meandmyself Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 If what you want is a serious date: 1- Be sure your personal hygiene is perfect... not a joke! this is a major turn off for any girl. 2- Don't try to over do it... here simplicity is the key 3- Your physical appeal it is very important so make sure you are dressed for the occasion 4- Women like men with self confidence but again don't overdue it... it is a thin line between self confidence and arrogance... 5- Be caring, is good that you have something to say but make sure you allow her to speak as well and you show her interest 6- Try to enjoy yourself, if you are enjoying most people will feel the good energy. If what you are looking is a casual sex date... I am sorry that is not my area, let someone else take it from here...
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 If what you want is a serious date: 1- Be sure your personal hygiene is perfect... not a joke! this is a major turn off for any girl. 2- Don't try to over do it... here simplicity is the key 3- Your physical appeal it is very important so make sure you are dressed for the occasion 4- Women like men with self confidence but again don't overdue it... it is a thin line between self confidence and arrogance... 5- Be caring, is good that you have something to say but make sure you allow her to speak as well and you show her interest 6- Try to enjoy yourself, if you are enjoying most people will feel the good energy. If what you are looking is a casual sex date... I am sorry that is not my area, let someone else take it from here... Well, I want something serious enough. I'm not looking to get married tomorrow or anything like that, but I'm not looking for casual sex or anything either. Anyway: 1. What is "perfect hygiene"? I'm guessing make sure you wear deodorant, wear nice cologne, brush your teeth (plus floss and mouthwash) and have taken a shower. Am I missing anything? 2. Sounds fairly straightforward. 3. I think I understand what this means now. Especially after reading my thread about dressing well. 4. That's going to tough. Self confidence is something that isn't exactly easy for me. Especially for dating. 5 and 6 sound easy enough. If some of my questions sound dumb, it's only because I really want to make sure I'm not missing anything. I'm trying to start from scratch and either learn or re-learn everything I probably should know already...
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Another question: how much should I reconsider my "no drinking" policy? I'm a complete teetotaler and while it hasn't been a handicap socially to me at all thus far in life, I do understand that quite a few people do drink alcohol. Is being a teetotaler going to hurt me that much?
dasein Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 It will hurt a bit, but it's not a great big deal. Learn to love club soda with lime.
jcrew11 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Go to a yoga class, they are filled with women. Even if you strike out, you can makes some new female friends who might help you find dates. You kiss usually by the 3rd date. But you can just "hang out" as freinds for coffee or whatever, without having to ask a girl to "dinner" if you think she will turn you down. Just work on getting to know some women and becoming platonic friends. Cooking classes and wine tasting are also low-pressure fun activities to meet women. -where does one meet women? And, once in such a place where women are present what exactly does one do? -what is the normal level of escalation? A kiss on the first date? Can you hold hands (if so how)? What level of physical proximity is usually appropriate if both parties are receptive? -how does one become "exclusive"? Does an awkward conversation ensue or is it automatic after a certain time period? -what are good ideas for first dates? -if one must use online dating, what is the appropriate process? Ask them out after 2 messages? 3? How exactly is OLD supposed to work? Maybe I'll think of more but these are good to start. Obviously some of these may be subjective but I want to hear subjective answers alongside the objective ones. I want information and wisdom.
jcrew11 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Another question: how much should I reconsider my "no drinking" policy? I'm a complete teetotaler and while it hasn't been a handicap socially to me at all thus far in life, I do understand that quite a few people do drink alcohol. Is being a teetotaler going to hurt me that much? Say you are a vegan, vegetarian, or other health nut that abstains from alcohol. Or that you are training for a marathon or triathlon.
