JDD343 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 According to the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” when a guy stops calling, he’s not interested, no exceptions. But what if he stopped calling after some miscommunication that took place? Does that mean I should not call him to figure out what the problem is? I’m scared because I think there was a problem, but according to the book, he simply lost interest, and I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t to sound clingy. I just feel powerless. I’d really like confront him to clear the air, but the book says you should never make contact with a guy no matter what. To me that doesn’t make sense, but why would the book be so popular if it does not hold some degree of truth?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 According to the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” when a guy stops calling, he’s not interested, no exceptions. But what if he stopped calling after some miscommunication that took place? Does that mean I should not call him to figure out what the problem is? I’m scared because I think there was a problem, but according to the book, he simply lost interest, and I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t to sound clingy. I just feel powerless. I’d really like confront him to clear the air, but the book says you should never make contact with a guy no matter what. To me that doesn’t make sense, but why would the book be so popular if it does not hold some degree of truth? IMO , it's true -- if he is interested, a simple miscommunication/issue would not turn him off to the point where he doesn't want to talk to you again. Usually, even when I see a "red flag", I give someone a second chance, to make sure that I did not misread it, etc. If I'm interested in him to begin with, that is.. Could be that he wasn't that interested in you to begin with, and used that as an opportunity to high-tail it out of there. Who knows. But I wouldn't contact him if he just disappeared on me. And if he contacts me after more than 2-3 days of silence, he's already scratched off my list and I wouldn't reply to his texts / answer his calls. That said , if you want to contact him so that you will not keep on wondering "what if I had contacted him", do it -- but know that even if he does "come back" after you contact him , it will set a pattern where he constantly does that any time he doesn't get his way or doesn't like your behaviour.
Under The Radar Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 My suggestion would be not to contact him. I truly believe, if he is interested, he will reach out to you regardless of any "misunderstanding". If you don't hear from him in the next week move on.
stillafool Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 If he were truly interested he would get in touch with you about any miscommunication he thought you had. Leave him be if he's interested he will contact you.
threebyfate Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 What kind of guy or relationship do you want? A guy who's unafraid to go get what he wants or one that's a little more to very passive? If you want the former, let him come to you. If you want the latter, initiate contact first. Never, ever, fear loss.
Author JDD343 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 He just not that into you That's what I assumed the last time, and we broke up due to the miscommunication.
jcrew11 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I can't give you a good answer if I don't know what the "miscommunication" was and how long your relationship has been going on. Did he think you were not interested or was cheating on him with other men? Does he find you attractive? Is he pursuing other women with online dating or elsewhere? If you "rejected him" and have changed your mind, then you should be the one to contact him. If the relationship is worth saving, or you like him then you should contact him after 5-7 days. That will be enough time to cool off after an argument.
NYC-BigKat Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 According to the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” when a guy stops calling, he’s not interested, no exceptions. But what if he stopped calling after some miscommunication that took place? Does that mean I should not call him to figure out what the problem is? I’m scared because I think there was a problem, but according to the book, he simply lost interest, and I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t to sound clingy. I just feel powerless. I’d really like confront him to clear the air, but the book says you should never make contact with a guy no matter what. To me that doesn’t make sense, but why would the book be so popular if it does not hold some degree of truth? Uh..saw this at the movies when it first came out & it was kinda okay but it was kinda fake too 'cause girls dont usually go so crazy over guys like that unless they do it when we dont know they do it?
Author JDD343 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 My suggestion would be not to contact him. I truly believe, if he is interested, he will reach out to you regardless of any "misunderstanding". If you don't hear from him in the next week move on. That's what I did the last time, and he was actually relying on me to come foward. I didn’t because everyone said the silence meant he wasn’t interested. I wanted to adhere to that book and what people were saying, so I didn't contact him. Turns out he was really interested all along, and I still wonder what would have happened had I not read that book.
