pathetic1999 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 After 5 or 6 weeks and daily contact has slowed down from but he still asks out once a week and if I ask him out he always says yes, if I text/call he responds and carries on a convo. But if I was the last to initiate he will go two or three days without contact if we have a date scheduled. Whereas first couple of weeks he texted / called almost daily or at least every other. I always do my share but don't want to do too much so I initiate usually every other or every third contact/date. Does that mean he's just more comfortable or he's losing interest? I would say duh losing interest but when we are together he's very attentive and we have great conversations and he keeps asking me out. I am honestly confused by this one! Oh and he's a laid back kind of guy, introverted but not overly shy either.
pbjbear Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 From the sounds of it, youre fine. Most guys dont want to do the chasing forever and if you initiating every other time turns him off you dont want to date someone like that...I think most guys, assuming they are into you, would like you show some interest. I think hes becoming more comfortable. I cannot talk to someone everyday, when I date someone who talks to me everyday in the beginning its fine but after awhile it gets on my nerves. However, I know girls that do want to talk everyday. Everyone is different. Its prob. the same with guys however more of the guys I know dont want to talk to their girlfriend or the girl they are dating everyday. If hes still asking you out and being attentive you are good. 2
Author pathetic1999 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) I am also fine not talking every day and he really acts like he's into me when we are together and we talk really deep about things, but he never mentions being exclusive or caring if I date others, etc. Not that we talk about it really but I almost feel like he just thinks about me when he thinks about me. Then I wonder if I am just trying to overthink it I mean it's been like 5 or 6 weeks and he tells me little things that happen through his day that he goes oh I bet "pathetic1999" would like this. So I must be on his mind, do some guys move slower or could he just maybe enjoy it like it is and not want anything more? We talk probably every third day but just small amounts of talk, but when we are together it's HOURS. Oh also to add it's been about 8 dates in that timespan. I've never had a guy not want to be exclusive fast and it's worrying me. Edited December 3, 2012 by pathetic1999
Author pathetic1999 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Not many replies! Just wanted to add...I don't feel like a priority to him, not that after this long I am expecting to be #1 but I don't feel like he's excited to be with me, like he likes me and has fun with me but not EXCITED! Do I give it a couple more weeks or talk to him now? And if I talk to him now what do I say?
clia Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I need some clarification. You started dating him five or six weeks ago? You currently see him once a week, and do not talk to him every day?
Author pathetic1999 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I need some clarification. You started dating him five or six weeks ago? You currently see him once a week, and do not talk to him every day? Yes right about six weeks ago, see each other about once a week and we talk about every third day sometimes every other. We usually initiate back and forth meaning he asks then I do then does, etc. The thing is when we are together he seems really into me, its hard to explain but he does and he tells me really deep things about his family and his feelings and all that stupid crap that's drawing me in!
clia Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'm leaning toward losing interest. I find it concerning that you are essentially taking a step backwards with him in terms of communication. I don't think there is anything off about not talking every day for the first month of dating, or even seeing each other only once a week for the first month. However, now that you are well into month two, the frequency of your dates and communication should be increasing, not decreasing. If things are heading toward a relationship, I think you should be talking to him 5-6 days a week in some manner, and seeing each other at least twice a week. (He should want this!) The fact that he isn't ramping up how often he gets to see you bothers me more than his less frequent texts. In my opinion, if he was really into you and wanted to become your boyfriend, he would want to see more of you -- and not just be content with seeing you one day a week. While it may seem like he is doing things to get closer with you, don't forget that men are not women. (LOL.) We women tell men deep things about us to emotionally bond. Men don't do that. In my experience, things that we women would think are meaningful simply are not meaningful at all to many men. Are your weekly dates with him during the week or on the weekends? I don't feel like a priority to him, not that after this long I am expecting to be #1 but I don't feel like he's excited to be with me, like he likes me and has fun with me but not EXCITED! This really says it all to me. He probably likes you and thinks you are a cool chick, but he isn't stepping up to the plate to advance the relationship. If you are in doubt about how he feels...well, he probably isn't feeling that way about you. Honestly, if I were you I would stop initiating and give him a chance to step forward. Don't text him, don't do anything to set up the next date. But, be receptive if he does either of those things (if you want). If he wants to go out again, then you can raise the topic if you really need to in person. However, I think you might already know the answer...
