me1234 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) there is a girl a work who i like. thought there were signals she may be interested too. glances/stares. we talk @ work and sometimes go out in small groups for lunch. lots of smiles and eye contact. she always laughs at my attempts at jokes and sarcasm. one time at a work dinner she looked across the table right into my eyes, stared for like 5 seconds, then let out a big smile. so, i got bold and invited her to 2 happy hrs this week (mon and thurs) w/ a few coworkers. surprisingly, she went both times, and we had a lot of fun. one of the nights, she offered to stay at the bar w/ me after everyone left while i finished a drink, and we talked for an hour on our own. upon leaving, i offered her my #, b/c i knew she was having car troubles. she called me on the spot to essentially give me her number as well. all good signs, i thought. however, one potentially complicating factor to note (that will come back up) is i found out during our convos that she very recently got out of a serious relationship where she lived w/ a guy for a few yrs. anyway, here's where things go downhill.... last night (friday) we left work at the same time and talked on the way out. she indicated she was rallying and felt better from her hangover and kind of hinted she was open to going to happy hr drinks again right then - but i was a moron and didnt offer to go. So, on my drive back i regretted not offering and thought i should text her about those drinks. this was the first cell phone contact we had. at first she seemed very interested and was picking possible areas to meet, responding quickly, etc. Then there was a 45 min gap. The next txt she said her mom called and she got stuck on the phone but she'd still go for "one or two". A later text changed to "lets wait til next week i guess". So at that point i made a pathetic attempt to be witty (we joke around a lot) and responded, "a polite rejection, i can respect that. enjoy your w/e". My terrible joke attempt was referring to her ultimately not going to (and rejecting) happy hr drinks that night. However, she responded "dont take it personal. not looking for anything right now...too soon". So, she interpreted my horrendous joke to mean something other than what i intended, and responded about (not) dating. I never referenced dating or interest in her or anything like that in the texts, or in person, ever. So I don't know what prompted her to throw that out there. Although maybe my text was ambiguous. Or maybe she had an idea of my feelings, even though i never verbalized it...? i did respond back trying to soften the situation and explaining i was just talking about casual happy hr drinks and nothing crazy or involved. Nothing we hadn't done before. sorry if i wasn't clear, sorry if my lack of clarity would make work awkward. she responded back "lol no not at all, thanks see ya monday" so, here i am, and I think i may have screwed things up. I fear she may have been enjoying getting to know me and wanted to continue to spend time and talk more to me in non-pressure situations. but when i broke the text barrier and reached out to her outside of work, it suddenly put pressure on her and caused her to retreat. also, i'm sure her just getting out of a LT serious relationship makes things complicated. however, on the other hand, maybe i totally misread the situation and she was never interested at all. so i guess my unanswered questions are: 1. why was she flirty/receptive with her first texts about meeting up for happy hr last night? and then why did it go downhill after her the text gap/phone call? is it possible she was indeed interested, but during that 45 min txt gap, she maybe talked to a friend (and not her mom) for advice and got advised not to get back into anything too quickly? or was she just being nice? my confusion is: if she really didnt want to go, her first text back could have been "hey too tired but some other time!". instead, she was basically making plans. 2. did i really screw this up, or was this the inevitable outcome? if i had just kept playing it cool and hanging out w/ her in non-pressure situations and happy hrs in groups and alone, would i have had better results? or is it irrelevant and it would have ended up this way anyway? 3. does the fact that she just got out of a LT relationship really make her not want to look for anything, as she said? or was that just a nice way of letting me down? or is it that maybe she's possibly interested but she's just too confused/overwhelmed right now? 4. what should i do from here? should i let it be and ignore her (other than saying "hi")? or should i wait to see if she puts out signs she wants to get to know me more outside of work (very unlikely!)? i guess i should do my best to forget about this and move on. it's just confusing b/c of the signals i thought i was receiving (but likely wasn't). but, i'll take what she said at her word as truth. it's not like she mentioned anything about being open to something down the road. her response was clear and not open-ended. anyway, appreciate any thoughts, thanks and sorry for the long rant. Edited December 2, 2012 by me1234
ja123 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 1. She was probaby tired. Or, after thinking about it for a bit, thought that going out with you alone, was maybe too much too soon. 2. No - except that you didn't strike when the iron was hot and take her up at her first inclination of going out for drinks. 3. Yes - you'll be her rebound. 4. Play chill as though nothing happened. Invite her with your group of co-workers next week. If you really want something with her, then there are two major drawbacks: she's your co-worker, and she's just out of an LTR. If you're looking for a long-term GF that you can build something with, then it's probably not going to be her. Cultivate your other options. 1
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