todreaminblue Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Its not about the book......I haven't read the book and i fell asleep during the movie of the same name....In my opinion if someone really likes you and you were the last one to initiate contact they will contact you and reply....if they don't, it shows total lack of interest, even if a guy wasn't that into you, a reply is common courtesy most nice guys passive or not would reply.....especially if you were friends........maybe i am old fashioned that way.....i have only not replied to guys when i have been messed up but when i am thinking straight and clear....i reply.....a passive guy or a go get it now guy still both could reply to people they consider friends.......if they don't....it is a tell....in my opinion...its a dont contact me i am not interested in communicating with you..i would leave it .......i hope that he does contact you....best wishes.....deb
aussietigerwolf Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I agree, when my boyfriend and I had a miscommunication he was quick to sort it out with me. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 According to the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” when a guy stops calling, he’s not interested, no exceptions. To me that doesn’t make sense, but why would the book be so popular if it does not hold some degree of truth? Rant: I hate this book & movie, because of the fact so many women think it's some kind of damn dating guideline. The book was written by two comedians, so I have no damn idea why it's classified as a self help book. I mean honestly if i get injured playing a sport I'd talk with a doctor, not the local tv stations sports anchor. A guy can not call for any number of reasons, some of which include: 1. being busy 2. not being interested 3. thinking your not interested 4. not know what to say 5. etc etc If you wan't to know whats going on, call the guy. Relationships are not about control, they are about working stuff out. Since no two people are alike, no two relationships are alike. Thus step by step directions, and lists of stuff not to do are retarded wastes of time and energy. Rant over, time to breathe....... 7
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 This whole notion that guys are so busy that they can't pick up the phone to send a text or make a 2-minute phone call, is , quite frankly, BULLSH*T. Also, thinking you're not interested : unless the girl is totally socially awkward and can't send ANY signals during their time together, that is not even remotely possible. 2
jcrew11 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 That's what I did the last time, and he was actually relying on me to come foward. I didn’t because everyone said the silence meant he wasn’t interested. I wanted to adhere to that book and what people were saying, so I didn't contact him. Turns out he was really interested all along, and I still wonder what would have happened had I not read that book. I think we need to really know your age and city? The book is only useful if the "girl is coming on too strong" and "scaring guys away." If you are a generally passive and nice girl who is not "overtly Needy" there is no reason not to call every other day. I don't really understand why you are resorting to the book, if you can't seem to figure out how to talk to a man based on past experiences. It also depends on your looks, if you are an "average looking girl who is slightly chubby and butter face" then you should be more aggressive in calling guys, because there won't be many who are calling you. The book is specifically for "NYC women" who are trying to date "wealthy single wall street bankers with women on every arm." If a guy says "he's too busy to see you" and "don't call him, he'll call you" - then that is code word for stop bother me, I don't want you as a girlfriend. Think of dating as a tennis game. He calls you, You call him, He calls you, You call him. The key is to not call him too much repeatedly, and become annoying and needy. Besides, if you live in this century, just send him a facebook message to find out what he is feeling.
jcrew11 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 This whole notion that guys are so busy that they can't pick up the phone to send a text or make a 2-minute phone call, is , quite frankly, BULLSH*T. Also, thinking you're not interested : unless the girl is totally socially awkward and can't send ANY signals during their time together, that is not even remotely possible. Some guys just have their own lives, and want to be single and unattached from responding to a woman's needs. A woman has a right to reject any man who doesn't meet her needs and doesn't have time to communicate with her. The key is to find 2 lives who can fit together. Some men just don't want to make time for relationships. We live in a very indepedent world where it is no longer necessary to have a wife or husband. 1
Author JDD343 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 If a man doesn’t call you because he’s busy, guess what, he’s busy. Guys are natural problem solvers and like to take care of things. So if he was calling me when he was busy, I would actually start to question his masculinity. Frankly, I don’t want a man to call me and ask me how my day was. As a woman, I feel that's more or less my job. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Some guys just have their own lives, and want to be single and unattached from responding to a woman's needs. A woman has a right to reject any man who doesn't meet her needs and doesn't have time to communicate with her. The key is to find 2 lives who can fit together. Some men just don't want to make time for relationships. We live in a very indepedent world where it is no longer necessary to have a wife or husband. Sure -- I don't disagree. That's what I'm saying : let's not attribute some men's lack of interest to them being so busy that they can't pick up the phone and call / text her. That's all I'm saying. 1
GirlontheLam Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 If a man doesn’t call you because he’s busy, guess what, he’s busy. Guys are natural problem solvers and like to take care of things. So if he was calling me when he was busy, I would actually start to question his masculinity. Frankly, I don’t want a man to call me and ask me how my day was. As a woman, I feel that's more or less my job. All I have to say is wow! 2
