IAHB Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Hi all, this is my first post. I am unsure whether this should go here or in coping but I'm just going to go on and tell you my story. My girlfriend and I broke up a week ago. We had been together for 3 years. I am 22, she is 21. We kind of had a mutual break-up, I will explain that in a second. This had been my first relationship. Basically we had a talk last week. It got pretty heavy. She hadn't been able to talk to me about breaking up before because I just ended up crying every time. We talked about our issues. I didn't spend enough time with her, I was constantly gaming, we didn't have anything in common. She had issues with sex, and I took our relationship for granted. After the breakup we talked again, and she said that she got bored with our relationship. She had been thinking about breaking up since we had been together 6 months, but she just denied there were any problems. She also said another reason was that she didn't want to be alone. Why I am posting here is because of a couple of things she said to me. She said that while she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore, she doesn't want anyone else, and she doesn't want me to be with anyone else either. She keeps telling me that she never wants to get back together, but I think this might indicate otherwise. She also wants almost everything that we had in the relationship. She wants to cuddle me, she wants to hang out with me and she also wants to sleep in the same bed as me. I think that while she had the strength of our relationship on her mind for quite some time (according to her best friend) we just pointed out the issues instead of trying to think of solutions to them. We tried to come up with activities to do together, but we only came up with a couple and neither of us wanted to do them, so we called it quits. We only started the no-contact thing today, as we had met up a couple of times and watched stuff together. She said that seeing me those couple of times made her really happy. She said in our fb conversation "Don't stop talking to me completely, just try to tone it down and no visits til Friday k? :'(" I said to her "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and she responded "mine won't". Did she mean it or is she just being defensive? I just think that if we actually worked at it, our relationship could work. I love her to bits. I am not sure if I can convince her to give it another try. Do you think we have a chance, or do I need to cut my losses and move on? Below is an excerpt of our fb conversation: 18:57 Her So did you get my text? 18:57 Me I did. As much as I hate the idea right now, it's probably for the best. 18:58 Her Yeah I didnt wanna admit that it has to happen but it really does Just know that its hard on me also 18:59 Me I understand. It will be hard for us both. We will both be REALLY tempted to see each other. 19:00 Her Yeah. But honestly I shouldnt have let you buy me lollies today and we shouldnt be hanging out every day and you definitely do not need to get me a bday present I just want to get used to it because I'm so used to you being here for me 19:00 Me Yeah hanging out every day is probably bad. I know. It's confusing because we are trying to get over the relationship, yet we both turn to each other for support. 19:02 Her I know but I feel like we are the only two people who actually understand the situation 19:02 Me It also sucks that most of my friends suck at this kind of thing. 19:02 Her Yeah 19:02 Me Yeah I know... who knows us better than us right? 19:03 Her Exactly. 19:03 Me I am going to be tempted to game lots but I am going to try my hardest to not do that. I am going to focus on improving myself. For myself. 19:04 Her For the first few weeks don't force anything on yourself and just do what makes you happy. Gaming makes you happy. 19:05 Me Gaming doesn't make me as happy as it used to. I find myself actually wanting to do other things. 19:06 Her Do whatever you feel like doing at the time. Keep yourself occupied. That's what I am doing. 19:06 Me Yeah. Most of the articles I read said no contact is for the best, but I didn't want to believe it because seeing you was making me SO happy. 19:08 Her Yeah me too but that is bad. We need to be able to be happy on our own and that is something I have NEVER let happen because the thought of it is hard. Hence the string of boyfriends. 19:08 Me It is good for you to admit things like that. 19:08 Her Yeah it really is. I need 'me' time. 19:09 Me I think I should take time to evaluate myself too. 19:09 Her Having said that please dont stop talking to me altogether, just try to tone it down til Friday and no visits k? :,(
Gottabestrong Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 It sounds to me like she really wants the relationship to be over, but she also wants to keep you in her life as a friend somehow. But more importantly she really wants you to move on and heal.
Sparta Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Dude the alone time she ****ing someone else… watch her carefully spy what ever .. it takes so if that is the case then just stay the away from her..
Author IAHB Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Sorry I haven't posted in such a long time guys, I have been actively posting on other forums about this. UPDATE: So its been about a month now, and I have been in strict NC for about 16 days, but things don't seem to be getting any easier. We tried the whole being friends thing and it wasn't working for me. She was having a great time with it. Less than a week after we broke up, she starting seeing another guy, and is still seeing him to this day. She had met him at a party a couple of nights before although she text me afterwards and said "I can't socialize without getting hit on, it's disgusting :(" and then she goes on a date with the guy. It has been a shock how fast she has changed, and how she can completely disregard my feelings after all we went through. There are photos of them holding hands and making out on facebook (I haven't seen them, her friend told me), they seem really happy and they are official but her friend said the weird thing is that she hasn't changed her relationship status on facebook because "she didn't want to offend anyone" and "she doesn't want to be criticized for moving on too quickly". I would really like your thoughts or kind words about the situation. Is her new relationship going to crash and burn? Does she still care about me at all?
ATR Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 You should not be speaking to her friend about her, NC means that there is no way she can further have an effect on your life. If you're mutual friends with this girl, make sure your conversations do not go on to speaking about her. NC is a time to better yourself, to move on. All the best. 1
Game Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Alright young'n..classic case of BS breakup. She wanted to breakup with you in a way that would make her feel the least guilty. Everything she is telling you about not being able to socialize without getting hit on is an excuse. Girls love receiving attention and you might have not been giving it to her with your gaming and all. Plus she got with you when she was 18-21. 21 is right around when girls start wanting to "experience the world", which is a euphemism for banging other dudes. I don't care how great a guy treats a girl - she wants to experiment, experience, and is going to be more curious about what's out there than f*cking curious george ever was. The worst time to attempt to have a serious relationship with a girl is when she is 21 years old. Yet it is also the best time to have a non-serious relationship if u know what i mean...you'll know in a few years. Basically get out there and have fun and meet as many girls as you can bc it's all downhill from 21 (for meeting girls and havin fun). YOLO
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