Eternal Sunshine Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 So things ended with my FWB, the drummer boy. He treated me like s... and totally disrespected me The problem with him was that I had feelings for him even before we had sex so it was a bad deal...Sex in itself doesn't make me feel attached to a guy - it's only if I already really like him before sex. Even though that one ended badly, FWB appeals to me while I am still looking for "the one". I crave excitement and sex and being completely single bores me. I thought of my options for new FWB. I decided on this guy that I dated few months back but broke it off because he was not smart enough and he was a Republican . There is zero chance that I will fall for him. On the upside, we have already slept together, sex was great and he is super passionate about me. I decided to text him to feel things out. He seemed really happy to hear from me and suggested that we have coffee one day. I got to the point and said, "How about you come over to my place one evening instead? ;)" So he was really keen on the idea and we agreed on the day. I feel like I am doing something bad or that I shouldn't have casual sex for some reason. I think it's being brought up in a strict catholic family or something... Anyone thinks FWBs can actually improve your life?
crude Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I like to attempt to use common sense and not go by best selling books and rules created by who know who. If you like and trust a friend, and you find each other attractive, wtf is the problem? For me it beats a one night stand with a stranger or sex on the 3rd-5th date, depending on the rules you obey. Nothing ALWAYS works out, but I'll take intimacy with a friend over the other bs.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 It's only a bad idea if it's bad for the people involved. My impressions about you lead me to believe you're not cut out for it - even if you don't have "feelings" you seem to be a person who would end up feeling something. Not necessarily attachment, but more along the lines of rejection or lowered self-worth if the FWB guy did not show you the kind of interest in you that you crave, even if it's not reciprocated by you. Also, when you say he's "passionate" about you - are you saying that he already has shown he has "feelings" for you, or are you just talking about sexual passion? If you think he really digs you, it's ingenuous for you to aim to "use" him for sex, IMO. And this kind of situation is not really conducive to continuing to look for "the one" at the same time. All that aside, though, it's not "bad" unless you feel bad or hurt someone, IMO, and you're a grown woman who has all the tools to make this decision.
Divasu Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Anyone thinks FWBs can actually improve your life? Well, it did for these two.. Friends with Benefits Movie Trailer Official (HD) - YouTube But then again, it's just a movie.
MyPoutine Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I think it's bad, if you are looking for "the one" then why does being alone scare you in the meantime?? Why not go out and participate in social groups, volunteering and such while you search...if you get in the mood...toys etc?? I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned but I believe sex should be with someone special only. 1
carhill Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 OP, one thing to potentially process is that casual sex partners are not 'friends', presuming they are otherwise strangers. Friendship, trust and respect take time and effort to build. What you may perceive as the past FWB treating you like shyte is merely a person being indifferent to you, your feelings, your life, everything about you, except the sexual pleasure they derive from consensual sexual relations. If you're up to having casual sex with people who don't care for you, about you nor have any substantial investment in your life, than this (FWB) is for you. If you have male friends with whom casual sex won't poison your friendship, that's another potential, perhaps one more closely aligned with your desires for FWB. Personally, I'd make a lousy FWB partner, even though I'm a great friend to many women, simply because I can't separate the meaning of lovemaking from the sexual act. I couldn't be their friend after and wouldn't participate because of a lack of meeting of the minds surrounding the act. Everyone is different. I hope you find what you're looking for. I do understand the dynamic of celibacy well and appreciate that you don't particularly want to go there. That's valid. Good luck. 1
CarrieT Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Carhill is speaking very, very wise words... The FWB that I had that actually worked were, as Carhill mentioned, mostly strangers with whom I had recurring, amazing sexual escapades. They weren't really "friends" in that we didn't engage in much other activity than sex. There was respect, ostensibly. But I would never, ever suggest ruining a true friendship with sex - that NEVER works.
Sunfire73 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I tried that route and didn't work for me. We dated exclusively for about 8 months before the arrangement, so I had feelings for him. Didn't work out, found out he isn't my long term potential, but we still liked each other so we just tried to be FWB. I thought I could but then, I got jealous when reality sunk in that he dates other people as well. Also didn't help that we also dated during that arrangement, we didn't do just sex, so emotional connection was re-established therefore the bouts of jealousy.
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