes.It was really good & we were both very into it.At one point,he tried to rub my breast though. I pushed his hand away & he stopped but, we continued to kiss.Then looked into each others eyes & told each other, how nice it was & how much we enjoyed each other's company.He kissed my hand & said "until next time AsItIs"..... (here's where it worries me a little) Then he said "Do you wanna come to my house?" I said "No! Who do you think I am?" He said "I know! Just makin sure" We said goodnight & both went our seperate ways.He texted me 30 minutes later,when he got home & said "I had alot of fun with you! Let's do it again sometime soon" I texted back "Thank you.I had a nice time too.That sounds good" So we're definitely going to see each other again but, I guess what I need help from you guys with is... How do I tell him that I don't want to have sex unless we are in a relationship? Or is that simply implied by me dating him & not giving it up for a while? The whole me hitting on him, at a bar thing keeps sticking in the back of my mind.I don't want him to think I'm an easy lay because I am the one who made the first move.I've never done that before. Thank you to everyone.I really appreciate all the advice anyone has to give me. Edited December 3, 2012 by AsItIs
Drseussgrrl Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 You do that by not putting yourself in situations where sex could happen. This means not inviting him to your place or going to his unless you're ready to sex him. Keep your feet firmly on the ground (because he'll want them in the air). Let him take you out. You don't really even have to say anything about "not having sex". The only way you're going to get what you want is to do the opposite of what you've been doing. Which is setting yourself up to be the fun-time girl in every single one of your dating scenarios. I don't judge people for smoking weed as I do it on occasion myself. But I think there's a big difference between being a pothead and enjoying an occasional toke. Frankly, I don't think I could take anyone seriously if that's what I felt they were all about from the get-go. You seem to view it as something you "bond" over. 4
GorillaTheater Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Got any drugs? Seriously??? This was his pickup line? LOL! I have to admit, I've used this as an opener before. It was about the time I got my driver's license. 1
Under The Radar Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 you do that by not putting yourself in situations where sex could happen. This means not inviting him to your place or going to his unless you're ready to sex him. Keep your feet firmly on the ground (because he'll want them in the air). Let him take you out. You don't really even have to say anything about "not having sex". The only way you're going to get what you want is to do the opposite of what you've been doing. Which is setting yourself up to be the fun-time girl in every single one of your dating scenarios. I don't judge people for smoking weed as i do it on occasion myself. But i think there's a big difference between being a pothead and enjoying an occasional toke. Frankly, i don't think i could take anyone seriously if that's what i felt they were all about from the get-go. You seem to view it as something you "bond" over. ^^^^^this^^^^^ 1
Trimmer Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 He just asked me if I'd like to grab a bite to eat tonight & I accepted. My bet is on Doritos and little chocolate donuts... Then he said "Do you wanna come to my house?" I said "No! Who do you think I am?" He said "I know! Just makin sure" Ah yeah, r i i i i i i ght..... "Just making sure," yeah. 1
Author AsItIs Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Thanks again for the advice.I will stay in sex free zones! I had no idea it was that simple! Lol. I don't really know what I'm asking here. Maybe I just need to write this out to get my thoughts together So tonight I just had a wave of sadness come over me. I have been so excited about this new guy since I met him.He seemed like a really good, hard challenge at first.I thought to myself- this is an extremely handsome, single, lawyer, with a good head on his shoulders & I actually didn't sense any severe personality disorder from him.(I sense people's auras) At first... I think I was so attracted to the challenge of it.Him waiting a few hours to text me back. It made me anxious & want him more.(but at the same time as feeling anxious-I also felt at ease-if that makes any sense - because I really feel like he is a trustworthy guy who is not just looking to bone everything that moves) He has been consistently keeping contact since we met on Friday night but, those first few days he would wait a while to reply to my texts. He never really complimented my looks at first so, I guess I was craving his compliment & then today, he texted me in the morning calling me sexy.(I felt satisfied-he gave me what I wanted.)Then I replied with a compliment back at him & said I know you're at work so I'm ending this texting conversation with this & said a funny joke.(that was my way of letting him know I understand that he can't text me immediately or anything cause he is really busy with work)He laughed & said he liked my style.Then said "F*ck work! It drags sometimes" (which I basically interpreted as "Hey-I like texting with you throughout the day-feel free to do it.You got me hooked AsItIs") I gotta tell the truth here.I don't even know what to do.I don't even feel like responding. (It's weird but, sadly...it'll probably make him like me even more.) I feel like I don't even wanna start texting like a mad woman in an instant relationship.I think I lost a tiny bit of interest now that I feel like I got him hooked.I don't know-I think I just feel like when it's too easy, or healthy, it's not as exciting anymore. But.... I'm trying to change my patterns because I need to find a great man & have a family sometime in the near future(I'll be 32 this month)So I think I should ride it out at a sane person's pace & keep going with the flow...taking it slow. I had a really good time with him.We have alot in common.I could see him being a good husband & provider one day.I guess I need to take it really slow with him & accept the fact that when I feel intensive "sparks"those are actually warning signs that I've met "a bird of a feather"(meaning a guy with personality disorder) I'm leaving him hanging on that last text.I guess I just need to some time to think.I will either reply really late or wait for him to text me again,I guess. Does anyone have any thoughts?I'm sorry if I'm rambling.I tried to get the words out but it's a little tough right now.I just realized that this is what I did to my ex.When he was hot & heavy in the begining, I guess I lost interest (my best friend just reminded me the other day, that I told her that about my ex & I don't even remember that.) I just remember cheating on him in the beginning & then when he wanted to dump me for it-I couldn't let him go.I got obsessed when I realized my ex could just leave me that easily
colombiana28 Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 You need to work on yourself before you'll let a good guy in. I had/have the same issues, loving the challenge and then coming up with every excuse under the sun to ditch them when they express sincere interest. When you hate or devalue yourself, you subconsciously think "Oh, he actually LIKES me, there must be something WRONG with them!" and then suddenly they're not so attractive in your eyes anymore. (Not saying you hate yourself, speaking from my own experience...) 3
Author AsItIs Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 You need to work on yourself before you'll let a good guy in. I had/have the same issues, loving the challenge and then coming up with every excuse under the sun to ditch them when they express sincere interest. When you hate or devalue yourself, you subconsciously think "Oh, he actually LIKES me, there must be something WRONG with them!" and then suddenly they're not so attractive in your eyes anymore. (Not saying you hate yourself, speaking from my own experience...) True story Columbiana! I know I feel that way for sure.I just started going to therapy so I'm trying to get to the heart of my issues.Thanks for the reply.
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