meandmyself Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Well, I want something serious enough. I'm not looking to get married tomorrow or anything like that, but I'm not looking for casual sex or anything either. Anyway: 1. What is "perfect hygiene"? I'm guessing make sure you wear deodorant, wear nice cologne, brush your teeth (plus floss and mouthwash) and have taken a shower. Am I missing anything? 2. Sounds fairly straightforward. 3. I think I understand what this means now. Especially after reading my thread about dressing well. 4. That's going to tough. Self confidence is something that isn't exactly easy for me. Especially for dating. 5 and 6 sound easy enough. If some of my questions sound dumb, it's only because I really want to make sure I'm not missing anything. I'm trying to start from scratch and either learn or re-learn everything I probably should know already... 1- Yes, all that plus make sure your hair looks great plus make sure your nails look good too (Men don't look that much to those details but women do) + make sure you have mints or something like that at hand... bad breath is also a turn off! 2- Yes, but is key. Keep it simple! 3 - It is not only about what kind or clothes you use but also how do you wear them. If you have a friend in the "hot women world" she would be very useful to help you on that one. 4- While is not key... it really helps if you show some self confidence... if you don't trust yourself you can't ask anyone to do so... Edited December 2, 2012 by meandmyself
meandmyself Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) Another question: how much should I reconsider my "no drinking" policy? I'm a complete teetotaler and while it hasn't been a handicap socially to me at all thus far in life, I do understand that quite a few people do drink alcohol. Is being a teetotaler going to hurt me that much? If you show them that you can be fun without drinking it should not be a problem... there will be women who would not like your not drinking but for others that could be a turn on (some women really like men with self control!) When I was dating, I used to casual drink a couple of mixes in the whole night when maximum, that never was a problem for me to get a date! don't make a point about it, just drink what ever you feel comfortable drinking and have fun! It is not about what you don't do... it is more about what you actually do Edited December 2, 2012 by meandmyself 1
jcrew11 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 You'll have better success in getting dates if you try the "direct flirtation approach" Remember, you are "flirting to practice flirting" - you are not trying to get the woman in bed. You are flirting to make the woman smile, laugh, or feel better about herself or her day. This is how you flirt - smile, laugh, joke, compliment her appearance or dress or style or clothing. After practice flirting for a few weeks/months, you will see that some women want to progress the relationship to physical intimacy or kissing.
meandmyself Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 By the way, you won't get dates by pity, so avoid the self degradation comments (like I have never kissed a girl before, etc) This will never bring you further!
Taramere Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 (edited) So I've decided that I've reached a point in my life where I'm sufficiently dissatisfied enough to want to give this dating thing a relatively honest try. I'm still a pessimist, but at least if I try hard enough I can have more evidence to bolster my case for pessimism. As background for people unaware (not likely but anyway): I'm am almost 25 years old and I've never kissed a girl, etc. The last date I went on was February 2011. Every girl I've been interested in has ended up running for the hills as soon as I expressed that interest. No one has ever reciprocated interest or expressed interest in me without my reciprocation. So, questions (for the purposes of this thread, pretend I'm a martian who has never been to earth and explain things in detail to me in ways I can understand): -where does one meet women? And, once in such a place where women are present what exactly does one do? -what is the normal level of escalation? A kiss on the first date? Can you hold hands (if so how)? What level of physical proximity is usually appropriate if both parties are receptive? -how does one become "exclusive"? Does an awkward conversation ensue or is it automatic after a certain time period? -what are good ideas for first dates? -if one must use online dating, what is the appropriate process? Ask them out after 2 messages? 3? How exactly is OLD supposed to work? Maybe I'll think of more but these are good to start. Obviously some of these may be subjective but I want to hear subjective answers alongside the objective ones. I want information and wisdom. The thing about you, 49, is that online at least you come across as fairly well sussed in what constitutes good social skills and an interesting person with a lot to contribute. It's a surprise to learn that you have these difficulties with women...and I can only assume that it has less to do with lack of social knowledge, more to do with lack of confidence and (perhaps) physical discomfort around women that stops you from being yourself. As far as approaching women in supermarkets goes, if you already find it awkward and difficult to speak to women then it's had to imagine that going very well. Context counts, though. If I go to a bigger supermarket, it's highly unlikely that I'll speak to anybody other than the shop assistant. In the local corner shop, though, it's more likely that a conversation involving the assistant and everybody in the shop will happen. Generally speaking - large and anonymous environments = awkward conversations. Small establishments, conversation will flow far more freely. Transitioning from making friendly chit chat with women to actually asking them out...well, I think that scribbling