Author pathetic1999 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 They are mostly on weekends, but I don't feel his excitement but in spurts. I thought I did right before thanksgiving but now it's gone again and I'm getting exhausted.
Sameold Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Guys will want you to show interest too and it is very possible he doesn't want you to freak out about stuff. You will reach a point where you are fed up of thinking what you are and arn't and have THAT conversation, maybe it is going to arrive sooner than you think. Just know what you want from this and go for it, if he can't offer that it is time to move on. I've had a similar situation recently, dated for 2 months or so but come November she realised that actually she didn't want things to go any further. I'm glad she told me as it meant I didn't keep seeing her and I could move my focus on to other things/people. Unfortunately those people have been nothing but trouble! 1
crude Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It sounds like he's keeping you on the back burner. Maybe he has 3 or 4 others on his "stove".
pbjbear Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I would say in that case you are the "almost girlfriend" but not quite good enough...you know where you do girlfriend things to fulfill a guys emotional and sexual needs but he doesnt commit because hes waiting for something better to come along. Im sorry- Ive been here several times before and its no fun One guy did this to me for 3 months before I got up the nerve to ask...yeah that was bad.
Author pathetic1999 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 (edited) I was afraid of that, so is it better to ask or just "break up" not that you can even call it breakin up at this point but explaing we clearly want different things etc. and let it go? If I ask what do I say, sadly while I am normally really bold, in this kind of stuff I am super wimp and do not even know how to approach it. Edited December 4, 2012 by pathetic1999
pbjbear Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I was afraid of that, so is it better to ask or just "break up" not that you can even call it breakin up at this point but explaing we clearly want different things etc. and let it go? If I ask what do I say, sadly while I am normally really bold, in this kind of stuff I am super wimp and do not even know how to approach it. You could simply ask if hes seeing other people and judge it that way. I dont do that however because I find it doesnt always mean hes satisfied with you if he says he is "no I am not" because you could be the person he is seeing for now. I flat out ask "what are you looking for?" You dont have to do it face to face. I have done it on the phone and with 3 month guy...he hated the phone and towards the end was terrible with making dates so I did it over text bc I couldnt take it any longer. If he gives you an answer that you dont like you can say "we arent a good match/are incompatible so I think its best if we part ways/stop seeing each other" since its not a breakup
phineas Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I would say in that case you are the "almost girlfriend" but not quite good enough...you know where you do girlfriend things to fulfill a guys emotional and sexual needs but he doesnt commit because hes waiting for something better to come along. Im sorry- Ive been here several times before and its no fun One guy did this to me for 3 months before I got up the nerve to ask...yeah that was bad. I don't recall her mentioning they were intimate. That is crucial. 5-6 weeks & no sex, most guys will lose interest.
pbjbear Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I don't recall her mentioning they were intimate. That is crucial. 5-6 weeks & no sex, most guys will lose interest. I saw this guy twice a week...we were intimatem hence why I said fulfilling "sexual needs"
Author pathetic1999 Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 (edited) No we are intimate, and what makes it hard is he's so cuddly and always wants me to stay over. And is opening up more and more mostly at those times it feels like "bonding" and it's messing with me head. I would say another thing that confuses me while I'm at it is that the planning of our dates has gotten better on his end, meaning he now plans dinners or whatever, Instead of do you want to meet up for a drink type thing. So while communication has gotten less, planning of dates and type of dates has gotten more. I'm so confused I need to quit being a wimp and ask him. Edited December 4, 2012 by pathetic1999
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