This girl is driving me nuts

[RyderG]

Brace yourselves for a text wall:

 

 

Ok, so I met this girl in summer. She hangs out with all of my friends and we started talking since around September. We became pretty good friends, but we always seem to text each other once we all go home and stuff. She drinks but I dont. Like when all my friends hang out and drink, I still go but I just hate alcohol. So one night we were all at my friends having a good time and she sat on my lap, and we held hands for like half hour. Everything seemed to be going well at this point in time. Her older sister hangs out with us too, and they are really close, like best friends. So basically I texted her sister like "hey is (girls name) someone who likes to date?" and she said "oh yeah definitely, she doesnt just hook up with guys, she dates them." and I was like "ok cool, I was gonna plan on asking her to be my girlfriend." and she said "Thats awesome, she told me she likes you, let me know if you want me to help plan it, etc." Everything was fine. We're all good friends. The girl is at college by the way, a freshman. So she's not always home, but she comes home a lot. It seemed like the week before I was planning on asking her out, she wasn't acting as close. I had to start the texting conversations and stuff.

 

Anyways, over Thanksgiving break, she came home and I asked her out. She said that when she has a boyfriend she wants to be able to see them whenever she wants and since shes away at college that she doesn't wanna go through that. I wasn't really mad, I was just a upset. but I said ok and played it off like it was no biggie. I was like "I understand, dont worry about it. I wont make anything awkward." and she was like "ok." So after that, i saw her the next day and it was awkward for like 15 minutes then I started talking to her about normal stuff, and whatever and it was fine by the end of the night. Anyways, I texted her the day before she was going back and was like "hey when I see you tonight can i just talk to you for a minute" (we all planned to hang out that night.) shes like "okay sure". So we went to my friends, everyone was drinking. But she seemed fine. She was drinking but she seemed sober because she never acts like sloppy or anything. she can handle her alcohol. So she was going to leave and I was like can I get a ride? shes like yeah sure.

 

So we get in the car and when were almost at my house shes like "so what do you need to talk about" and I was like "okay I know you dont wanna date, but do you even see me like that? I just wanna know" and she said she did like me more than a friend. So i got happy and was like okay cool. She then started to talking about why she didnt wanna date while she was away cause shes done it before and didnt like it, and was saying how she'd miss me too much and i was "making her heart hurt just talking about it" so I was thinking "oh wow, she's into me if I'm making her heart hurt, sweet" so before I got out of the car I was thinking "eff it" so I asked her "can i kiss you?" She smiled and nodded her head yes, so we kissed for like 20 seconds. but earlier that night I had one beer because I was like "dare me to drink one?" and she was like "yeah! you never drink! do it!" so I did it for fun, but ended up throwing up the beer 30 mins later and she was in the bathroom while i puked. It was funny and everything, cause all my friends were like "oh eff he puked!" hahaha, i dont get embarrassed. But after like 20 seconds while we were kissing she stopped and was like "wait...did you ever wash your mouth out" I started to laugh and was like "uhh...I did not..." then shes like "eew just that thought is gross" but she was laughing and so was I, so I thought that it wasnt a big deal. I was like ok one more kiss? shes like "closed mouthed this time!" so I kissed her on the lips and went into my house. shes like "ill text you later tonight" which she did. I told her she made my night and she just said "haha good"

 

Then the next day I text her at like 4pm saying something related to me not being able to drink beer and she was like "I...dont wanna think about that" and I was like "cmon its funny" and shes like "maybe to you" and I was like "jeez you dont wanna talk about this do you?" and shes like "Uhh I prefer not to.." Just everything she said came off so bitchy. I was thinking she meant the taste when I kissed her was bad so I was like "I was just trying to make a joke, sorry ill stop" and she texted back like "no its ok, im just being crabby, im packing to go back to school, sorry" so i was like just text me later then if youre busy. She never did. I texted her the next day just about normal stuff as always. But it turns out my friend told me she was really drunk that night and she was surprised she drove. I was like "no way she drove fine and seemed fine." So I text her yesterday (the kiss happened last saturday) and I told her I thought she was sober and I wouldnt of asked her to kiss if I knew she was drunk (or get in the car for that matter) because I was sober and thats not right and I asked if she regretted being kissed (through text, she's back at college). She said she was drunk and she felt like crap the next day because she drove me home drunk and said she was really sorry for it. and then said this (about the kiss): "I'm not sure..cause idk if i wouldve if i was sober bc I dont want to ruin our friendship.. idk" then I replied "thats the other thing...I also asked if you liked me more than a friend and you said yes so Idk if you meant that then either since you werent sober, and i dont think that'd necessarily ruin our friendship" and after that she never texted me back. its been a day and when its that long, thats when you know she wont respond. That got me thinking back to what she said when she was drunk about "hurting my heart" is that just stupid drunk talk? or do people mean what they say when drunk? cause I've never been drunk personally (yes i know shocking haha).

