CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I'm feel cathartic telling my story. Maybe others will too. My WS was in an EA with an MM. Stupidly I felt I could do nothing about it. I truly believed that she would never let it become a PA. I believed she respected her self more than to do that, especially with a MM. Needless to say I was wrong. To prove to me that she was just keeping it an EA she would let me read her texts. They were very careful for the most part. Then late one night after she was asleep I hear her phone buzzing. I read it. From the MM: Sorry about the preg. Def me? I was so blind sided I could hardly breath. I was dizzy and feeling like I would puke. Gasping for air I shook my WS awake. I showed her the text. She grew pale but regaining her composure and using her best deceptive skills she said, "I can explain. It is not what you think. Give me that phone and I will explain it all in the morning." I said in no uncertain terms that I knew what this meant. She continued to deny and even tried to get me to make love to her. Eventually she just said something to the effect that when morning came and she had a chance to explain I would feel awful about this. Knowing what a consumate liar she had become I was sure she would be able to concoct some line of bull that, while I would not believe it, she would still be able to pretend that she was righteously indigent that I did not believe it. So I pried the phone from her drunken hand and texted back to the MM. From her phone to the MM: Def me??? Then a few seconds later from the MM: are you sure it was me that got you pregnant? She stopped denying it then. Is that what they mean by d day?
2sunny Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Yes. What do you plan to do about it? What consequences has she had?
Furious Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I'm feel cathartic telling my story. Maybe others will too. My WS was in an EA with an MM. Stupidly I felt I could do nothing about it. I truly believed that she would never let it become a PA. I believed she respected her self more than to do that, especially with a MM. Needless to say I was wrong. To prove to me that she was just keeping it an EA she would let me read her texts. They were very careful for the most part. Then late one night after she was asleep I hear her phone buzzing. I read it. From the MM: Sorry about the preg. Def me? I was so blind sided I could hardly breath. I was dizzy and feeling like I would puke. Gasping for air I shook my WS awake. I showed her the text. She grew pale but regaining her composure and using her best deceptive skills she said, "I can explain. It is not what you think. Give me that phone and I will explain it all in the morning." I said in no uncertain terms that I knew what this meant. She continued to deny and even tried to get me to make love to her. Eventually she just said something to the effect that when morning came and she had a chance to explain I would feel awful about this. Knowing what a consumate liar she had become I was sure she would be able to concoct some line of bull that, while I would not believe it, she would still be able to pretend that she was righteously indigent that I did not believe it. So I pried the phone from her drunken hand and texted back to the MM. From her phone to the MM: Def me??? Then a few seconds later from the MM: are you sure it was me that got you pregnant? She stopped denying it then. Is that what they mean by d day? Is your wife pregnant? If so, how far along?
Realist3 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I don't understand how you could be somewhat accepting of an EA, and not expect it to lead to a PA. 1
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Sorry that you're going through this. Find a trusted friend or a family member to help and support you through this and also seek counseling, you may need to go on meds just to keep you calm. Yes, this is D-day and unfortunately yours is bad because now she's pregnant. How long have you and your wife been married? You need to ask yourself if the marriage even worth saving.. Especially if the baby is the MM's. Do you and your wife have children? If so, this just makes everything much more painful and complicated. You were aware of her 'friendship' with him, assumed that they were just good friends, she said nothing was going on physically (I assume she told you something along those lines) and for you not to worry and trust her as she wouldn't ever cheat on you.. Right? 1
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I don't understand how you could be somewhat accepting of an EA, and not expect it to lead to a PA. I doubt very much he knew it was an 'EA', probably more like they were just good friends and she manipulated/lied to him so well to keep how serious it was under wraps.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Yes. What do you plan to do about it? What consequences has she had? It's hard to say what another person is thinking. Especially a cheater. But I think she has great feelings of shame and humiliation. A lot of remorse too, if only for herself. Also, when I told the MM's wife, then she suffered the pain of instant rejection. The MM has gone instantly into NC and stayed there for 4 months now. She is devestated that her "soul mate" her "twin flame" (LMAO!!!) would do this to her.
