HanShotFirst Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) First off, I'm a 20 year old male. I would appreciate advice on my situation. Alright, so, I've been having a great time with my current girlfriend of 2 months. We are already super comfortable with each other and very open and honest. When we were first going out she told me that she really really liked me but didn't love me, she said she wouldn't tell me she loved me until she meant it... anyway, last month she told me she loved me. I guess I'm just trying to highlight that she doesn't bull**** around. Anyway, she mentioned that about 8 months ago she broke up with boyfriend of 2 years, a relationship she considered serious. The boyfriend was forced to leave the country, so they were split up that way, and in her words "I loved him a lot so it took me a while to get over him." Fine I think. 8 months later she's with me (we had 2 dates before starting the relationship). Anyway, she told me that she occasionally chats him on Facebook every now and then. Fine by me I suppose, he's in another country and never coming back. One night about a month ago curiosity got the best of me and while she was asleep I browsed her FB conversation with her ex. Invasion of privacy, I know, I shouldn't have done that. However, I found that she ever since the break up, she had been discussing the possibility of buying plane tickets to go visit him, and she kept asking him to check when he was free... I suppose that's normal after a break up, but the thing is, she even reminded him about the tickets a week after we were going out! What's even more disturbing is that a few weeks earlier we were talking about places we wanted to visit, and she said she wanted to go to Europe alone. I asked where she would stay and she said "probably my ex-bf's, because I could stay free." I let that go too... I asked her about the plane tickets and she said she reminded him "just because." I then asked if she still harbored feelings for him - she said no. I let it go because I trust her, and because she had already planned to spend all her school breaks with me, so I figured whatever. Cut to yesterday. I was skyping her up when her ex-bf started talking to her on FB. He mentioned that he planned to go to Korea (my girlfriend's home country, she's gonna head back there for a month this summer) as part of a business venture. Now let me tell you some interesting things about our relationship: - Our personalities are very similar - She doesn't talk about her ex-bf a lot and she says next to nothing about his qualities or personality, just that he gave her some valuable life experience, that he smoked weed a lot and was sometimes boring, he liked to club, was selfish, and that she loved him a lot. From what I can gather from his FB he is an alpha male - A few weeks ago she mentioned that she was obsessed with me, and that it wasn't healthy, and she was confused as to whether our love was real or not. She considered breaking up, thought about it for a bit then assured me it was true love. - She said once that I loved her more than she loved me, and that made her kind of sad - She has said many things that indicate she is really into me Should I confront her? Should I let it all go? Am I being paranoid/insecure? Edited November 30, 2012 by HanShotFirst
InJest Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Don't treat her as a serious girlfriend. Don't invest anymore emotionally in her. You're probably ****ed anyway since you started a relationship after date number 2, but I'd feel bad if I didn't give you the best advice. Start looking for a new girlfriend, and dump this one once you find someone more suitable.
Author HanShotFirst Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Don't treat her as a serious girlfriend. Don't invest anymore emotionally in her. You're probably ****ed anyway since you started a relationship after date number 2, but I'd feel bad if I didn't give you the best advice. Start looking for a new girlfriend, and dump this one once you find someone more suitable. I see, that's what a friend who knows her told me. I'm curious though, why am I ****ed after starting a relationship after date #2? Do you mean in terms of emotional investment? Anyway since my friend told me that I've been trying to follow his advice of distancing myself - it's ****ing hard though...
dasein Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 The fact that she would even suggest staying with a LT serious immediately previous ex when traveling says very clearly that she doesn't respect your relationship or take it seriously. What they say about "into you blablabla" is 100% noise. Ignore it. No one I know would be OK with even a suggestion of this, and I can't think of a single woman I've been exclusive with who wouldn't break up with me immediately at the mention of it. Good luck.
InJest Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 The fact that you're committing to a relationship on date #2 just says you're desperate and probably very clingy, and from what you just said in your second post, that seems like an accurate statement. I say you're ****ed because you're already in too deep, and are too pussy whipped to put your foot down. Just treat her as a **** buddy while you look for someone else.
Author HanShotFirst Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 ****. This isn't what I wanted to hear, but I've been thinking the same things in the back of my head for a few weeks now and you guys have confirmed it. Time to start pulling away emotionally I guess. It's too bad because our personalities synergize really well and we have fun being around each other. Oh, one last thing: I said two dates, but we'd hung out twice before that for almost a full day each. Not a whole lot of time but enough to feel that spark. You're right though, I am clingy (I recognize this and try hard to create space), and that she's super cute doesn't help me with my one-itis. I have put my foot down in the past when I knew how to handle the issues but this one confused me. Whatever. I'll treat this one as practice and start improving my game to get over my clinginess.
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