Dagorath Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 In looking at my history I realize that I have very rarely stayed in contact with my exes. I have been thinking about this, and i'm wondering if it is a bad thing. I wonder if it has hindered my ability to move on, or to accept them with other guys. I also wonder if this affects current and future relationships I may have in regards to envy and jealousy. In short: Is it better or worse to stay in touch with an ex in a normal* break up? I'm open to Pros and Cons also, rather than a straight answer. *By normal, I mean: no cheating, or anything devious like that.
tatbubba Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I'm all for the clean break 'you don't exist any more' type of breakup 3
Mer91 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Clean break. There are almost 9 billion people in the world. There are more women in the world then men, and something like 20% of men have issues even speaking to women. Odds are you will find someone new. Clean break. If in a couple of years you bump back into each other and become friends or date again thats different. But you need that degree of seperation. and that time to find yourself.
Sugarkane Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I've had a couple of exes that treated me like complete shyte and didn't seem to care. After being dumped cruelly staying in touch was the least of my concern. I have also hardly stayed in contact. All you get is breadcrumbs and them leading us on only to find out they're already with someone else. Not impressed.
Biscous Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Clean break to clear your head and regain your self identity. There is a time of a break up when no contact is necessary to heal. Maybe you all can speak amicable later down the line but that time.
source24 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Depends on three things really. 1. How ready are you to deal with this new relationship dynamic? If you stay friends with them, you won't be as close, you won't really be able to hang out, things won't be the same. They will be with other people, and they won't be the same person you knew when you were in a relationship with them. If you stay friends with them, you have to be able to deal with them not being what they used to be. 2. Are you confident in yourself. If you want to stay friends, you need to make sure their actions no longer affect you. You can still care about them, but if they are being stupid and sleeping around, you need to realize that it shouldn't affect you. You need to be able to focus on yourself, because they will no longer be a part of you, they will just be a friend. This goes with the first point, but you have to realize, that you can't dwell on them. You have to focus on yourself, because your self-confidence shouldn't depend on them. 3. Staying friends with them also means you risk falling back into a relationship. To some this is a good thing, but to others, it is just a bad decision, as you will only be worse off than before, and more than likely you will end up breaking up again and being on even worse terms. This is a risk. Especially if you party together or get drunk, it is so so easy to sleep together, and this will just complicate things and mess with your head. In my opinion, after a breakup, you can't really be friends. You need no contact for a while to restore your own identity, and then you can be acquaintances, but you can never really be friends with them unless you are ready to put past feelings behind you and focus on them only as friends.
Sugarkane Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I'd be far too tempted to get revenge since I was dumped cruelly.
suladas Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Depends if you knew each other for a while before dating, will still see each other, etc. If you met just to start dating, and will likely never see them again, i'd have no reason to stay in contact really. However if I still had to see them, I think staying in contact is better if the BU wasn't messy. Not friends or anything at least not for a very long time.
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