i'm seeing someone who has a girlfriend of 2 years-that i'm friends with!

[chelsica]

i am involved in a torrid affair that i can't figure out. I am seeing someone who is in a 2 1/2 year relationship. i am friends with the girlfriend and we've hung out. i met her only 2 months after i met jessica...the girl i'm seeing. me and jess mostly are friends, though we had sex once before the gf came, and kissed a couple drunken times. so when the gf, katy, arrived, i was a little aprehensive about meeting her. but i knew what me and jessica had was over. then about a week ago (the gf has been living here now for about 2 1/2 weeks) me and jess hung out, drank and inevitably, hooked up. so the next day we chalked it off to the alchohol. two days later, fri night greets us with more alchohol, and sex. only this time, she stayed the night...that next morning (the gf insisted she not drive home "drunk"--which she was no longer) we spend most the day having more sex and took a stroll round the town. she went home in the afternoon and we all met up later that night...gf and all. we hung out, they dropped me off and then jess called me to say "hi" while she was driving home in her car. then the bootie calls started. the next day she calls me in the morning and says she's stopping in town to get a jamba juice...right down my street. so she stops by and we have sex. then we meet up later at the beach and it's me, jess and her girlfriend. akward as it was, i enjoy hanging out with them cause they're such cool girls. i'm fully aware of the ludicrousness with that statement. when the gf went to take a shower, jess walks over and kisses me. then it's back to me watching them together. i know this is only going to amount a patterned affair...so here i am...stuck between a rock and a hard place...help!

[YellowLioness]

Alrighty, I think it sucks that you are fully aware that someone is in love with her, and you STILL hooked up with this girl multiple times.

 

Seriously, you have to know how much that would hurt you if you were really in love with someone.

 

My advice is to stop having sex with Jess, and to tell her poor girlfriend that the woman she loves has been cheating on her with you.

 

She's going to feel so stupid that she was nice to you and trusted you.

 

Look, seriously, this just isn't cool. Someone needs to tell this poor girl.

[chelsica]

you're right and i seriously feel so terrible. i never ever thougth i'd be in a situation like this...and it's more complicated than i thought. but you are definately right about stopping it. i plan on doing just that. but i feel it's jess's department of telling her. i mean i have only known the gf a couple weeks and i don't feel it's really my business to confront the gf...it all seemed to flow so nicely cause of me and jess's previous encounters. she's so calm and casual about it taht i guess it influenced my demenour. but i know in my heart-and mind-it's absolutely jacked up. thanks

[YellowLioness]

Well, it IS up to Jess to tell her. However, you COULD send her an anonymous e-mail.

 

"I saw your girlfriend and some other girl walking together. Thought you should know. PEACE."

 

BTW, if Jess has messed with you, how many other chicks is she messing with? Oh gross...watch what you put your mouth on.

[chelsica]

i'm 99% sure she hasn't cheated. me and jess really like eachotehr and on a perfect universe we'd be engaged. this is the only reason why i haven't cut ties yet. but i know it is crazy to think anything will change. i mean, she doesn't want to rock the boat, though she told me her gf is not "the one." i feel confused. and yes, i could very well be decieved and she could be swindling affairs left and right. but everything inside me tells me no. but as far as an anonymous letter goes, i just couldn't do that to jess. i like her gf, but i care entirely too much for jess to destroy her relationship. i know you're thinking, too late, but essentially all is the same, i am ok if she decides to keep her gf, rather i would refrain from seeing her, of course. and they can be on their merry way. right? i'm an idealist. i think sometimes it only matters what's in the heart. if jess wants me, she should break up with katy and be with me. otherwise, she needs to decide what she wants and go about it the right way. i have no risk, i'm single, yet now i'm involved on a more horrible level because katy considers me a friend in a new town. i think i'm gonna disconnect from them for a while, let jess marinate the issue.

[YellowLioness]

why does jess stay if this girl "isn't the one?"

 

Why doesn't she just leave and date you?

[YellowLioness]

i'm 99% sure she hasn't cheated.

 

Yes, she did cheat. And you DON"T know if you're the only one she's messing around with.

 

Think about it. WHY would she NOT cheat on you? SHe would not tell you if she did.

[chelsica]

cause she's chicken s*** and i'm too nice to push her. i'm pretty much a bachelor-type, moving from unavailble girl to the next...not my proudest moment, but i've been hurt so many times that i think i go for the unlikely situations. but i think i screwed myself in this scenario, cause i really like her. but i'm fighting it, for obvious reasons. i really think they have a good thing going too, from what i see. so it sucks. basically, she says "what i want is different from reality," implying to me that she wants me, but the reality is, katy won't have it. see, katy just moved down here FOR HER and already jess tried to break up with her after our first hook-up, and katy freaked out and jess caved. so she's teetering to make everyone happy it sounds like. including herself.

[chelsica]

we're not together so i could care less if she's cheated with others. we're very open people and she knows we both stumbled into this, knocking down everyday morals. it's not like people grow up saying, i want to be a cheater...unless she's pyschologically impared in terms of split personalities, alongside the odds of my cat building a spaceship, she'd tell me the low down. truth is, i'm the only one she's cheated on her gf with. and if i wasn't it doesn't matter to me. in fact it makes the situation more copable, in some ways. cause then i don't have to address my emotions or worry about a dramatic breakup between them. i can run. like a coward.

but i really am leaving it up to her. stay or go, i'm not gonna force any decision, but i am gonna stop seeing her. that's one thing i am sure of.