iris219 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 But I can't get excited about it. I had a personal goal to get a date by the end of the year and I made it with 30 days to spare, but I feel like he's putting in little effort, which is often a problem with the men I meet: 1. He never called, only communicated via FB and texts. 2. He was passive about suggesting a specific place, but eventually suggested we go somewhere on his side of town (which is actually another town) which is far from me and there is less to do in that area. I'm meeting him at his house. 3. He wanted me to suggest a place, but I don't know that area, so I said he'd have to pick it. He texted back and said we'll figure it out when we get there. Get where? 4. He said if we couldn't find anything fun to do, we could go back to his house and watch a movie. Yeah, right. That's not happening. Am I wrong to feel annoyed? Am I being too hard on the guy? Should I just be happy I got a date, finally?
dasein Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 No you aren't wrong to be annoyed, he sounds real slack. Good luck on the date though.
FitChick Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 You technically got a date so now you don't have to go on it. Sounds like a waste of time, frankly. Never go to a stranger's house unless you plan to have sex. 2
rocketman122 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 But I can't get excited about it. I had a personal goal to get a date by the end of the year and I made it with 30 days to spare, but I feel like he's putting in little effort, which is often a problem with the men I meet: 1. He never called, only communicated via FB and texts. 2. He was passive about suggesting a specific place, but eventually suggested we go somewhere on his side of town (which is actually another town) which is far from me and there is less to do in that area. I'm meeting him at his house. 3. He wanted me to suggest a place, but I don't know that area, so I said he'd have to pick it. He texted back and said we'll figure it out when we get there. Get where? 4. He said if we couldn't find anything fun to do, we could go back to his house and watch a movie. Yeah, right. That's not happening. Am I wrong to feel annoyed? Am I being too hard on the guy? Should I just be happy I got a date, finally? no, if he's not excited from the beginning then what later? he sounds way too passive and a wimp for not taking initiative.
Author iris219 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 No you aren't wrong to be annoyed, he sounds real slack. Good luck on the date though. Thanks. I'm not even washing my hair for the date. You technically got a date so now you don't have to go on it. Sounds like a waste of time, frankly. Never go to a stranger's house unless you plan to have sex. It's tonight, so too late to cancel. no, if he's not excited from the beginning then what later? he sounds way too passive and a wimp for not taking initiative. Why would he bother to ask me out if he wasn't excited?
Author iris219 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 So TC, how are you enjoying the view from the average males side of dating? The average male is doing MUCH better than I am. 2
rocketman122 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Why would he bother to ask me out if he wasn't excited? no, youre right. I apologize. he sounds very excited to go on the date. if this is excited, whats passive. lets go back to my place and watch a movie.. thats why. wake up. 1
Author iris219 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Why would he bother to ask me out if he wasn't excited? no, youre right. I apologize. he sounds very excited to go on the date. if this is excited, whats passive. lets go back to my place and watch a movie.. thats why. wake up. Well he's going to be disappointed. I'm thinking of ditching him early and hanging out with a friend who lives in the same city.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 You know...you should probably show up naked, then tackle him to the ground, pull his pants off and put his penis inside you. You know, after all let's not make this guy put in too much effort he's already bending over backwards for you. ::slams head on keyboard:: 2
Author iris219 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 You know...you should probably show up naked, then tackle him to the ground, pull his pants off and put his penis inside you. You know, after all let's not make this guy put in too much effort he's already bending over backwards for you. ::slams head on keyboard:: At least it's something to do. It's a couple of hours and a drink or two. Maybe I'll make a new friend or maybe he has single friends I could meet sometime. I know you're being sarcastic, but I haven't had sex in years because I won't do so outside of a committed relationship. Just wanted you to know early sex is an impossibility with anyone, regardless of effort made.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 At least it's something to do. It's a couple of hours and a drink or two. Maybe I'll make a new friend or maybe he has single friends I could meet sometime. I know you're being sarcastic, but I haven't had sex in years because I won't do so outside of a committed relationship. Just wanted you to know early sex is an impossibility with anyone, regardless of effort made. Look, it's not even the sex I'm worried about...that's your thing, you already know well enough what kind of situation you are potential getting yourself into going into your house. I just can't understand how you would think you're being too hard on the guy or wrong for being annoyed....that's like someone pouring gasoline over my body and lighting me on fire then asking "is it ok that I'm hot?"...I mean c'mon iris, I think you're the same iris that's around these forums and you should know the answer to these questions. It's clear and obvious that he's not putting in a shred of effort, and why aren't you making him come into your town, why didn't you tell him to come down to your neighborhood because that would be appropriate for a first date instead of send a woman driving to another town? I mean, you could say anything, have some expectations, make some demands, just don't be a complete pushover, this guys already acting like a semi-interested super lazy boyfriend that doesn't want to go out anymore and you're just like woohoo i got a date...and this guy sounds like the kind of good friend material? Look, I'm not trying to rain on your parade here, I'm just baffled by the reason some women need to ask the most damned questions that are so completely obvious, how could you even read it and be like...hmm I wonder If I'm being reasonable, it worries me the sense that you have and what other kind of judgment you would use if you're already this clueless with something so in your face and obvious. Go down there, try and have a good time, enjoy yourself if you can but don't sell your soul to the devil just because you want a date and this guy is the best thing you've got going on right now...maybe you've got it pretty rough, but damn, I can't understand how men can be so pathetic sometimes either that women set the level of expectations so damn low, it's just mind-boggling sometimes (ok fine, most of the time!) how people are in general. 2
DC4 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Go in with low expectations. Worst case scenario, you won't be disappointed. Best case, you might have a good time. Just go and see what happens! and I mean on an actual date, not to his damn house.
