Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 4th date Thursday night. I REALLY like him so far. But I texted him yesterday night at 7:30. And no reply. Would a guy whos interested take that long to reply?? Dont get it. Seems to be taking his time too bot asked me to be his girlfriend. I hope his not dating others!!
dasein Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Depends on what he has going on, and his attitude about texts. Would allow 48-72 hours before worrying too much. Some guys, self included, don't do much contact during the early going before exclusivity. Good luck.
truth_seeker Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 4th date and you want him to be your boyfriend? Yea, he is definitely dating others. If you are smothering him, no chance of a 5th date unless sex is guaranteed.
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Thank you for your reply, give me some hope. He seems so lovely and texted me after 3rd date saying he was so glad to have met me and he enjoyed my company. Just odd as from day 1 he takes ages to reply. But not this long. Hmm. I just dont wanna waste my time.
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 4th date and you want him to be your boyfriend? Yea, he is definitely dating others. If you are smothering him, no chance of a 5th date unless sex is guaranteed. When should I expect him to be my boyfriend then? I havent smothered him at all. And no sex here for along time untill I know him very well. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I say if he's not texting you back on the weekend, then either he is busy or has plans with another woman. I say he's either still playing the field or going no contact to not seem too eager.
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Thursday we went on a cinema date, his picked me up/dropped me off. He caught my cold off me so Friday night I text him saying enjoy your friday night and hope your cold is getting better. As he told me he was staying in Friday night. I know he was working all day today and is going out tonight with is mates. But even if ill or busy id make time to reply. Odd.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Are you dating my ex by any chance? He was from East Sussex, and he was an ******* with contact/texts/calls (among other things). Don't waste a second of your time on men who do not give you a few seconds of their day to text you, for one reason or another (mainly mind games, playing the field, or plain ego boost he might get if you start chasing him).
dasein Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Don't waste a second of your time on men who do not give you a few seconds of their day to text you, for one reason or another (mainly mind games, playing the field, or plain ego boost he might get if you start chasing him). The corollary would be don't waste a second of your time on someone who is still a relative stranger or casual acquaintance who has unrealistic, rigid contact expectations from the start. Those types tend to have unrealistic, high maintenance expectations in other areas and emotional issues to boot.
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Are you dating my ex by any chance? He was from East Sussex, and he was an ******* with contact/texts/calls (among other things). Don't waste a second of your time on men who do not give you a few seconds of their day to text you, for one reason or another (mainly mind games, playing the field, or plain ego boost he might get if you start chasing him). lol his from Hastings? Could be. Oh I hope I am not some nutter. My mum and dad cant believe he hasnt asked me out either yet. Im just not used to dating.
Divasu Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Sweetie, it hasn't even been 24 hours. An initial emotional response to that of mistrust, (IE: I "hope" he is not dating others") is a strong statement that you need to examine. If the dates/time spent together are going well and is continuing, try to focus on that instead. If there are other things that you believe indicate low investment on his part, have a chat with him about it. 2
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Ahr thank you, I know. Its only as I dont want to get hurt again and rather know now that his not interested than later down the road. Plus my dad keeps saying oh he must have others on the go and my mum does! lol
Divasu Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Ahr thank you, I know. Its only as I dont want to get hurt again and rather know now that his not interested than later down the road. No one wants to get hurt. IF it turns out you don't hear from him at some point, you'll know when the moment is right to move along.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 The corollary would be don't waste a second of your time on someone who is still a relative stranger or casual acquaintance who has unrealistic, rigid contact expectations from the start. Those types tend to have unrealistic, high maintenance expectations in other areas and emotional issues to boot. Unrealistic to expect that someone who is interested and isnt playing games eould take a few seconds to text her? No, i dont think so. People like you expect to be lazy or to play games, and still get the woman, as a willing participant in your immature games.
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 4 dates with no sex in sight? He's definitely dating other women. What? I have never heard anything so crazy in my life! 4 dates! More like 4 months! Jeez I dont jump in to bed with anyone!
dasein Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Unrealistic to expect that someone who is interested and isnt playing games eould take a few seconds to text her? No, i dont think so. People like you expect to be lazy or to play games, and still get the woman, as a willing participant in your immature games. Having a full life and a mature, adult perspective on early dating and contact expectations are not immature games.