your number on a piece of paper and inviting them to call you is a good one. That way you're demonstrating interest, but giving the woman time to think about it. that thinking time is important. I've very rarely been instantly interested in a guy, because it's just a fact that the initial response to being hit on by a stranger is for a protective shield to go up. Not that it happens here (UK) very often, but on the Continent it happens a lot, and the automatic response tends to be a feeling of "scam artist...how do I get away from this guy?" One thing that can help to spark up interest is when two women are talking about a man. Especially if it's along the lines of "X is interested in you. He's a lovely guy..." You can ask a female friend to pass on that good word for you, then leave it for a week or so, and then chance to bump into them while they're out for coffee. Make conversation for five minutes or so, leave and then phone up the woman and ask her out either later that day or the next day. It's about ensuring there are those little intervals (but not leaving it too long, otherwise even if she is interested she'll likely go off the boil). Those intervals between showing some interest and actually asking her out give her time to think about you and, hopefully, to build up some interest in you. But just walking up to a strange woman in the meat counter at a supermarket and delivering a line in the hope that she'll go out with you isn't likely to work and might well get you a response that would knock your confidence badly. Edited December 2, 2012 by Taramere
KathyM Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 -where does one meet women? In school, at work, through friends and relatives, at parties, through OLD, at church or other functions, through hobbies and interests, randomly out in public, through singles events, just to name a few. And, once in such a place where women are present what exactly does one do? Depends on where you are, but basically, strike up a conversation, and then ask them out or ask for their phone number. -what is the normal level of escalation? A kiss on the first date? Can you hold hands (if so how)? What level of physical proximity is usually appropriate if both parties are receptive? Show warmth and interest, and then a hug and kiss on the lips at the end of the first date. -how does one become "exclusive"? Does an awkward conversation ensue or is it automatic after a certain time period? After you've dated for awhile and you believe this is someone of value that you would be interested in exclusively dating, then you tell her you would like to make your relationship exclusive and bring it to the next level. -what are good ideas for first dates? If she is a stranger you met online through a dating website, then good places for a first date would be meeting at a scenic place to go for a walk. Going for a bike ride and stopping to talk along the way. (Be sure to bring snacks and drinks for the trip, or plan to buy some along the way). If it's someone you've already met or were introduced by reliable sources, you could take her for some activity, such as ice skating, a trip to the beach, biking, a sporting event, dancing, or a special event in town. Dinner and a movie is a little too ordinary. You want to make a good first impression, and appear to be creative and interesting, fun and active, so I would stick with those types of things for a first date. Fun and active, or a spectator sport. -if one must use online dating, what is the appropriate process? Ask them out after 2 messages? 3? How exactly is OLD supposed to work? Send an initial Email showing interest and invite her to meet you on the first Email. Try to avoid getting into several Emails back and forth before showing interest in meeting. Ask for the meet up on the first Email at the end of the Email. Maybe I'll think of more but these are good to start. Obviously some of these may be subjective but I want to hear subjective answers alongside the objective ones. I want information and wisdom. I think most women prefer the direct approach. It shows confidence and interest. Beating around the bush and waiting too long to take action is frustrating for women. They like a man who is confident and direct. 1
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 The thing about you, 49, is that online at least you come across as fairly well sussed in what constitutes good social skills and an interesting person with a lot to contribute. It's a surprise to learn that you have these difficulties with women...and I can only assume that it has less to do with lack of social knowledge, more to do with lack of confidence and (perhaps) physical discomfort around women that stops you from being yourself. Yeah, I would guess that's a big part of it. I think some of the lack of confidence stems from the number of times I've expressed interest in a woman only to have her avoid me afterwards. I'm not saying everyone I'm interested in has to be interested in me, but I've never got the idea that these women were genuinely flattered by my interest. More like creeped out. So, you kind of learn to stifle some of your feelings. Not because you're scared of being rejected, but rather because you like spending time with that person and you don't want to risk not spending any time at all because you've made things awkward. I don't know, it's a tough thing to learn I guess. This goes a little bit back to ideas about showing interest early in an interaction. That's always been difficult for me. I'm not someone whose primary attraction is based on somebody's physical attractiveness. I mean yeah sure, being attractive is good and all, but I'm not going to want to sleep with someone just because they're good looking. Personality is what primarily interests me. I'm weird like that I guess. So I don't express interest early on, not because I'm "afraid of rejection" but merely because I'm not sure if I'm interested. And by the time I am it's usually too late.