j'adore Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 It's hard to say what another person is thinking. Especially a cheater. But I think she has great feelings of shame and humiliation. A lot of remorse too, if only for herself. Also, when I told the MM's wife, then she suffered the pain of instant rejection. The MM has gone instantly into NC and stayed there for 4 months now. She is devestated that her "soul mate" her "twin flame" (LMAO!!!) would do this to her. Wow he is a piece of work and texting that, even late at night, what a scumbag. She obviously has been sucked in there. What an awful situation for both of you.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 I don't understand how you could be somewhat accepting of an EA, and not expect it to lead to a PA. Reason number 1: I was stupid. Reason 2: I trusted her completely. I had known her for 14 years. I believed that she loved me. I believed that even when she was single she would never have stooped so low as to have an affair with a married man. I believed that if she ever wanted to leave me she would do it in an honorable way. I believed that she just wanted a male friend to talk to.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Sorry that you're going through this. Find a trusted friend or a family member to help and support you through this and also seek counseling, you may need to go on meds just to keep you calm. Yes, this is D-day and unfortunately yours is bad because now she's pregnant. How long have you and your wife been married? You need to ask yourself if the marriage even worth saving.. Especially if the baby is the MM's. Do you and your wife have children? If so, this just makes everything much more painful and complicated. You were aware of her 'friendship' with him, orry and trust her as she wouldn't ever cheat on you.. Right? I think I have answered a lot of this with my last posts. But yes, I'm in IC. I'm on Rx. We do have children. I do not know if she is truthful with me now but if she is then there is a chance we can reconcile.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Call a lawyer. File for divorce. "Def. her." I have a lawyer and got her one too. I filed. 1
road Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 From the MM: Sorry about the preg. Def me? I was so blind sided I could hardly breath. From her phone to the MM: Def me??? Then a few seconds later from the MM: are you sure it was me that got you pregnant? She stopped denying it then. Is that what they mean by d day? Yes this is a dday. Is WW still pregnant?
meandmyself Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I think I have answered a lot of this with my last posts. But yes, I'm in IC. I'm on Rx. We do have children. I do not know if she is truthful with me now but if she is then there is a chance we can reconcile. 1st- She was planning to leave you 2nd- She is not remorseful (at least is what you said in another posts) 3rd- She got pregnant of MM!!!! 4rd... what is there to savage???
Realist3 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Reason number 1: I was stupid. Reason 2: I trusted her completely. I had known her for 14 years. I believed that she loved me. I believed that even when she was single she would never have stooped so low as to have an affair with a married man. I believed that if she ever wanted to leave me she would do it in an honorable way. I believed that she just wanted a male friend to talk to. Ahhh.. ok. So you thought they were just friends or that is what she led you to believe.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Yes this is a dday. Is WW still pregnant? No she is not. When you don't know who the father is.....
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 1st- She was planning to leave you 2nd- She is not remorseful (at least is what you said in another posts) 3rd- She got pregnant of MM!!!! 4rd... what is there to savage??? 1. So no way to change that? 2. Again, hopeless? I think she has plenty of remorse for what she did. For who she became. Maybe little or none for me Now But with time who knows. 3. Yes. And as of right now I feel like even if she were the most repentant WS in history I would not want her back. And she is not. So I'm not in a good way. I can't see a good way that this can go.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Ahhh.. ok. So you thought they were just friends or that is what she led you to believe. Yep. Fell for that hook line and sinker.
Furious Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Reason number 1: I was stupid. Reason 2: I trusted her completely. I had known her for 14 years. I believed that she loved me. I believed that even when she was single she would never have stooped so low as to have an affair with a married man. I believed that if she ever wanted to leave me she would do it in an honorable way. I believed that she just wanted a male friend to talk to. There's an excellent book titled "Not just friends" by Shirley Glass. I recommend that both you and your wife read it. It's a very insightful and practical understanding of how boundaries become broken and how to avoid breaking them in the future.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 You got her her own lawyer? She needs to learn to fend for herself and stop relying on you. Now follow through with the divorce and don't look back. If you have supported your partner durring the marriage and want a divorce you have to pay for both lawyers or you don't get a divorce.
road Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 No she is not. When you don't know who the father is..... Their is a way to determine paternity before the child is born. Risky to the baby. What was the chance that it was yours? If it wasn't, would of WW agreed to giving up the OC to adoption? How has your WW handled the killing of her unborn child?
Wanderer25 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 If you have supported your partner durring the marriage and want a divorce you have to pay for both lawyers or you don't get a divorce. F*cking leech. Inform her parents and pay for the divorce..As they say, divorces are expensive because they are worth it..
Realist3 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Only a judge can make that determination. Incorrect. If he files for divorce and he is the breadwinner he must provide for her attorney. It is a foregone conclusion. He could take it before a judge but he would not win that battle. Any divorce attorney knows this, which is why he is doing what he is doing.
TheCollector Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Yep. Fell for that hook line and sinker. Yup me too. Then I got to watch my life burn to the ground right in front of me.
Author CantgetoveritNY Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 Regardless of whether it's a foregone conclusion (we know it is), the courts determine if all or part of the legal fees are paid by the other spouse. You are not obligated UNLESS a court orders it. Each spouse typically pays for their own attorney upfront and THEN the courts decide. Of course, you could pay for your spouse's attorney without the court order, but not everyone is "nicey nice" during divorces and won't pay a nickel unless ordered. If you don't play nice the judge will make you pay through the nose. The judge has better things to do than make people play nice in his court. It is best to do what you know the judge will require rather than be dragged into court and make the judge tell you what he wants.
Recommended Posts