Can anyone make sense of this?

[Minadee]

It's 3am where I am, i'm wide awake and shaking like a leaf. Just come off the phone from a very surreal phonecall with the ex.

 

Long story short, 3 years with him, were madly in love, I go through emotional trauma, push him away, he leaves me for another girl, now pregnant with his kid and have no choice but to have LC.

 

He phoned me up and we flirted a lot, he told me he wanted me to come and see him, begged me to get a taxi to where he was so he could hold me. It was like speaking to the guy I fell in love with. He was so calm and I felt happy it was me he was ringing.

 

I told him it was late and if he wanted to talk to me that much he could come here. He changed the subject and we talked about sex, and had brief phone sex. (I know I am weak... I do not need a telling off about this, trust me.) After we er.. finished.. this is where the conversation got weird, this is from memory so some of it might be a little off.. my responses are in italic.

 

I'm going out tomorrow, it's hayley's birthday and she wont take no for answer.. are you out?

You probably wont want to see me out..

Why?

I'll be with someone you wont want to see me with...

Who?

Well who was that guy you were with the other day? (phoned him by accident when I was with Carl. Phone doesn't lock and randomly rings people on my contacts list when in my bag and leaves very long voicemails)

Carl? Just someone I bumped into, a friend if you will, he doesn't mean anything...

Well that's like me, thats who i'll be with.. a friend..

Harriet?

Yeah.

Oh.. well, just... have a good night i guess.

I'm going gym with her tomorrow morning too.

Oh okay.

Yeah.

Please don't get with her infront of me, J.

Well just don't look then else it will hurt you.

I'm a big girl now. I'll be fine. Just don't be a complete c*nt about it.

Well i'll be out with her and a load of others.

Okay...

Im going to bed now, i'll maybe speak to you tomorrow?

Why maybe?

Because I'm going gym with Harriet really early in the morning.

Okay.. well go to bed, i'm worried about you.

I am in bed.

Goodnight... I miss you.

Don't say that.

Why? Don't you miss me at all?

Don't ask me questions you don't want to know the answer to. [x10]

Wow, so after 3 years, all you miss is the sex?

That's not what I meant, just don't ask me, I dont want to hurt you.

Don't you miss the friendship? Talking?

Im happy right now. I'm happy you challenged me. I'm happy at this moment in time.

Well.. i'm happy that you're happy.

Don't say that.

Why?

Because I know you are being sarcastic.

I'm not, I just want you to be happy. You want her and that's fine. Nothing I can do.

Don't say that.

Why? What do you want me to say? I'm fine. I will be fine. I'm fine knowing you're okay.

I am right now.

Okay.. well.. goodnight then J, please take care of yourself.

I will, i'll speak to you tomorrow, okay? Goodnight Jasmin.

I hang up.

 

I asked him if he was drunk and he said no, but i think he was very drunk, as i'm sure he wouldn't be ringing me for phone sex sober.

 

Is this guy phoning me just because he wants to get laid? i'm the mother of his unborn kid, someone i loved unconditionally, someone he wrote songs and poems to. How has it come to this? What the hell does he want? Am i just some backburner incase things with her go wrong? I was doing so so well this week and now i'm just completley numb. I am so confused, this guy is really well and truley f*cking with my head. What the f*ck does he want from me? Am I really looking at him through rose tinted glasses? I know none of you guys can read minds and answer those questions but throughout our relationship he was so wonderful, he was everything I could have dreamed of. We had our issues like everyone else. Has he just turned into a complete monster? Thoughts of him spending time with her are making me ill to the point I don't even want to celebrate my friends birthday because I might see him with her. She doesnt even know i'm pregnant and i know i'd have to say something! I hate this. I was doing so f*cking well....

Edited December 1, 2012 by Minadee

[coffeebean201]

How long were they together before she got pregnant?

[Minadee]

I'm the pregnant one, they are not together (yet) but I know she has met his family.

[coffeebean201]

If she makes him so happy, why is he phoning you for sex, comfort, companionship?

 

If the pregnancy was a surprise, maybe he is being passive aggressive?

 

A baby takes a lot away from a man's contact with his woman.

.............?

[Quest4_TheLost]

I've read your thread.. I thought you were getting an abortion?

Anyway thats beside the point. He sounds to me like he is trying to make you jealous and he was obviously jealous of this carl character.

 

 

From everything I have read he seems really confused. Like he wants to go out and see whats out there but he wants you to wait for him yes the "backburner". I'm not really sure what your looking for at this point. Although we can all give you advice that you refuse to take. We don't read minds or futures. Sure it could all work out for the best. But what happens when he finds the one he wants to be with? Well thats when he is going to cut you out of his life. Your just a comfort blanket to him is the way I see it.

 

Even though he still has feelings for you. If he wanted to be with you he would be with you. There is no hidden code your going to uncover by over anylizing every conversation and meeting you have. If you want to get over him your going to have to cut him out of your life its that simple.

