velazcuaraim Posted August 9, 2004 Posted August 9, 2004 I met this girl about 6 months ago, and we like each other since then. But we start going out just three months ago. Everything seemed to be great. Then she had final exams at school, she was under a lot of pressure because she was not doing very good in one of the subjects. The week of her final exams on Monday she helped me out to move some furniture around my apartment, I knew it was her roommate's birthday so I ask her if she had any plans for the night. She said she was going out with her friends (but I did not think she was too happy with me finding out that she was going out). Later that night I called her to say thanks for helping me and wish her good luck in her exams. Then in Thursday night I called her to see how she did in her exams. She didn’t call me back until Sunday, and she called at the time she knew I was going to be doing something and I would not be able to answer the call. She said "she had been busy with her family and wasn't able to call back early, also that she was at her families home and wasn't sure when she would be back home", since I don't have her families number I wait till Wednesday to call (Also I was a little upset that she didn't took 5 min. to call me and tell me she was going to be busy that weekend). On Wednesday I call in the evening and had no answer, then I called at night and her roommate picked up the phone. She told me that she went out for a coffee with one of her girl friend from college. On Friday, she called and I didn’t answer, she left a message saying that "she was sorry because she couldn’t call earlier, and that she was going to be at her family's all weekend" so again I was not going to be able to call her in the whole weekend. Today I don't know what to do, I miss her, but I don't like that game she is playing, or if she doesn't want me around why she keeps on calling back after a few days every time. Please, I need Advise. I'm planning in try to call her later tonight. Is this the correct thing to do? Actually, last week this was killing me, thinking about why she doesn't call. Now, I feel better, but I really like this girl and I wonder if there is anything that I can do to save the situation Thanks
sweetmo Posted August 9, 2004 Posted August 9, 2004 Hmmm, it does sound like on the one hand she has had a lot going on, and she is doing this thing to communicate via voice mails and messages, yet on the otherhand she is still communicating with you. I'm kind of a candid person so I'm just going to say just what I think may be going on, and what you might try to do, so I'm apologizing before hand if it is not sugar coated enough - I know in these situations I just want my friends opinions given straight to me. There's enough trouble just trying to figure out what's going on in a situation like this then also trying to figure out what someone's saying through the sugary speach. Anyway, back to the situation - I'd say that since she's calling back (even though its during times you can't actually speak), she IS still communicating with you. If she was done with you she'd just not call you back at all, or instead of the 'I'll be at my family's home' she'd say she needs a break, or something more final. So that is positive. However, she is keeping you at arms length, and she is not seeing you, which tells me she needs more space than you want to be giving right now. It'll be agony but I'd say to backoff and call her less. I was studying for the CPA exam and working full time and met a new guy that was great. He was perfect, and understanding and made a point not to pressure me in anyway. I had so much pressure from the exam and my full time job that even though I liked him, I found it difficult to see him more than a few hours on the weekend. If he pressured me to see him, or got upset if I didn't call him back, it would have 'broke the camels back' on what I could withstand, with everything else. And, it did take me some time to get back into the swing of things after this rough period. He did not pressure me in this way at all, and I REALLY appreciated that. And I knew that it had to be hard for him. So, I'd say, don't pressure her, don't get upset with her if she doesn't call right away (people already feel guilty for that on their own anyway), and just let her know you understand how crazy things have been, and would like to see her, and for her to let you know when she has some time. The guy I mentioned above also would call just to say hi and he was thinking about me, and that I didn't even have to call him back but that he just wanted to call me. I thought that was especially great. Don't call her for a couple of weeks (it'll be hard). But give her some time without you, and hopefully she'll call you. Then, call her after the two weeks to 'see how shes doing', and go from there. But remember, be cool, no pressure, and good luck! Every girl should be so lucky to have a guy want to be with them so much!
Author velazcuaraim Posted August 9, 2004 Author Posted August 9, 2004 It will be difficult, I know (Already is). I think I'm just afraid of loosing her if I don't call after she was the last one calling and leaving a voice message. I'm glad that she is still communicating in some way, but at the same time it's driving me nuts. Thanks for your support.
daydreaming Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 From what I can see in your girl's reaction to your efforts it seems like she's reached the point within the relationship when the first intense infatuation starts to fade. Normally, this happens after 2-4 months; you start missing your friends and want to do other things as well. BUT: This doesn't mean she doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you anymore. She's just remembering that she had a life before she started seeing you. And honestly, you wouldn't want her to give that up completely, would you? So just wait and see, she'll remember you sooner or later. It's irrational to expect that the fantastic feelings you have at the start of a relationship will remain for the entire time, but it's the knack and the secret behind love to stay together and manage it anyway. Good luck with your girl
beautiful Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 I feel that she is not playing a game, she is simply living HER life. And that is OK! You should do the same. If you 2 want to be together and it is right for the 2 of you , than so be it. In the meantime I feel you worry way to much about "phone calls" and wanting to keep tap on her. Speaking as a gurl, if I want to be with a guy bad enough...................I am simply there! However that does not mean I am giving up my life for a guy. I feel if you continue down this path, you won't have much of a relationship with her.
Author velazcuaraim Posted August 10, 2004 Author Posted August 10, 2004 Well, she did not call yesterday. Today I really want to call her. I don't know if this is a good idea. The fact that she was the last one that call and left a message makes me feel like I suppose to call her back this time.
Author velazcuaraim Posted August 13, 2004 Author Posted August 13, 2004 I could not wait any more, I made the call today (the last time she called was last Friday and today is Thursday). The answer machine picked-up, and I just say I was calling to say Hi, and ask her to call me when she had time. Do you think I screw-up? will she call?
sweetmo Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 velazcuaraim, I can't say whether she will call or she won't - she's called you back each time you've called so far, so chances are good she'll call you back. You waited a week (just about) and she didn't call, and, since she was the last one to play phone tag I don't think it was a screw up to call. (If that's all it takes to ruin something with her she may not be so right for you anyway) However, now that you've made the call, the ball is in her court. Try not to agonize over it, although I know it is difficult at times when you are so into someone and you are worried they may not be as in to you. One thing I've learned is that these things are not in our control, as much as we think "If I do this right, or that right, if I play this the right way it'll all work out", that isn't how its supposed to be! It should be easier than this. Bottom line - you've called her, now sit back and see what happens, and in the mean time get out there and be busy and have fun, distract yourself from this in any way you can by going out, listening to music, read a book, whatever! You deserve to be out there having as much fun as she is!!!
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