noble Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been together just over four years. Things are good, I am really in love with him and hopefully one day we will get married. He's not really a jealous guy -- very trusting, and doesn't worry about me cheating or anything like that. I suppose that's because I'm a pretty loyal girl and I pride myself on being honest. However, one area where he has been slightly jealous is my past. He doesn't really want to know anything about the guys I dated before him, which I understand. Sometimes its just better not to know any details, cause they might be upsetting. He has specifically told me that if any of these guys contact me or text me, that he doesn't want to know. Now, there is one ex who I have never run into or seen since we dated because he moved away to another state. That was five years ago, but recently he sent me a facebook message asking how I've been. I responded, and we've just been friendly like updating each other on things in our lives, you know, whatever. Definitely hasn't crossed any lines, and i don't intend it to. However, I'm wondering if i should tell my boyfriend? I know he has specifically said he doesn't wanna know about this stuff, but I feel like by not telling him I'm hiding something. And I just want to be honest. I am scared though that if I am honest about it, he will be upset and bothered by it. One time an ex texted me something inappropriate about still wanting to be with me, and it really upset him and he didn't talk to me for like a week even though it wasn't my fault, I didn't encourage it at all. So what should I do? Tell him, and be honest, and have him maybe get jealous... OR.. respect his wishes, and not tell him.. but then feel like I'm hiding something?
aed Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I have almost the same policy as your bf. So I understand what your bf is coming from. But let my ask you a question (because your bf will think about this): Why are you holding back this information if it doesn't mean anything for you? And if it does mean something why do you not talk about it? PS: I do not aply you will cheat or anything like that!
Author noble Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 I guess I would hold it back because I know he wont be pleased about it, platonic or otherwise. He prefers not to know stuff, so he doesn't think about my past and get jealous. I know if I tell him, it will bother him, and then he might get weird about it for a week or two which I would want to avoid.. especially over something that is totally not a big deal.
rocketman122 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) I would tell him. I would not like it if my gf had contact with ex's. but I have never replied to ex's messages or texts or calls I received when I was with someone else. its disrespectful. on two different occassions I got calls from ex's when I was at my GF house and didnt answer. I recognized the numbers (was not in my phone memory) but she gave me hell. im very strict with this and demand the same. how would you feel if it was the other way around? I have a strict no girl friends policy when im with someone. but I dont feel like I can be friends with woman if it isnt sexual. especially over something that is totally not a big deal. in your eyes. but it is. dont decide for him. Edited December 2, 2012 by rocketman122
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 As long as the FB relationship with the ex is purely friendly, and doesn't escalate to frequent email or other contact, it's innocuous, and no need to tell your BF. If you find yourself emailing back and forth several times a week with this guy, on FB or otherwise, you need to cut that out rather than even let it become an issue in your relationship.
Author noble Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Rocketman -- so you suggest that I should tell him, even though he has specifically asked me not to tell him if an ex contacts me? I dunno, also if his ex contacts him I dont really care. I know he's contacted her a few times in the 4 years we've been together, and it's not a big deal. I know he loves me, and is just being friendly with an ex.. I dont know if i think its really any different than any other friendship of the opposite sex. Plus, this guy is someone I dated for 3 weeks over 5 years ago, and now lives in another state.. Gah. I dunno.
Under The Radar Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 as long as the fb relationship with the ex is purely friendly, and doesn't escalate to frequent email or other contact, it's innocuous, and no need to tell your bf. If you find yourself emailing back and forth several times a week with this guy, on fb or otherwise, you need to cut that out rather than even let it become an issue in your relationship. ^^^^^this^^^^^
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