NC but I miss him even though he is an idiot! p.s. sorry it's long!

[tatbubba]

I dated this guy for nearly a year even though during the winter we didn't see each other so much because I lived some way away from where he did, but we spoke almost every day, and then from March onwards we saw each other every weekend. He told me he couldn't promise me anything because he was coming out of a difficult break up from a LTR (7 years) but he was always telling me how he cared about me, how he liked my company and spending time with me. Then it would seem he met/got back in contact with another girl in May and after 10 months of seeing me called it all off, saying we should just be friends, over the phone, even though at that time he could have easily met up and seen me because I was living in his town (for work.) I had been there for him through the bad times and I felt so hurt, also on a level of friendship because we had been friends before we started to see each other. That was back in August. Still hurts. He just dropped me and basically stopped talking to me or wanting to see me, he cut all ties with his ex and now spends all his time with this other girl or if he is not with her he is chatting to her on whatsapp or on the phone with her. After he finished with me I asked him a couple of times if we could meet to talk face to face, he said yes but he made a lot of excuses... so I kind of gave up... and then I realised he had starting officially dating this other girl and I was so upset and angry. At the start of October a mutual friend invited me to dinner, and him too, there was about 9 people but I spent the whole night talking to him and according to my friend everytime I spoke to him or him to me my face lit up After that meal I told him there was no away we could be friends because I cared a lot about him and it hurt me at the meal when he sat messagging the other girl and at the end went off to meet her.. about four weeks after that I don't know why but I messaged him on whatsapp just in a casual friendly way and we talked a little but just ended up bickering and I finally told him he'd broken my heart. After that determined to forget him I deleted him on facebook, a few days later he messaged me on whatsapp to ask me why so I deleted that too. He sent me a text message saying if I didn't want him to text me just say so, I didn't have to change number, too. I replied after one week saying it made me feel better and he said he didnt realise a casual message every now and again could hurt me and I said after the way he had acted towards me it was difficult to view him as a friend and maybe after a few months maybe we could be friends but that it would be up to me. He said he accepted that but that he cared about me. I said if he wanted to talk to me since I was sick of communicating by message I was available the next day, well that next day came and passed and he didn't get in touch until the evening after when he said he had left his phone at a friend's house but of course he had 5 minutes to talk to me. I was so mad that I said he had had plenty of opportunitys to talk face to face since August and to show me that he cared about me like he said, but he hasn't, I've tried everything but I give up, because of the time I spent with him my other friendships have suffered and that the next time he wants someone to fool around with to please NOT pick a girl like me - a girl who he knew had had a very difficult last couple of years (lost my mom to cancer, dad had a heart attack, financial problems, already got my heart broken big style) because he had left me in pieces! Of course he didn't reply and I haven't heard from him since. It's only been about a week and I know I should be thinking I'm better off without him but I just feel so hurt and frustrated, that someone I could have cared a lot about at the end of the day was just messing around. He's still dating that other girl and they seem like the romance of the century... By the way, this guy is 30... I'm 25...we're not at high school!

[Hopeful714]

Hi, I wanted to respond to you because I can relate to exactly where you are coming from. I got involved with someone who also kept telling me they cared about me etc., however they played many games with me to the point where I too had to cut all contact although I did not want to. I just had no choice.

 

Like you, I too have faced many things in my life that were/are very difficult to deal with but I do ok regardless and for that I am thankful. For me, and most likely yourself, the things you have dealt with shaped you to be a person who is conscience of others feeling, and in general a more mature, kind and caring individual. I have a feeling that like myself as well, you tend to get very attached when dating someone whom you really like.

 

Unfortunately, there are people out there who are not at your maturity level yet. And it is possible they never will be. I bet this guy did "care" about you like he said but he most likely sensed that you wanted and needed something more serious then he was able to give you at this time. It may even be that even though he cares, he sensed you were not the one for him and wants or needs to date others for something more casual and or to find what he is looking for. This hurts. Alot. Believe me I know. But in the end, he DID do what you asked and that is to leave you alone and not toy with you anymore. You should be glad for that.

 

I know there is no way I can be friends with my ex ever and actually he did many crappy things to me that I really shouldn't ever want to be anyhow. At least I have some self respect left. You did the right thing. Now you have to find somehow to move on to find someone who appreciates you for you and everything you have to offer. Again, I know this hurts. Its going on 3 months for me now and I am still having a very very difficult time dealing with the hurt feelings and thinking of him out having fun, dating, etc while I am still torn over it all.

 

Just take it one day at a time and try to build a new life with out him. I know its hard, but really....we don't have any other choice. Good luck.

[tatbubba]

Thanks for your nice reply. I know what you mean about not having any other choice. I guess that's the problem now... I've kind of had to accept the fact that he's with her and also that maybe she had something I didn't. I don't know her, so I can't judge, but she must be something pretty special. Yes, I do get too attached in dating. But the other person often doesn't know about it. I don't call them all the time or bug them with messages because I like my space and also because I don't want to scare them, maybe people don't realise that I'm as into them as I am.