lino Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I would avoid solely trying to meet women randomly in public places. I believe meeting girls through friends and relatives is best... That's how I've met all the women I've been involved with. What to say to then isn't so important. Just make your interest known and arrange to be with them one on one at some point. 99.9 % of women will expect you to kiss them on the 1st date. If you don't, they'll perceive you to be a Pansy and likely give you the 'no spark', 'let's be friends', etc. Touch them and get close to them at some point too. Holding hands is OK imo, I've never had a bad reaction to it. I've never had the exclusive talk myself and don't believe in it. I think in America it might be necessary though. What I do is find out early on if she is seeing/kissing/sleeping with anyone else. If so, adios... Enjoy the other bloke(s), i don't share women. If I'm going out with a girl it's me that she's seeing and me only. I hold myself to that same standard also. In these modern times, many 1st dates aren't followed by 2nd dates and women still expect men to pay so do something that's free or cheap. I've always thought fish and chips at the beach is a good idea. Once you know her interest is genuine then you can spend more cash. With my current girlfriend, we went for a bicycle ride on our first date Dinner at an expensive restaurant is a big no no imo. Never used online dating so can't help with that but from what I've heard it's full of attention whores so maybe it's not so worthwhile. Hope some of that helps you
jcrew11 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Yeah, I would guess that's a big part of it. I think some of the lack of confidence stems from the number of times I've expressed interest in a woman only to have her avoid me afterwards. I'm not saying everyone I'm interested in has to be interested in me, but I've never got the idea that these women were genuinely flattered by my interest. More like creeped out. So, you kind of learn to stifle some of your feelings. Not because you're scared of being rejected, but rather because you like spending time with that person and you don't want to risk not spending any time at all because you've made things awkward. I don't know, it's a tough thing to learn I guess. This goes a little bit back to ideas about showing interest early in an interaction. That's always been difficult for me. I'm not someone whose primary attraction is based on somebody's physical attractiveness. I mean yeah sure, being attractive is good and all, but I'm not going to want to sleep with someone just because they're good looking. Personality is what primarily interests me. I'm weird like that I guess. So I don't express interest early on, not because I'm "afraid of rejection" but merely because I'm not sure if I'm interested. And by the time I am it's usually too late. You may be choosing women who are "really pretty or way out of your league at the moment." If you've never had a date at 25, I'm guessing that your "appearance is really unattractive" - or your personality is lame. Having a good, friendly, positive, upbeat personality goes a long way. Are you funny, laughing all the time, have some jokes? Or are you depressed, a loner, and rude to people? First, you should improve your appearance, at least to look like a "normal professional guy." Get a nice haircut, use hair gel everyday, shave or style your facial hair, workout or go running to slim down. Buy some nicer clothes. Buy a nice suit if you don't have one. Wear a shirt and tie if you go out to nice places, even if you are the only one, because girls will compliment you on your nice attire.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 You may be choosing women who are "really pretty or way out of your league at the moment." If you've never had a date at 25, I'm guessing that your "appearance is really unattractive" - or your personality is lame. Having a good, friendly, positive, upbeat personality goes a long way. Are you funny, laughing all the time, have some jokes? Or are you depressed, a loner, and rude to people? First, you should improve your appearance, at least to look like a "normal professional guy." Get a nice haircut, use hair gel everyday, shave or style your facial hair, workout or go running to slim down. Buy some nicer clothes. Buy a nice suit if you don't have one. Wear a shirt and tie if you go out to nice places, even if you are the only one, because girls will compliment you on your nice attire. Maybe. I have no idea though. The last time I thought I was pursuing a girl "way out of my league" I was in high school and the girl was the most aesthetically attractive woman I have ever met. The only reason I asked for her number was because in home room she kept staring at me or stealing glances, etc. Or at least I thought she was. It turned out that she wasn't an attractive person though. which I learned after a few phone conversations with her. But anyway. I have no idea what my "league" is. I'd say I'm an attractive enough person but I don't know how that translates in terms of women. I have had dates (not a lot but some) just never kissed or been in a relationship.
