dyzfunctioned Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Don't know who's all been following my posts over the past few weeks, but I'll keep the summary brief anyway. Sorry for the wall of text. I'm hurt, confused, shocked, angry, depressed, sad, heartbroken... but underneath of it all, however slight, there's actually a small sense of relief. At least I think that's what it is... or maybe it's just nausea (very well could be). So we dated for 2.5 years. It was amazing. We had issues like anyone but we were moving in together in a month, had just spent 2 months backpacking europe together, had talked about marriage in the future, etc. She had a friend who admitted his feelings for her and tried to get her to leave me for him. She shut him down but kept being friends with him but I didn't think about it too much - I was uncomfortable but I trusted her and as long as it was one way I didn't want to make a huge deal of it. Fast forward about a month later and she breaks up with me out of the blue saying this guy made her realize something was missing and that she wasn't sure we were going to work. That she needed to figure out how to be alone and that even though this guy made her feel this way she had no intention of getting with him or anything like that. We meet up that weekend to talk, have an amazing talk about all our issues, hook up, etc. basically agree we're getting back together but to take a few days to think. Two days later get a phone call saying her gut tells her we should break up and she loves me and she proceeds to call my friend telling her what happened and to take care of me. Over the next few weeks we talk a few times, always saying how much we miss eachother, how she thinks about getting back together every day but that she thinks this could be for the best. I realize a lot of my insecurities and stuff so while I miss her I can't really complain about the time apart (even though all I wanted was her back) because it lead to some self discovery. Fast forward to today... We met up to talk and for me to pick up my stuff. During this ~3 week span I never really gave up on the idea of us getting back together and didn't think she had either. We talk a bit, goes well. I ask her if she would consider not getting back together, but just going on a date in a week. I tell her I don't want her to think about it I just want a gut answer right now. She answers with an immediate resounding yes, but then follows it up with "I need to tell you something first." She proceeds to tell me that she slept with the other guy a few days ago and he asked her out. Now that ****ing hurt to hear... I freak out/process it for a few minutes. We had intimacy issues so on some level I guess I understand. The thing that really hurts though is knowing that at some point she gave up on us while I was still hanging on. She never gave up on us in the past, even when I had. So after a bit she's like "does that change things?" And I think for a bit and I say you know what, the offer is still on the table. But I need to know you're committed to making things work with me, this other guy needs to get out of your life and that's it. I need to know that you want this to work otherwise it's pointless. She says she wants things to work with us more than anything but is afraid we'll have the same issues and break up again and then she'll lose all her friends (all her friends are friends with this guy too) and I was like yea, but that's the only way this can work. She asks if she can take an hour to think about it and I'm like I want an answer ASAP but whatever and I grab my stuff and leave. 15 minutes later I text her saying something along the lines of: "I tried everything to make this work and was even wiling to overlook the fact you slept with someone else if you were willing to commit everything to us. But you're still scared we won't work and you gave up on us after everything we've been through. You can't pick me over everything else without having doubts and if you can't do this without feeling strongly about this part of you is always going to be held back and this will never work out. All I asked for was a commitment to focusing on us above all else and apparently that's too hard of a decision for you. I'm going to delete you off facebook - it's nothing personal but if I see a picture of you and that guy I'm going to absolutely flip. Thanks for the memories." She never replied. I proceeded to delete her off facebook... will probably delete her from my phone later tonight. Not that either help - her profile is public so I can still see everything on it and I know her number by heart. I'm still in shock that she would give up on us and that she would sleep with another guy. I mean we almost broke up 3 times before and she always fought to make things work - I even kept the note she left me from the last time which said "I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking I'm 100% dedicated to making us work and will do anything to keep us together." The fact we always fought so hard for each other was one of the reasons it was so hard to let go - we had always made it work before and this time she just gave up. I'm a ****ing wreck right now. But for the first time in 3 weeks I've got closure and a shred of self respect for not getting dragged along anymore. I don't know where to go right now. I feel like I'm in a state of shock, anger and extreme stress. I almost feel a sense of relief but I'm sure that will change to desperation and loneliness as soon as bed time comes. This relationship has left me with a ton of personal insecurities to boot which I have no idea how to overcome and I'm worried I'll carry with me into the future. How do I work on addressing these and becoming trusting again? Sorry for the long post. Could really use a friend or some encouraging words right now. TL;DR: Girlfriend dumped me because other guy made her feel like something missing. Almost got back together. I kept hope of reconcilliation and she agreed to go on a date with me but then dropped the bomb that she slept with someone. Asked her to commit to me and her lack of quick response made me decide to say **** it. Edited December 2, 2012 by dyzfunctioned
denxnis Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Buddy, I am going through the SAME EXACT THING. My ex threatened to kill herself about 2 months ago when I said we should break up. Now she is in lala land with one of her coworkers. Take my advice as well as the advice many other people will give you in a few minutes/hours. NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. Unless you hear the words, "I made a big mistake" I would not respond at all. Do not respond to "I miss you", "I love you" blah blah. Everyone told me to do NC and it will make things better, I caved in many times and now am back at square one.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Buddy, I am going through the SAME EXACT THING. My ex threatened to kill herself about 2 months ago when I said we should break up. Now she is in lala land with one of her coworkers. Take my advice as well as the advice many other people will give you in a few minutes/hours. NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. Unless you hear the words, "I made a big mistake" I would not respond at all. Do not respond to "I miss you", "I love you" blah blah. Everyone told me to do NC and it will make things better, I caved in many times and now am back at square one. I'm sorry to hear that man, that's rough. Seriously, how do people treat the people they love like this? Like I dumped a girl once because I wasn't that into her and even then I didn't text her and I pretty much didn't date for 6 months out of respect. For the first time I feel like I have closure and I'm done fighting for this girl. Hopefully I can truly start healing now.
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