DollWelch Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I have an upcoming date, later on this month, with someone from out of town. He and I have been talking about expectations, wants and feelings. During the conversation, he mentioned that he is going into this with no expectations. I was a little taken by surprise by the comment, mainly because of the kind of person he is, the mutual feelings we have towards each other and the obvious attraction (his words). What does a man mean by no expectations? I am unsure how to take this. Does this mean, go with the flow and see how things turn out by the end of the date? Considering he is from out of town, does dinner and/or drinks work best? And then we each go our separate ways? I want to make sure that we both have a good time. Besides, I'm not even confident in the fact that he will show up. Even though he admits that he does want to see me (without a doubt), he may bail out!
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I have an upcoming date, later on this month, with someone from out of town. He and I have been talking about expectations, wants and feelings. During the conversation, he mentioned that he is going into this with no expectations. I was a little taken by surprise by the comment, mainly because of the kind of person he is, the mutual feelings we have towards each other and the obvious attraction (his words). What does a man mean by no expectations? I am unsure how to take this. Does this mean, go with the flow and see how things turn out by the end of the date? Considering he is from out of town, does dinner and/or drinks work best? And then we each go our separate ways? I want to make sure that we both have a good time. Besides, I'm not even confident in the fact that he will show up. Even though he admits that he does want to see me (without a doubt), he may bail out! Just giving himself an escape route and not committing to anything before he knows for sure what he's dealing with. Also it could be an early sign that he's not looking for anything serious, therefore he can just have fun and answer questions later...which is fair because you have as much control over that as he does as long as you're aware that if things go well and you end up sleeping together or something that it doesn't mean this is going to go anywhere, it may or may not. I would just go with the flow in terms of the date itself, have something in mind of course of what you're going to do but if you really like each other and all that jazz I'm sure you'll figure it out with other things to do. So yeah, dinner and some drinks or what not is a good start and well if it's in the evening then there's only an obvious option afterwards. I wouldn't worry so much about trying to have a good time, see how you like each other and get along first, rely on chemistry then see what spark you feel because that's what matters and you can't control it. I'm not sure why you're on the fence about him coming to see you, that definitely sounds wishy washy, especially combined with the no expectations it doesn't sound like he's all that invested if he can't even commit to seeing you and you're worried about him bailing...the wants and feelings thing now seem a bit silly to even talk about in that regard.
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 This is why lots of contact before meeting is a bad idea, so many types of misunderstandings possible. He could be talking about sex, love, whatever, who knows? He could even be thinking he's letting -you- off the hook somehow, and the fact that you are both engaging in this talk before meeting, together with letting feelings grow before meeting, is something to consider avoiding in the future.
Author DollWelch Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 I'm not sure why you're on the fence about him coming to see you, that definitely sounds wishy washy, especially combined with the no expectations it doesn't sound like he's all that invested if he can't even commit to seeing you and you're worried about him bailing...the wants and feelings thing now seem a bit silly to even talk about in that regard. He was the one that brought it up, actually. Apparently, he was serious about coming out to see me and brought it up during one of our conversations not too long ago. I don't understand where you're going with this. At this point, though, communication seems to have dwindled. Lately, he has been quite busy, which might explain why it takes him days to respond to my messages -but I am busy as well, but I make time. During the last conversation, I said something along the lines of 'I won't bother you, when ever you're free shoot me a message'. But of course, he didn't respond to that comment and carried on with his line of thinking. Side note: Every time I don't hear from him, or he doesn't from me, I assume he's lost interest -and he assumes the same. I know this, because it was discussed before. Is this normal? So, I definitely won't be initiating contact anymore. I'll let him come to me? If not, then I have my answer?
GirlontheLam Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Well to me, no expectations means. Have an enjoyable outing and see where it goes. It may lead to more date. It may lead to a kiss. Or it may lead to the beginning of a new friendship. Starting with no goal, let's you see how things unfold with no pressure, other than to have fun.
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