Delta747 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I've been with my fiancé for two years now. Suddenly I've been getting these bad dreams about her for the past two months. Stuff like she's a cheater and liar but hey there just dreams so I ignored them. Her EX had his daughter in the hospital because she was really sick. Found that out from her because her mom told her. Anyways she messaged her EX on Facebook saying "if he needs to talk that she'll always be there for him and that even though they moved on he will always be in her heart and she said she will always love him" I confronted her about this and she started crying saying she regretted sending that message and I asked if she still wanted to be with me and if I'll always be the only one in her heart she said yes that I am. She said its just that he was her first love and first real relationship. What should I do about this? FYI he never messaged her back
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Nothing.. I understand why your upset. But you have to understand somtimes the people we once cared for we will always care for. Like I said I understand your upset. It sounds to me like your more upset about these dreams you've been having. Which isn't her fault and like you said are just dreams.. Shrug it off.
aed Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 You can't do anything. But dude this is not a good sign! Her saying that she want's to be with you, is just something she will say automaticly. If it would be innocent she would told you what was going on and that she offerd him help. And not the 'I still love you you will always be in my hart'. She made a love confession to an other guy. Like i said you can't do anything, but it's a major red flag (and for most people a dealbreaker)
Author Delta747 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Yea I know. She could have offered help I have no problem with that but the I will always love you is what set me off. I asked her if she still wants to be with me and she said yes. I told her we can take a break but she don't want to. All I'm hearing from her are the sorrys and she messed up. I don't know how to handle this situation
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Yes indeed its a HUGE red flag that her first love will always be in her heart and your not the only one there and that she will always have love for him!! I think you should totally blow this out of proportion as the BIGGEST RED FLAG EVER! Seriously? I don't see this as a HUGE red flag unless there is somthing else your not saying. So I guess you really have a choice don't you. Learn to pick and choose your battles don't over anylize every little thing bad that happens or just dump her!! Ruin a 2 yr relationship because she will always have love for her first love. I still have love for the exs that I was in love with. They will always be in my heart. I don't want them back infact I'm the one that left them. Point being no guy is going to come along and throw a big fit about how I feel. Infact this would just make me NOT want to tell you things. I'm sorry but you sound very insecure and kind of selfish with the line of (Am I the only one in your heart).. She said she wants to be with you I would take that at face value and work on your insecurities. She is upset and has even apologized over and over. Its a lot more then you would have gotten from me. Edited December 2, 2012 by Quest4_TheLost
aed Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 I don't know why you react this angry, but she invited the ex in to her life! ""if he needs to talk that she'll always be there for him and that even though they moved on he will always be in her heart and she said she will always love him"" The 'if he needs to talk' is an invitation ( I don't aply that she was planning to cheat!!!) But with the rest of the text, it is just normal you have questions. Being attentively for some one you care about and with the daughter in the hospital is normal and good. But a phone call, postcard or facebook message with: "Hey I heard about your daughter. what terrible, i wish you and your family I wish you all good luck, etc". Turning this around that it's OP his problem and doing is very easy and by no mean helpfull and very unrealistic. BUT: if she still has regulair close contact with the ex can put things in a different perspective, but then why would she appologies? @OP: You need to make a desicion for yourself. (do you trust her) Because what if the Ex want to meet to "talk" etc. You need to make a desicion. Do you put it behind or not? But don't keep things going and at the same time be very paranoid to her, because it will destroy you and her.
Author Delta747 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Thanx aed. I'm just gunna see what happens I love her and I do trust her. I can't throw away 2yrs just like that.
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) aed, Actually the anger was mostly directed at you the way you put for most people this would be a (deal breaker).. Saying it was such a huge red flag sounded to me like you were implying that she wanted to cheat on him. Then saying she would say (I want to be with you automatically) as if she was lying and just saying that to make him feel better. It sounded like you wanted him to just dump her! In my opinion your post was just stirring the pot and giving him more of a reason to be upset. In my post I said I understood why he would be upset. I don't see anything wrong with being friends with exs. His daughter is in the hospital she obviously feels terrible for him and wanted to know more about what was going on. You both automatically assumed the worse of this women. Even after she apologized and was so upset. Which obviously means she feels bad and respects how OP feels and really what more can be done then that.. Edited December 2, 2012 by Quest4_TheLost
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