Tara247 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Don't contact him. If he cares, he will contact you. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Sorry ladies, I think you are all wrong, given some context.... I'm 33 years old, I've dated, and had more relationships than I really wanted. I have a good job, hobbies, and an active social life. I'm out and about 2 to 5 times a week. If I'm starting to date someone, I sacrifice some of my social interactions so I can go on dates etc. If I've been on several dates with you, and your not showing any interest in me between dates you're in trouble. If your not showing any interest in me or my life between dates, then I don't care how perfect you are for me, I'm walking away. Virtually every guy I know that's not desperate for dates/relationships is the same way. A perfect would be a woman I dated last summer. We had been on 7 or 8 dates over about a month. She showed all the signs of being interested while we where on the dates. She'd was inquisitive, flirtatious, and affectionate right up to the last date. After a couple dates, I noticed between dates, I did all the contacting. She would always respond to texts and FB messages within an hour or so and they usually led to brief conversations. If I called to set up the next date, we would talk for a little while but nothing significant. By date 5 or 6 I started cutting back, on my contact, and I think between dates 7 & 8 I didn't contact her at all. My stance is this, I'll cut you some slack on the first couple dates. However if I don't see some signs of mutual interest after that you are going to get dropped. You're either to nervous, to shy (and I'm a shy person so i know), to insecure, not interested, playing games, or a serial flirt. All of these are deal breakers as far as I'm concerned. 1
aussietigerwolf Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 If a man doesn’t call you because he’s busy, guess what, he’s busy. Guys are natural problem solvers and like to take care of things. So if he was calling me when he was busy, I would actually start to question his masculinity. Frankly, I don’t want a man to call me and ask me how my day was. As a woman, I feel that's more or less my job. Really... I thought that asking how your day was, was a sign the person cared about you. 3
phineas Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) What exactly was this mis- communication about? Did you do something & are now trying to convince yourself it was just "one of those things" and not taking responsibility for your actions? Did you flake? Did you insult him? Did you change plans & not reschedule? Were you caught being dishonest? Acting shady? disrespectful? Insecure? play games? Did he ask you when you were free & you waited a day then said "good morning" or "hay you" or something equally retarded when you finally responded? These are all things that will prompt me to freeze a woman out until she contacts me & apologizes & tells me it won't happen again. sorry, but I won't be in a relationship with a woman who behaves poorly. That is if you behaved poorly. Edited December 2, 2012 by phineas
Divasu Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Forget about rules -- Many relationships are derailed as a result of miscommunication.You should make an attempt to clear the air (unless the guy cheated, hit you or did something terrible). What is preventing you from doing so, is a combination of pride and fear. If he refuses to talk, ignoring you after you've tried to reach out, well not much you can do at that point.
syw0806 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 IMO , it's true -- if he is interested, a simple miscommunication/issue would not turn him off to the point where he doesn't want to talk to you again. Usually, even when I see a "red flag", I give someone a second chance, to make sure that I did not misread it, etc. If I'm interested in him to begin with, that is.. Could be that he wasn't that interested in you to begin with, and used that as an opportunity to high-tail it out of there. Who knows. But I wouldn't contact him if he just disappeared on me. And if he contacts me after more than 2-3 days of silence, he's already scratched off my list and I wouldn't reply to his texts / answer his calls. That said , if you want to contact him so that you will not keep on wondering "what if I had contacted him", do it -- but know that even if he does "come back" after you contact him , it will set a pattern where he constantly does that any time he doesn't get his way or doesn't like your behaviour. Totally agree. If he liked you enough, he would have given you second chance. My experience, I met this guy, the first date was beyond great lol He even told me he didn't realize how time went while we spent almost 10hrs together. then on the second date, I just screwed everything up. He asked me out all of sudden, so he couldn't blame full on me lol but I was mad tired.. I didn't talk much, I was just sitting there listening whatever he was saying, I even forgot when our first date was(it was only a week ago..I know crazy), he wanted to stay longer play some arcades but I insisted to leave, he suggested a ride to beach but I declined, he told me I've been checking on the phone every minute..(I was checking time bc of the work) he even asked me what question he was asking to see if im with him ...lol now listing all these, i was a total bitch,, wow. I was really out of mind..lol well my situation, I texted him that night apologized and wrote the lame execuses lol but mentioned it was great to see him and thanked him. (I felt if I didn't initiate any, he would assume I wasn't interested.. plus even he was turned off, I figured I'll just give a try.) He texted back saying he thanks me for the wonderful dinner, great company,, he understands and not a big deal to worry about. I thought he was going to cut me completely.. I mean look what I did..lol If that was the first date, I'm sure he wouldn't bother thinking about me at all..haha Bottomline, if he likes you enough, he will def. give you a second chance, because he likes you, respects you, and doesn't want to loose you. You can send him a text though.. who knows what's on his mind unless u try it. If you don't hear from him, you know you deserve better.
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