To Soon to say " I love You?" A new single guy needs some help!

[coolspike]

Hey all! I'm totally new to this but was advised to maybe give this a try. So here goes. I've just gotten out a very loveless 17 year relationship. My ex basically took me to the cleaners, and ruined me financially & emotionally. The only upside is I have custody of my 3 kids. ( I'm a guy, so kinda weird). The divorce took over 2 years, and was probably 4 or 5 over due. I could handle her financial problems, but infidelity was definitly not going to fly. Long story short, I pulled myself together and started raising my kids. No personal life at all. I started dating people last summer again, but no one special.

 

That was untill about 3 months ago. I met someone who is everything I've been looking for. Fun, attractive, responsible. I think I have definitly fallen for her BIG time. My problem is I feel like a deathtrap! I'm mostly broke...3 kids are expensive. I'm a fulltime dad/mom, never a free moment. And I feel like I'm a burden on people who are attracted to me, so I shy away.

 

She is the first person I wanted to get close to in a very long time. I knew I was falling for her, but didn't realize how hard till I got the news that her new job wanted her to partially relocate. 2 weeks here, 2 weeks away. That hit me way harder than I thought it would. Now I'm torn. I wanted to tell her how i felt, but was nervouse before. I know she likes me a lot but I'm unsure of anything else. Now I dont know if I should tell her or not. I feel like if I do, I'm being selfish.

 

I know she has feelings for me, but I am unsure of how deeply she feels. And I don't want to say anything that will drive her away. It's hard maintaining a regular relationship, let alone a 2 week on, 2 week off one.

 

I have a long history of doing things for other people before doing things for myself. It's just my nature. It's also why I was married way to long. I wanted to preserve a family for the kids, and placed my own needs to the side. I know now that was a mistake, because both the kids and I are far better off.

 

I know I'm ramblin' along here and kinda all over the place. I guess I'm placing myself out there to see what others that dont know me have to say. I would appreciate any advise or feedback.

 

Thanks!

[seahorse]

Hi,

 

Hmmm, is she definitely going to relocate? Do you think if you say something, that she will not take the partial relocation?

 

It's only been three months, so early days yet, but if you really like her, and feel that you have to say something before she takes this job, then sit her down and explain gently how you feel. Make it so there is no pressure. Just tell her and say how does she want to go from there.

 

You sound like one of the good guys. Maybe she is waiting for you to say something, and if you don't, she might think you just want to be friends.

 

Good luck.

[honeyboobonnie]

Say what is in your heart. When you are speaking from your heart...there can be no wrong. If you dont...you will regret what could of been later on. You deserve to be happy. I know exactly what you mean by putting others first and forgetting about taking care of yourself. For this time though...for possible true love, TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!

[coolspike]

Thank you both for your feedback. You pretty much said what I already know. I had the night to think it over, and I think I'm gonna go for it. Living with regret isn't something I want to do ever again.

 

Thank You both!

[soccorsilly]

I was in a similar position as well. Three months is enough to know if it is love in my book. You are a good dad and depending on the ages of your kids, you need to put them first and obviously she knows this and is OK with it.

 

I say go for it, tell her!

 

It is a new life for you and you deserve all the happiness you can get!

 

John

[coolspike]

Thanks John!

[seahorse]

Oh, and don't forget to tell us how it went!