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 This guy is slack, but certainly not Charles Manson. Lots of OLD type dates start in this fashion, no need to go into them with an overwhelmingly negative expectation or try to paint this guy as some kind of user merely because his date setting technique needs polish. Let's save the tar and feathers until we hear juicy details of exactly why he deserves them 1
pbjbear Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I dont blame you being annoyed. Are you sure you want to go through with it? Good for you for setting a goal to date but really if you date people that have low interest in the beginning they wont have high interest later and you will feel negative. I would try to go for people that have a higher amount of interest but I get that dates are hard to come by. If you want to go on this date make sure you view it as a way to pass time and nothing more. Do not get your hopes up. Dont go to his house. It will lead to physical interaction and he will get passive aggressive (most likely) if it doesnt happen. Maybe thats me being negative about men but I have found that to always be true.
rocketman122 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 women make online dating impossible because of their outrageous demands. absolutely right. and they have nothing much to offer.
Author iris219 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Look, it's not even the sex I'm worried about...that's your thing, you already know well enough what kind of situation you are potential getting yourself into going into your house. I just can't understand how you would think you're being too hard on the guy or wrong for being annoyed....that's like someone pouring gasoline over my body and lighting me on fire then asking "is it ok that I'm hot?"...I mean c'mon iris, I think you're the same iris that's around these forums and you should know the answer to these questions. It's clear and obvious that he's not putting in a shred of effort, and why aren't you making him come into your town, why didn't you tell him to come down to your neighborhood because that would be appropriate for a first date instead of send a woman driving to another town? I mean, you could say anything, have some expectations, make some demands, just don't be a complete pushover, this guys already acting like a semi-interested super lazy boyfriend that doesn't want to go out anymore and you're just like woohoo i got a date...and this guy sounds like the kind of good friend material? Look, I'm not trying to rain on your parade here, I'm just baffled by the reason some women need to ask the most damned questions that are so completely obvious, how could you even read it and be like...hmm I wonder If I'm being reasonable, it worries me the sense that you have and what other kind of judgment you would use if you're already this clueless with something so in your face and obvious. Go down there, try and have a good time, enjoy yourself if you can but don't sell your soul to the devil just because you want a date and this guy is the best thing you've got going on right now...maybe you've got it pretty rough, but damn, I can't understand how men can be so pathetic sometimes either that women set the level of expectations so damn low, it's just mind-boggling sometimes (ok fine, most of the time!) how people are in general. For some of us, if we waited for a guy do everything "right," we'd never date. Ever. So we choose less than we want or we sit home. You seem to think there's all these amazing men out there dying to sweep us off our feet. Where are these men because I don't know them. Anyway, the date went well. I think he was nervous about asking me out in the first place. He probably likes me more than I like him at this point, but he seems like a nice guy and I'll give him a chance.
Author iris219 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 How did you meet? Through a friend. His ex fiancé went to college with one of my current best friends and we ran into him one night. We were introduced, we said hello, and that was it. A couple weeks later he found me on FB and asked me out. He seems like a nice guy and we had fun. He comes from a good family (they are apparently very wealthy. There's a lot of old money in this town) and he has a good job. I'm not used to meeting men with actual careers, so that was nice. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Through a friend. His ex fiancé went to college with one of my current best friends and we ran into him one night. We were introduced, we said hello, and that was it. A couple weeks later he found me on FB and asked me out. He seems like a nice guy and we had fun. He comes from a good family (they are apparently very wealthy. There's a lot of old money in this town) and he has a good job. I'm not used to meeting men with actual careers, so that was nice. Sounds very positive. Happy for you Ignore the negativity earlier in the thread. As long as you set your boundaries on sex (which I know you will), enjoy getting to know him better. And keep us posted
Author iris219 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Sounds very positive. Happy for you Ignore the negativity earlier in the thread. As long as you set your boundaries on sex (which I know you will), enjoy getting to know him better. And keep us posted Thanks! I'm thinking at this point that we will make better friends, but we'll see. I'm keeping an open mind.
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Well glad the date went better than expected. Would be interested to hear how things turn out. 1
Els Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 For some of us, if we waited for a guy do everything "right," we'd never date. Ever. So we choose less than we want or we sit home. You seem to think there's all these amazing men out there dying to sweep us off our feet. Where are these men because I don't know them. Anyway, the date went well. I think he was nervous about asking me out in the first place. He probably likes me more than I like him at this point, but he seems like a nice guy and I'll give him a chance. If you like him even LESS than he likes you (which I honestly didn't think was even possible, based on your opening post)... I really don't see this going anywhere, Iris. Are both of you at least going to agree to multi-date casually? Don't lead him on just because you want a man, and don't commit to him just because you feel you 'aren't going to get any better'. That's a surefire recipe for disaster.
Author iris219 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 If you like him even LESS than he likes you (which I honestly didn't think was even possible, based on your opening post)... I really don't see this going anywhere, Iris. Are both of you at least going to agree to multi-date casually? Don't lead him on just because you want a man, and don't commit to him just because you feel you 'aren't going to get any better'. That's a surefire recipe for disaster. I actually told him last night that I don't see us dating. He was making it clear that he liked me, so I thought I should be honest. He asked if I still wanted to hang out and I said sure, so I hope we do.
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Will never understand why topics like this even come up on early dates. Men, don't make declarations or supplicate to women you have just met. They are still strangers. Other than basic physical preference factors, and very bad behavior, how can a person know how much they "like" someone or not after one face to face date and some FB contact? I submit they can't, and even if they do, a first date is the time to be flirty and fun, not solicitous. And OP, how was the guy lookswise? Did you find him attractive? If not, I understand your position and decision, but if you did find him attractive "enough," and he wasn't weird, hope not to see many "no men in my area" lamentations for awhile if you can know so certainly that "you don't see dating" as a possibility with an eligible man you meet after a single date.
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