Other then that of course he is playing mind games.. Your chasing him giving him an ego boost. He loves the fact your still at his finger tips and he can make you dance by phone call or a txt.

 

He will continue to do this until he finds somone else..

The truth is at this point the only way I see even you have a real chance at getting him back is to cut contact with him so he knows you won't settle for less than you deserve. You also really need to do it so you can move on. That is really the double edged sword a win/win for you. He either comes back and repairs things or you move on and find your own happiness..

[Minadee]

I've read your thread.. I thought you were getting an abortion?

Anyway thats beside the point. He sounds to me like he is trying to make you jealous and he was obviously jealous of this carl character.

 

 

From everything I have read he seems really confused. Like he wants to go out and see whats out there but he wants you to wait for him yes the "backburner". I'm not really sure what your looking for at this point. Although we can all give you advice that you refuse to take. We don't read minds or futures. Sure it could all work out for the best. But what happens when he finds the one he wants to be with? Well thats when he is going to cut you out of his life. Your just a comfort blanket to him is the way I see it.

 

Even though he still has feelings for you. If he wanted to be with you he would be with you. There is no hidden code your going to uncover by over anylizing every conversation and meeting you have. If you want to get over him your going to have to cut him out of your life its that simple.

Other then that of course he is playing mind games.. Your chasing him giving him an ego boost. He loves the fact your still at his finger tips and he can make you dance by phone call or a txt.

 

He will continue to do this until he finds somone else..

The truth is at this point the only way I see even you have a real chance at getting him back is to cut contact with him so he knows you won't settle for less than you deserve. You also really need to do it so you can move on. That is really the double edged sword a win/win for you. He either comes back and repairs things or you move on and find your own happiness..

 

I am.. I think, it is still something that lingers in my mind. I'm about 80% sure on the termination. But that's another issue I wont bore you with.

 

Thankyou for this post, this has given me strength to go to work with a smile on my face. I know some members here have good intentions but are rather blunt and malicious with their words, and giving my emotional state at this current time, i'm glad you were not too harsh with me.

 

I really am grateful for this post.

 

& Coffeebean, I found out I was pregnant about a week after he left me. He has been supportive but doesn't want to be a father yet.

[YorickBrown]

I'm sorry, but maybe im reading into your situation very wrongly...and Im gonna be a bit forgiving, given your situation and the current situation Im in. But here goes:

 

You are obviously still in-love with the father of your child right? (lets not get too medical) but a life has already began growing inside you correct?

So why are you 80% sure that you're gonna terminate it? (can't say abortion? <--i dont blame you, the word makes me )

 

I'm not going to judge you ethically ok? but for practical reasons, you should consider carrying it to full term. I just feel that the father of your unborn child is "tricking" you to do abort it because he "knows" that you and him will be "forever bonded" if and when that child is born. So if you're still pretty much in love with him...why would you not want to be "forever bonded"? And perhaps, even be back together? I guess, he doesnt want it right? All the more you should keep the baby. Did he promise to get back with you if you "terminate" it? So, just give up the baby for adoption later on, so he'll still go back to you (it'll just be awhile longer perhaps to process the adoption but its basically the same thing --no more baby) Everybody back together and happy.

 

Lastly, speaking from somewhat an "ongoing" experience (which I have yet to confirm)....Fatherhood changes everything...its surreal (at least for me), you never know what he'll "become" once he sees your love-child. Give the baby some hope to live, so that you and him will be given another one too.

 

PS: Just my thoughts....im pretty messed up myself right now about "babies".

[Quest4_TheLost]

Your very welcome..

 

I would like to comment about this abortion aswell.. I had an abortion at a very young age. It really is a heart breaking thing to go through. I do still feel bad about it. But I think it was the right thing to do. I am to selfish to ever consider giving it up for adoption and raising a kid on your own especially so young is a long struggle. Giving it up for adoption will be hurtful aswell..

 

There is no easy answer.. But please do whats best for you instead of listening to the people here who don't agree with you. If you want the baby keep it. I don't care about the other comments about you keeping it to try to get him back. Who cares what these ppl here think. Its your body only you know if you feel you can raise a baby or be a good mother or be strong enough to give it up for adoption or go through with the abortion.

 

As someone that has gone through this myself. I don't regret it. But I was very young. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!! DO NOT LET ANYONE SWAY YOUR DECISION ON WHAT YOU WANT ON THIS!! This is your body your life I don't care if you keep the baby just to try and get him back lol..

In truth no one is ever really ready to be a mother. Even the ones that get pregnant when they're trying. It can be scary..I'm also sure that your MORE emotional at this time about everything because of your hormones. So be kind to yourself!!

Edited December 1, 2012 by Quest4_TheLost

[lemonlime]

Your first post mentioning your pregnancy was October 30th, so you'd be at minimum 8 weeks pregnant. The longer you wait the more complications you can encounter. Have you decided what you want to do?