roswellcake Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 hi, this is my first post here. I have recently seperated from my wife of 5years. The decision to leave was hers and this happened 2 months ago now. Our marriage had some issues of the years a lot of which came down to my wifes short fuse and black and white thinking. In her eyes i could never get anything right despite my attempts. One such example, I had finished cleaning the house and changed the duvet cover I missed a button on the cover and she flipped her lid claiming I couldn't do anything right and was always content with medeocre whereas she couldnt accept anything less than perfect!! which created constant tension and made me feel usless. This constant pressure from my wife beat me down over time and made me really unhappy and at times question whether there was something better for me a life with someone who wasnt so difficult. It wasnt all bad though, like any relationship it had its good moments too. Eventually my wife left claiming she was unhappy too. She claimed we wernt compatible and that i didnt make her happy. She traded the security of our marriage, house and financial stability to then move into a houseshare and go out getting drunk every weekend with her friends. She has also started a relationship with her personal trainer (a guy who still lives with his parents). When she left i did feel relief and the stress of having her in the house bossing me around was gone - finally i could breath. I felt great for a good few days after she left and was convinced it was the right thing her leaving me. This was two mornths ago and since then I have been through a whirlwind of emotions from feeling stable to REALLY missing her. Right now im wondering whether it was the right choice and feel sick that i didnt chase and fight for the relationship - everything that bothered me when i was in it doesnt seem so bad now. Is this normal to think about the past in this way and imagine things to be better than they were? I have this massive urge to email my wife and try to make contact agin to try to stop the divorce - god im a mess. Am i just going through the emotions - some adive would be really appreciated.
Gunny376 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Your freaking kidding me right? What one woman could abuse? Another can certainly use! You'd be nuts to go back to someone like this! She could be the Hottest Babe in town, the daughter of the Richest Man around who owns a chain of liquor stores for five states around, have size 44DD breasts and I wouldn't take someone like you've described back! Sounds as though she's got some serious flaws herself such as insecurity, lack of confidence which she projects outward and on to others ~ such as YOURSELF! I would even suggest that she's got Narcissistic Personality Disorder ~ or some other type of disorder. You can't rid yourself of this toxic person quick enough. Life is just to freaking short! 2
SuperGeek Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Not sure about you, but if any girlfriend/wife leaves or walks out that door then it's over in my mind. If they can do it once, they'll do it again. She's gone mate. She's with a guy living at his parents house. Women can easily do this when relationships end. They can find any willing man (dating sites it takes 5 minutes, a bar about 30 minutes, etc) and put them in their life to fill the void. Women can do it because they ultimately control who they have sex with. Finding willing guys is just like running tap water out of the faucet - very easy to fill that glass, even if the water is not completely clean/pure or has impurities in it. I doubt she cares about the purity of the water right now, just that she's got a nice new glass of water to refill that glass until she's ready to be serious again. Personally for me, if i was in your shoes, I'd be done. I'd be getting a lawyer and filling the divorce immediately. No matter how you slice it she's not happy and it doesn't sound like you're happy either. Just get the D and be done with it. She's already moved out and banging some other guy. Yeah it hurts to read what I'm saying but I'm not going to sugar coat your situtaoin for you. You need to realize that it's OVER man. Grow a pair and get the D and move on to another woman who will actually respect you. Fact: Women don't leave a man and shack up with a guy living with his parents if they believe there is still a future with their existing husband/boyfriend. She left, which means she's done in her head. Besides, if she came back at this point, could you really trust her? She's probably been banging this guy like crazy... do you really want her back at this point after that? If i was you, hell no........ I'd be at the court house with a tent and sleeping bag WAITING for them to open so I could file the divorce. My ex pulled the same CRAP, tried to come back after banging some other dirtbag for 9 months. It was a total bull**** relationship for her and she even admitted she didn't even like him, he was just filler to help her to get over me. THEN she actually thought that I would take her sorry ass back after all of that--- NO WAY IN HELL. The thought of being with her now makes me ill, literally. I showed her ass the door and cut all contact with her for life. She can just live with her decision that she made. Though I'm sure she probably has a new guy now (doesn't take long for girls) and she's moved on --- good riddance. I don't know what she does and i don't even care anymore. Indifference is the best state to be in and I'm finally there. Just my thoughts on your situation, sorry if it's too harsh, but I've been exactly right where you are. Try and think about what you deserve from a woman and not about what you've lost. You deserve to be treated MUCH better than this. Read this post again if you don't undrstand what i'm saying: your relationship is OVER. She's banging a dirtbag who lives with his parents. It can't get more obvious that it's over dude. SuperGeek Edited December 2, 2012 by SuperGeek 1
2.50 a gallon Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 She has make her choice , let her stay gone I think you are going through the break up stage, where you begin to wonder if I will ever have that recipe again. And begin to worry that you might have to live the rest of your life alone. Trust me you will find somebody, it might take awhile, but it will happen. From what you posted, it sounds as if she had very little respect for you in the marriage and by your e-mailing her and trying to get her back will never work 1
aMguilts Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 hello roswellcake I`m with 2.50 gallon . Why do you even want to email her? for what reason? There must have been something there before or you wouldn`t of married her? What was the reason you married her? Has she changed? Started doing drugs or getting pi**ed every night? Emailing her will get you nowhere. If she wanted to be with you, she would be, right now. Personally, i think you have dodged a bullet/claymore/missile. Let sleeping dogs lie Am 1
GuyInLimbo Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It's fear, bro. Fear is playing games with your head. The familiar is always more "comfortable" for people. You need to fight for YOURSELF. This woman has abused you for years. She doesn't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve how she treats you. She sounds like an immature mess. Move on with your life and find your true happiness.
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