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 (edited) Haha, 4 months. Maybe if it were 1955 or if you guys were 13. Good luck with that. Oh my god I cant believe you lol seriously? I am not in to one night stands or casual sex. Lots of people wait that legth of time. Its respect. The right man would wait. I am not saying it would be that long but certainly not on the 4th date! I know hardly anything about him!! Just seen your others posts. I wont be taking you seriously after saying something like this! oday, 8:12 AM #14 Greznog Established Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 1,135 Find someone else to bang until your kids are grown. Edited December 1, 2012 by Vikki_26 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Having a full life and a mature, adult perspective on early dating and contact expectations are not immature games. I have a full life (actually multiple jobs and family responsibilities) and I am far more mature than most 30 year olds, and yet, I do have the time to text someone that I am interested in, and do. I do not play ego/mind games. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Ahr thank you, I know. Its only as I dont want to get hurt again and rather know now that his not interested than later down the road. Plus my dad keeps saying oh he must have others on the go and my mum does! lol That's nice you can talk to your parents about this, they sound like good people, I can see why you're the sweet type. Here's the thing, it's natural for guys to pull off a little bit, lighten up with the contact especially if other things are going on in his life. However he didn't text you back and said he'd be staying in Friday night after catching your cold on Thursday night? ehhhh, yeah, that doesn't sound consistent, if a guy is interested in you the interest is strong through and through and he's more open and honest with you about plans and scheduling. He also doesn't leave anything to chance, so I think he just feels in control of this situation so far and being a little relaxed about it. I'd say he is likely dating others as well, the way you're kind of just sitting around a bit confused and not sure how he feels about this is a sign to me. And that would be a little quick to ask you to be his girlfriend, but still if he really is into you and likes you a lot, it can go really fast but I wouldn't hold it against a person or expect that in 4 dates, that's definitely just too fast in general. I know this will fall on deaf ears but you've got to take it slow and just let things pan out, there's no guarantees in dating or knowing, unless of course you make the effort and ask and figure it out, to find out what he's looking for and how he feels...most women are afraid to do that though and they make it extremely easy for men to be and do whatever they feel like...but remember, you don't have to just talk about general things, don't just be afraid and trying to make things go by perfectly, if you do that then a man can just see your gullibility and naivety and take advantage of it...try to stay composed and strong, and like you're doing your own thing as well and not just thinking about him all the time, once you show all your cards and just show all the interest because you want him to want to be into you then you're just accommodating a man way too much. 2
Author Vikki_26 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 That's nice you can talk to your parents about this, they sound like good people, I can see why you're the sweet type. Here's the thing, it's natural for guys to pull off a little bit, lighten up with the contact especially if other things are going on in his life. However he didn't text you back and said he'd be staying in Friday night after catching your cold on Thursday night? ehhhh, yeah, that doesn't sound consistent, if a guy is interested in you the interest is strong through and through and he's more open and honest with you about plans and scheduling. He also doesn't leave anything to chance, so I think he just feels in control of this situation so far and being a little relaxed about it. I'd say he is likely dating others as well, the way you're kind of just sitting around a bit confused and not sure how he feels about this is a sign to me. And that would be a little quick to ask you to be his girlfriend, but still if he really is into you and likes you a lot, it can go really fast but I wouldn't hold it against a person or expect that in 4 dates, that's definitely just too fast in general. I know this will fall on deaf ears but you've got to take it slow and just let things pan out, there's no guarantees in dating or knowing, unless of course you make the effort and ask and figure it out, to find out what he's looking for and how he feels...most women are afraid to do that though and they make it extremely easy for men to be and do whatever they feel like...but remember, you don't have to just talk about general things, don't just be afraid and trying to make things go by perfectly, if you do that then a man can just see your gullibility and naivety and take advantage of it...try to stay composed and strong, and like you're doing your own thing as well and not just thinking about him all the time, once you show all your cards and just show all the interest because you want him to want to be into you then you're just accommodating a man way too much. Thanks for this, I plan to not contact him again unless he texts me. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 They really don't. The same man willing to wait 4 months to have sex is the same man women find utterly unattractive. If the two of you had any sort of chemistry something would've happened by now. This is not true. My sister (highly educated and career-oriented, and kinda conservative when it comes to sex) married her bf and they didn't have sex for the first 7-8 months of their dating/relationship.. She hasn't left him (they've been married 5 years now), and won't. They are both highly educated (PhDs ) and career-driven and their entire lives do not revolve around sex.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks for this, I plan to not contact him again unless he texts me. Good! You already texted him once! He hasn't replied. Don't make yourself look desperate. And don't be that desperate. Move on - if he texts, he texts; then you decide if you want to keep this up. If he doesn't, his loss. Women should be more determined to get what they deserve. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Good! You already texted him once! He hasn't replied. Don't make yourself look desperate. And don't be that desperate. Move on - if he texts, he texts; then you decide if you want to keep this up. If he doesn't, his loss. Women should be more determined to get what they deserve. So, you're saying men have to chase while women sit back and have the luxury of choosing?
rocketman122 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 What? I have never heard anything so crazy in my life! 4 dates! More like 4 months! Jeez I dont jump in to bed with anyone! not sure if he's interested. time will tell. and there's no excuse for not reply in a timely manners. a few hours at max. but 4 months and no sex..youre out! I have a rule where I wait up to 3 weeks and then I walk away. only one girl I dated ended up holding out for that long. the rest was usually on the 2nd date. 4 months..sheesh, what are you, mother Teresa?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 So, you're saying men have to chase while women sit back and have the luxury of choosing? Nope - both do a bit of showing interest. It's mutual. Neither one has to necessarily "chase" the other. But OP has already texted him and he has not replied. Why should she text him again? The ball is in his court.
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