SeparateUniverse Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 So i've been with my ldr boyfriend for 2 years He is great,supportive and caring,but...he has that insecurity,and a bit of a controlling streak. It all started way back at the beginning of the relationship He would comment how my friends are a bad influence,how all guys who talk to me are out to get me and all that stuff..at that time,it didn't bother me much,but i lost a whole lot of people. Later on,i began to notice other things,like,his comments on me wearing v necks and saying if i put on a short skirt i will look like a slut,and commenting on how i wear too much makeup(only light powder and eyeliner) and how i'm actually asking for attention and that this was my issue i had to sort out(?) and that he gets me why i do that(?)He won't accept the fact that i do it for myself,or twists it into me doing it for myself because i'm not comfortable with who i am. I've had crazy hair colours like blue,he liked it,but when people started noticing,i guess about then,he asked me to change it.i went to red like he asked,no big deal i'm used to changing hair colour,but i've only kept it for a month because at the time we broke up for a period of month. One of the reasons for the break up was that i was mentioning a male friend and he thought that i had a crush on him... During that time he wanted me to change my eyebrows,put on bangs(never had them,small forehead and all) Nowdays i've been growing my hair to his likeness and going blonde because he asked(not only,i like myself blonde but) He also commented how he didn't like my stretch marks(i used to be overweight)and if i can get rid of them to which i replied the obvious,no. He wants me to gain weight or doesn't mind if i do because "there is more to love",he never struck me as a chubby lover considering his previous gfs were all flat as boards,and i'm 5'6 and 135 lbs and an hourglass figure,which is a perfectly healthy,good looking range which i intend to keep. Also he likes to know where i am,gets angry if i don't contact him when i said i will because my phone died and such other stupid examples.He always tells me to take care of myself,sometimes a little bit too much when i go somewhere and he worries too much about these things. He does all these things in a very subtle matter,as if he isn't saying it out of wish,but concern.. The thing is,i don't want to leave him because i really love him and we're great together.I have all my friends again and everything seems fine,in the past i have taken a stand too.But i want to prevent those things from going overboard. So the question is:how can i make my bf see he can trust me more,and that all of those things are not needed.
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I don't think you can. All those behaviors you describe don't just go away and he isn't all of a sudden going to turn normal due to anything you say or do. Up to you as to whether this is a dealbreaker or not, how is he otherwise? 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Leave him. He is way to controlling. There is no happiness with this boy.
Author SeparateUniverse Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Otherwise he is great,values what i say,encourages me to speak out,good listener,gives really good advice,a bit conservative in love. We have a lot in common,similar opinions and plans in life he's charismatic,intelligent,makes me laugh,exceptional manners,i mean behaves like a gentleman.We never lack topics and we talked non stop every day for straight 5 years.He has no problem with normal levels of public affection(holding hands,kisses here and there,hugs and all) sometimes over the conversation he slips out things like marriage and really long term commitment and corrects himself if i notice,to,not sound serious so to speak(i have no idea why) he is insecure over himself ,that i know,he once even said something like that he knows how i am more intelligent then he is,and that was,a shock... Those things are in the past so to say,nothing too fresh,but he'll still drop something from time to time,but i've just been wondering. Edited December 2, 2012 by SeparateUniverse
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Even a manipulator is great at listening, that way they can manipulate better....he'll not magically wake-up and be better towards you...but follow your heart, no? But I'd take everyones' advice...or you're gonna be a hurt woman.
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 No idea where my post went, maybe didn't hit submit, but if he's really great otherwise, and this behavior doesn't grow or get more obnoxious, just stay the course. Would put a foot down on the constant clothing and makeup comments at the very least though. Good luck.
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