bac Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 For example, let's say I'm in the grocery store and I see a girl I might like. Do I go and talk to her? What would I say? Or is the "meet cute" at the grocery store just a movie myth? Picking up girls is easy. All you need is to focus your attention on their minds (not on their sexy bodies) to figure out who they are, what they want and what their thoughts. Girls are not objects and every girl is different. You can pick up girls everywhere including the stores. The point is that you should choose only girls who want to be picked up there and by you. The same thing is about kissing and everything else that you want to do with girls. For example, you should kiss on the first date only girls who want to be kissed on the first date. Therefore, all you need is to be able to read thoughts of a girl who you are after. In other words, the best way to get what you want is to use your brains more effectively and more often. And, the worst way is to focus on sex and genitalia.
jcrew11 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Maybe. I have no idea though. The last time I thought I was pursuing a girl "way out of my league" I was in high school and the girl was the most aesthetically attractive woman I have ever met. The only reason I asked for her number was because in home room she kept staring at me or stealing glances, etc. Or at least I thought she was. It turned out that she wasn't an attractive person though. which I learned after a few phone conversations with her. But anyway. I have no idea what my "league" is. I'd say I'm an attractive enough person but I don't know how that translates in terms of women. I have had dates (not a lot but some) just never kissed or been in a relationship. If you want some dating experience, just date a "slump buster" which is an average-looking or un-attractive girl that won't turn you down. You don't necessarily have to kiss her or have sex with her, but you can flirt with her, gain some confidence, and figure out how flirting works and what doesn't work. Most men date or have sex with women they don't even "like either physically or in personality." That is why people break up, cuz you eventually get sick of the person and were with them only for the sex. If you want monogamy, join the Catholic church and have the priest set you up with some single women. It sounds like you have conservative relationship ideals, and don't want to be a player. Go to church and I'm sure you'll meet a nice woman. Or join a yoga class or work at Lululemon.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 If you want some dating experience, just date a "slump buster" which is an average-looking or un-attractive girl that won't turn you down. You don't necessarily have to kiss her or have sex with her, but you can flirt with her, gain some confidence, and figure out how flirting works and what doesn't work. Two things: 1) I'm not convinced that such a person would want to go out with me either. 2) The idea of dating someone I don't like at all or barely like doesn't sound appealing to me. I'd rather stay single and miserable than with someone else and miserable. If those were indeed my only choices. Most men date or have sex with women they don't even "like either physically or in personality." That is why people break up, cuz you eventually get sick of the person and were with them only for the sex. Then what's the point? I can accept that people eventually grow tired of each other or that they have differences that make the relationship untenable or even that people change and thus couples break up. But the idea of dating somebody you don't like just for sex? Or even just to have a warm body in your life? I just couldn't do it. If you want monogamy, join the Catholic church and have the priest set you up with some single women. It sounds like you have conservative relationship ideals, and don't want to be a player. Go to church and I'm sure you'll meet a nice woman. Or join a yoga class or work at Lululemon. I don't even know what "conservative social values" even are. To some that means no sex until marriage, to some that means no sex until a commitment of some kind or even no sex except as "baby making". I suppose in some ways I strike people as a prude but I don't know, I don't think I am. There has to be other ways of finding a monogamous partner beyond just going to church.
