Jump to content

He doesn't think we could work

mellow_yellow

By mellow_yellow
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I am in same position as you. I am 33 and men I am into only seem to want to use me for sex. I am also very rarely attracted to anyone so it stings even more when someone I want doesn't want a relationship with me.

 

I also feel like time is running out but I am powerless to stop it so I try not to think of it much. If I never have marriage and kids, so be it. It's not meant to happen to everyone.

 

I often feel that maybe I am just not good looking enough to attract men I want :(

 

If you like, PM me a picture of yourself as I am really good with suggesting flattering hairstyles/colors, make-up, clothes. It doesn't hurt to make the absolute most of your natural attributes.

  • Like 1
bolase Established Member

bolase

Posted
Posted

If a man is into you, they will let you know, or hint it, or at the very least stare at you. If not, there is no point in approaching them in order to ask them for a relationship. Doesn't mean you're unattractive or not good - it means he wasn't excited enough by the idea.

 

I'm sure that I and other women would get the same reaction if we happened to approach a man who had shown no interest in us whatsoever despite being in their line of sight over several weeks/months, and asked him about the chances of us getting into a relationship!

 

Some would say it's slightly sexist but I do believe men are programmed to show their interest in you. It's not something they hide.

 

Question: what were you thinking, asking him if a relationship between you would work under x y or z circumstances? that's so freaking full on between 2 people who don't even flirt and when no one has asked the other for a date. Don't do that.

 

Secondly, don't feel down. I usually have a good few guys who are expressing interest in me (I'm 27 and female) and I have certainly, painfully checked out, approached just to chat to, and even texted (without being too forward) a certain guy recently who I really thought would reciprocate - he has no charm and is not what most women would consider attractive, he has some weird traits...anyway, zero interest. If you feel zero interest you can do no more!

dasein Established Member

dasein

Posted
Posted

Question: what were you thinking, asking him if a relationship between you would work under x y or z circumstances? that's so freaking full on between 2 people who don't even flirt and when no one has asked the other for a date. Don't do that.

 

This is a good point, lots of men would respond better to a more indirect less pressure approach, lots of people actually might be put off with straight up relationship talk before any dating had happened.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

Haha I also ask like OP. Rejection brings out the worst in me and if a guy is vague, I ask many questions and explanations. I can rarely just let things go. I am sure most guys think I am too intense but I don't care. I also offer in depth explanation to the men I reject, should they ask for it.

 

I don't think her asking had anything to do with why he rejected her. She only asked post-rejection.

 

I think this is something that analytical people or over-thinkers do.

bolase Established Member

bolase

Posted
Posted

Hmm it's not that he rejected her because she asked straight up. its that she could have saved herself the hurt but not asking a guy for a relationship when there was nothing going on and no interest!

  • Author
mellow_yellow Established Member

mellow_yellow

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Hmm it's not that he rejected her because she asked straight up. its that she could have saved herself the hurt but not asking a guy for a relationship when there was nothing going on and no interest!

 

You're right - there was no interest. I sadly misinterpreted his behaviour... I thought he saw me as more than a friend, when he was just being that - friendly. Nothing more.

 

I thought he was out of my league anyways. Then, when he was friendly and (I thought!) flirting with me, I as flattered and relieved. Because guys don't usually show an interest in me. And the whole thing took on a life of its own from there.

 

Thanks to all the posters for your input. What this has shown is that I'm nowhere ready to date. I still think I'm not good enough, so don't expect any interest. Then, if someone *does* shows an interest I can't take it seriously. And because I think like this, I put myself in situations that confirm my negative self-image. Catch-22 :(

 

What I wanted to say at this point though: although I agree with the posters that said I should have flirted with him first, gone on a date befor the r/s question came up, I did not straight out ask him "do you see a r/s working between us?".

 

I just couldn't read him. He would say and do little things that made me wonder if he saw me as more than a friend, made me wonder whether he might ask me out if we matched to the same area. He never straight out said "I only like you as a friend." And because I was confused, I asked if that was the case. He was the one to say that a r/s between us would not work. I hadn't thought that far ahead to be honest...I was still trying to work out if he fancied me.

Edited by mellow_yellow
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...