 

 

So what the heck do I do? I'm guessing just don't text her until she texts me? My 20th birthday is in 4 hours, so if she texts me "happy birthday" I was planning on just a simple "thank you!" generic text. But if she doesnt, do I still not text her? Or do I text her something "final" in a way, before not texting her? I really like her and this crap is confusing me and getting my emotions twisted up. Her sister told me she liked me, and she wouldnt just lie about that, I know her. so what gives? I feel like I'm annoying her when I text her too. and she's part of our friend group so should I politely ignore her when we all hang out? she'll be back in 2 weeks, so should I like not pay attention but not in a dick way of course. If she talks to me, ill talk to her back but not like sit by her or anything. would that be good too?

 

I feel a lot happier after typing all of this out because I can vent. but please I need advice guys.

Edited December 1, 2012 by RyderG

[ja123]

Always wash your mouth out after puking. And don't talk about your having puked to the girl and insist that it's funny when she doesn't want to talk about it. It shows you're insecure and trying to do retroactive damage control by making jokes about it. But you get peeved that she doesn't think it's funny, too; yet, you keep the topic going to try to force to agree with you (even if it's a hollow lie) to make your insecurities go away. Best thing to do is to learn from this.

[RyderG]

Always wash your mouth out after puking. And don't talk about your having puked to the girl and insist that it's funny when she doesn't want to talk about it. It shows you're insecure and trying to do retroactive damage control by making jokes about it. But you get peeved that she doesn't think it's funny, too; yet, you keep the topic going to try to force to agree with you (even if it's a hollow lie) to make your insecurities go away. Best thing to do is to learn from this.

 

you mustve read that wrong. I brought it up once.

[dasein]

Yeah, I think you need some advice. Have posted the following many times. As a young man, keep your dating life binary and keep yourself sane. Young women, and lots of women generally throw out tons of noise, crossed mixed signals, drama, etc. Elevate yourself out of this by:

 

1. Not getting into close texty or phone contact when you meet a woman you find interesting. Don't quiz her friends or family, your friends, anyone. Just make a plan to ask her out on a specific date. Never lead with "will you be my GF?" or anything like what you said to her sister. Think of a date idea she will enjoy, for a specific date and time, and ask her directly, either in person or on the phone, never text, to do that. Never to "hang out sometime" always specific. Before you are getting to the exclusive point, which you should wait for -her- to bring up or at least hint at, reduce all contact to asking out on the next date. Do not ask out for the next date while on one. Wait a few days, and ask out again.

 

2. If she says yes, go have a light flirty fun date without any heavy conversation about dating, relationships, your liking her, her feelings, NONE of that, please. It's a huge mistake. Just be fun, flirty, keep -your- desires and -your- plan in the forefront, and let her worry about her side of things. If she says no without a definite alternate plan, or gives lame excuses about not wanting to date someone who isn't at her college, well that's a strike. Wait a week, ask out one more time, and if she says no again, due to whatever reason, without a firm raincheck, move on to other options, that one isn't interested.

 

3. Once you are dating someone, escalate physical contact, don't -talk- about it or dwell on it, just -do- it. If you want to kiss her, when the time is right kiss her. Don't apologize or get bogged down into pressure type "feelings" conversations, all noise. You gauge her interest only by her accepting more dates and being enthusiastic to your respectful physical advances. Everything else is noise to be avoided. Keep your dating binary, keep yourself sane. Where physical advances are concerned, if you come off as feeling shifty or wrong about your natural sexual desire, she will too. It's just like dancing, if you lead in a straightforward way, she will respond in a straightforward way and become comfortable with your lead. If you are unsure, halting, she will be unsure and uncomfortable.

 

Good luck.