jcrew11 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Are you just making excuses or is something else going on with your life? If you are not sexually interested in women, maybe you are asexual or metrosexual or bisexual. Some people hit the age of 30 and realize they prefer a same sex relationship. There may not be a "perfect woman for you out there" but "good enough." You may like her looks or her personality, but relationships also take time, and its never "love at first sight." In fact, you may "hate the person at first" but as you get to know start falling in love. Just try talking and approaching as many women as possible, for five minute conversations. You'll eventually meet a girl who will want to talk to you longer. Go to church to meet people. You don't have to be a religious fanatic. Most people are sinners and then they repent at confession. But women go to church with their mothers because they hate meeting skeevy men at bars. Just wait until you are 40 and you'll get married in a church. Two things: 1) I'm not convinced that such a person would want to go out with me either. 2) The idea of dating someone I don't like at all or barely like doesn't sound appealing to me. I'd rather stay single and miserable than with someone else and miserable. If those were indeed my only choices. Then what's the point? I can accept that people eventually grow tired of each other or that they have differences that make the relationship untenable or even that people change and thus couples break up. But the idea of dating somebody you don't like just for sex? Or even just to have a warm body in your life? I just couldn't do it. I don't even know what "conservative social values" even are. To some that means no sex until marriage, to some that means no sex until a commitment of some kind or even no sex except as "baby making". I suppose in some ways I strike people as a prude but I don't know, I don't think I am. There has to be other ways of finding a monogamous partner beyond just going to church.
tman666 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 There has to be other ways of finding a monogamous partner beyond just going to church. There are... I think the trick is finding a woman who is looking for the same things you are. Yes, some might be church-goers, but there are plenty of girls from all spectrum of values that want monogamous relationships. It's not like your only choices are "play the nightclub scene" or "join a parish". That's just baloney. The trick is to go out and seek co-ed social activities that interest you. You will meet women who have a common thread of interest, which is allows for easy initial "get to know each other" conversation. Expanding your social circle and aligning it with your interests will help weed out some of the people that you'd have a slim chance of meshing with anyway.
jcrew11 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 If you're not interested in going where women are like yoga class, church, or farmers markets, you're just making life harder for yourself. Just go back to playing video games, and trying to meet fake women on world of warcraft. I think your problem is that you have no confidence, perhaps with women or other people. I'm guessing your personality sucks and you are annoying or depressing to be around. Try smiling a lot, try being funnier, make jokes a lot. Be a little bit louder and more assertive about your opinions, your interests, and your hobbies. Develop some new hobbies that women also like. Your problem is that you don't know how to create attraction with women. Try reading "50 shades of grey" to become the suave, sensual guy of her dreams. Try spending more time around women or helping women out at senior centers, hospital volunteering, homeless shelters.
jcrew11 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I think you have a "snob" factor going on, where you think you are too good for "ugly women"; and you also want to have high standards as an excuse from rejection of any and all women. You can't be a snob your whole life. You have to take some risks, and an "ugly girl" may have a great personality who "gets you and completes you, and makes you happy." If you live by yourself, you may find dating a girl who is an amazing cook, really improves your quality of life, and you can't live without her. I think you are a "lazy person" who has been rejected a few times and doesn't want to try with women or put yourself out there again. Aside from meeting Anime fans and RPG girls online, you have no other hobbies that interest women. You're not going to meet any women if you don't expand your options or become open to meeting new people. Two things: 1) I'm not convinced that such a person would want to go out with me either. 2) The idea of dating someone I don't like at all or barely like doesn't sound appealing to me. I'd rather stay single and miserable than with someone else and miserable. If those were indeed my only choices. Then what's the point? I can accept that people eventually grow tired of each other or that they have differences that make the relationship untenable or even that people change and thus couples break up. But the idea of dating somebody you don't like just for sex? Or even just to have a warm body in your life? I just couldn't do it. I don't even know what "conservative social values" even are. To some that means no sex until marriage, to some that means no sex until a commitment of some kind or even no sex except as "baby making". I suppose in some ways I strike people as a prude but I don't know, I don't think I am. There has to be other ways of finding a monogamous partner beyond just going to church.