Teefer Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 My ex dumped me 3 months ago, after a 10 month relationship because she says i wasn't available enough for her and she has been going through some tough times at work and i happened to be away at those times (i had family commitments that i had to attend to). So she moved on with another guy immediately. As expected, her move took me by complete surprise (just three days prior her moving on with the "rebound", we were chatting normally and she even said how much she misses me and wants me) Suffice to say, i didn't take it very well. This being my first breakup ,and her being my first true love, i went into the classic begging/pleading/clinging mode. And the outcome was as expected: her backing off and avoiding me, and myself becoming more depressed and desperate. About 2 months ago i decided that i have to start NC, and i cut all communication aside from essential business communication (We work together ) And a week into NC ,she calls me and tells me "I miss you". My heart jumps inadvertently, but i stay calm and tell her that i miss her too with a casual tone. She decides that she wants to work on a few common projects together and starts asking to show up more often in my office so that we could get them done on time. Now as much as i wanted to, I couldn't excuse myself from those encounters as they were work related projects and it would be unprofessional to postpone them, so we end up seeing each other on several occasions the next couple of weeks. which was extremely hard on me since i didn't open up any conversations aside from work, and you could almost cut the tension with a knife.from the little talk we did,she reassured that she was happy with the new guy and she wants me as a close friend, to which i politely refuse as i know that i want her as more than a friend right now. As soon as we finish the projects we worked on together i go back to strict NC. Again a week later she sends me a message : I miss you. to which i don't reply. I am progressing quite well as a result of NC, i was a mess in the beginning but now i am starting gain control over my emotions, and she's very slowly escaping my thoughts. I am just curious if her behavior is indicative of perhaps an inner struggle she is going through (that she hasn't really moved on from me,possibly considering coming back) , or is this typical dumper behavior in trying to keep me as a fallback in case what she has right now doesn't work?
movingon12 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 My ex dumped me 3 months ago, after a 10 month relationship because she says i wasn't available enough for her and she has been going through some tough times at work and i happened to be away at those times (i had family commitments that i had to attend to). So she moved on with another guy immediately. As expected, her move took me by complete surprise (just three days prior her moving on with the "rebound", we were chatting normally and she even said how much she misses me and wants me) Suffice to say, i didn't take it very well. This being my first breakup ,and her being my first true love, i went into the classic begging/pleading/clinging mode. And the outcome was as expected: her backing off and avoiding me, and myself becoming more depressed and desperate. About 2 months ago i decided that i have to start NC, and i cut all communication aside from essential business communication (We work together ) And a week into NC ,she calls me and tells me "I miss you". My heart jumps inadvertently, but i stay calm and tell her that i miss her too with a casual tone. She decides that she wants to work on a few common projects together and starts asking to show up more often in my office so that we could get them done on time. Now as much as i wanted to, I couldn't excuse myself from those encounters as they were work related projects and it would be unprofessional to postpone them, so we end up seeing each other on several occasions the next couple of weeks. which was extremely hard on me since i didn't open up any conversations aside from work, and you could almost cut the tension with a knife.from the little talk we did,she reassured that she was happy with the new guy and she wants me as a close friend, to which i politely refuse as i know that i want her as more than a friend right now. As soon as we finish the projects we worked on together i go back to strict NC. Again a week later she sends me a message : I miss you. to which i don't reply. I am progressing quite well as a result of NC, i was a mess in the beginning but now i am starting gain control over my emotions, and she's very slowly escaping my thoughts. I am just curious if her behavior is indicative of perhaps an inner struggle she is going through (that she hasn't really moved on from me,possibly considering coming back) , or is this typical dumper behavior in trying to keep me as a fallback in case what she has right now doesn't work? She's already given you the answer. She wants to date her boyfriend and have you as a friend. If you haven't actually done anything particularly awful to her, it's natural that she would still have affectionate feelings towards you - though evidently these are now platonic. It's very tempting when you break up with someone to want to keep them in your life, but in a different way. But that's very rarely helpful for the person that's been rejected. Stay NC.
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