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 If you're not interested in going where women are like yoga class, church, or farmers markets, you're just making life harder for yourself. Just go back to playing video games, and trying to meet fake women on world of warcraft. I think your problem is that you have no confidence, perhaps with women or other people. I'm guessing your personality sucks and you are annoying or depressing to be around. Try smiling a lot, try being funnier, make jokes a lot. Be a little bit louder and more assertive about your opinions, your interests, and your hobbies. Develop some new hobbies that women also like. Your problem is that you don't know how to create attraction with women. Try reading "50 shades of grey" to become the suave, sensual guy of her dreams. Try spending more time around women or helping women out at senior centers, hospital volunteering, homeless shelters. I never said I wasn't interested in these things. I merely asked questions about them. Raised some concerns. Most importantly, I want to learn. I've gotten quite a few good ideas in this thread and I plan on using them. I think you have a "snob" factor going on, where you think you are too good for "ugly women"; and you also want to have high standards as an excuse from rejection of any and all women. You can't be a snob your whole life. You have to take some risks, and an "ugly girl" may have a great personality who "gets you and completes you, and makes you happy." If you live by yourself, you may find dating a girl who is an amazing cook, really improves your quality of life, and you can't live without her. *sigh* I don't think I'm "better" than anyone. It sounded like you suggested I date someone I didn't like looks wise or personality wise, in other words someone I was not attracted to in any way (physically or mentally). I said I couldn't do that. I still think that way. As for whether my standards are "too high", I mean several women I found attractive over the years were women my brother or my friends weren't all that crazy over. So take that as you may. I think you are a "lazy person" who has been rejected a few times and doesn't want to try with women or put yourself out there again. Aside from meeting Anime fans and RPG girls online, you have no other hobbies that interest women. You're not going to meet any women if you don't expand your options or become open to meeting new people. I am still a little stung over the last girl I "dated". I know I should be over her after not seeing her in over 2 years. But, I still have feelings for her. It sucks. As far as "hobbies" go: I am not nor have I ever been, into anime or RPG. My hobbies are fairly typical: sports, reading, going to concerts, etc. I might have some academic interests like praxeology and obscure political theory but I have no idea where you got it in your head that I was some kind of a nerd burger. If you ever saw me you'd probably guess I was a meat head jock...
Nightsky Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I've thrown this suggestion out before but here it goes again... either A) come vacation in FL or B) fly me out to where you live and put me up in a hotel for a week. I will push you to do the very simple things you need to do to get a gf! Really you can't learn this stuff simply by asking for advice, especially not over the internet. You have to learn it for yourself by doing. Maybe you're a normal guy who just was unlucky and never had luck early on in HS or college so became really scared and awkward. Maybe you have some kind of mental hang up... Doesn't matter. It's as easy as this. Where do you meet women... ANY WHERE. Be like a bird watcher. If you notice hot girls in your area all go to the mall and work there etc... than thats where you meet them. They'll be every where from book stores to 5k running events etc. etc. You just be scientific about it and you'll figure out that the women in your town are all over. Feel free to drive as much as an hour away if you have too. Next what do you do. Be aggressive and hit on them. What ever feels or sounds good to you. Some rules of thumb I use is the bolder the better! Next ask them out. If they say no you can always ask them out again some other time should the opportunity present itself. Girls actually get turned on by that kind of thing when not freaked out. Don't you dare even worry about making a girl scared, uncomfortable, or angry etc. IT happens and you can't avoid it. In fact by trying not to be weird or what ever you'll just creep them out more probably. So just be yourself and have no shame. When on the date it's important you make moves. You maybe touch them. Go for that kiss at the end of the date. Be flirty and have good time. You can't make her have a good time, but you yourself should have a good time. Okay thats all of it. The most important thing is just going out there and doing instead of just asking "what do I do?" "where do I meet girls" get it? Oh and yeah consider using me as your Hitch I think it would be hilarious. Maybe I'll put an add up on craigslist for people in my area needing the services of a "Hitch" type magical dating guru. Remember the trick is there is not trick. You just go out there and be a bold bastard! I'll make you cry if we meet because I will make you talk to the hotties and act! some how some way.
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