Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 I'd like to hear more specifics about what made the guy in question a "cocky player" before reaching that conclusion. I find women throw the "player" card very indiscriminately these days. Every confident man who is self-possessed, doesn't automatically supplicate to women, and has good social skills is not a player. A lot of PUA crap lets just say that and he spoke very highly of himself nonstop
Divasu Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 The only jerkable offense I see on the guy's part, is not offering you a place to crash versus driving home intoxicated. Then again, how much wine did you drink? If it was something along the lines of this: http://www.photofun7.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/04abb__drunk-girls-pictures-06.jpg Sure, I can see why someone wouldn't want to have sex...
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 The only jerkable offense I see on the guy's part, is not offering you a place to crash versus driving home intoxicated. Then again, how much wine did you drink? If it was something along the lines of this: http://www.photofun7.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/04abb__drunk-girls-pictures-06.jpg Sure, I can see why someone wouldn't want to have sex... No definitely not drunk, but buzzed driving is not safe either
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I guess I looked past the front he had up and saw a decent person in there. Maybe I was wrong. If you keep looking at men this way then I'm sure a lot of them are going to b a real charmer, you're "over-looking" the idiocy of who they are as men so you can focus on the fact that maybe this is a "decent" guy, this is the guy in his entirety, you take him for what he is on all levels because that's who he is, regardless of the "pluses"...you're just making it way too easy for guys like this to get away with just about anything. Have a standard and expectation, and abide by it...don't fluctuate out of desperation or trying to "compromise" or reason to yourself that it isn't as bad as you know it is...then you'll be "blaming yourself" for being so stupid later on...come on now, grow up a bit, take responsibility for your decisions...especially the bad ones. The only jerkable offense I see on the guy's part, is not offering you a place to crash versus driving home intoxicated. Then again, how much wine did you drink? If it was something along the lines of this: http://www.photofun7.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/04abb__drunk-girls-pictures-06.jpg Sure, I can see why someone wouldn't want to have sex... If a man invites you over to drink or you end up at his place drinking...same difference, then what kind of self respecting guy is going to just be like "ok, I guess you should be on your way?" not that he isn't just using you for sex by letting you stay but maybe some guys have a shred of decency that he's actually worried and concerned for the woman...I know, sound crazy that a man does something without the expectation of getting something out of it, but there's a few of us that exist. It doesn't matter how much wine she drank either or how drunk she got, if he wasn't happy about that then he should have cut her off, and if she got out of control anyway, oh well let her sleep it off or if she's a nut and that worried then call her a cab if you must...but that seems to be a bit on the extreme side, otherwise she's responsible for herself (which she was and didn't get hammered anyway) and he's responsible as a host to make sure not to send a potentially drunk woman on the road so that she might not endanger herself. Sounds reasonable to me, but then again...everyone is always worried about themselves most of the time.
Divasu Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 That's why I said, "jerkable offense". A decent percent would not want someone who is intoxicated, driving himself/herself home. Him not wanting to have sex, however, is not a jerkable offense. Two seperate things. It doesn't matter how much wine she drank either or how drunk she got, if he wasn't happy about that then he should have cut her off, and if she got out of control anyway, oh well let her sleep it off or if she's a nut and that worried then call her a cab if you must...but that seems to be a bit on the extreme side, otherwise she's responsible for herself (which she was and didn't get hammered anyway) and he's responsible as a host to make sure not to send a potentially drunk woman on the road so that she might not endanger herself. Sounds reasonable to me, but then again...everyone is always worried about themselves most of the time.
wheream_i Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 So I met this guy through some friends and he came off like a cocky player so I just assumed I could have some fun with him. We had a pretty great connection and a good time together and I stayed over on the 2nd date we messed around, but no sex. On our 3rd date I assume there would be sex right? Nope wrong. I went over for dinner then we messed around and he seemed really tired. So I asked if I should go (was really offended he didn't even ask me to stay after I had wine and was not in the best shape to drive especially in the rain). He got annoyed and mumbled something to the extend of "Is that all you think this is?". I asked what he meant by that and he just changed the subject. Anyway I was totally offended at this point. This guy that comes off as a total player doesn't want to have sex with me and wont let me stay over for some reason? So yeah I stormed out of there. He got mad and said I'm guilt tripping him by telling him I'm too buzzed to drive. Seriously? I mean I'm assuming we are not talking anymore at this point. Did I do something wrong? I'm confused. Ha, I think that's great! 1
InJest Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 When he asked, Is that all you think this is? You should have said yes. He probably would have gladly boned you out.
Imported Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I know how you feel OP. Sometimes I see women wearing really form fitting clothing, showing lots of cleavage and even a camel toe... being very flirtatious and than being insulted when you go for sex fast. I mean....they look the part and they act the part but it was rude of me to assume they are the part. Women are confusing that way and I accepted that a long time ago and don't make assumptions like that so fast and back-off with no..."hard"....feelings and it's not a big deal. Certainly I wouldn't make a post about assuming some chick is a slut, but then turns out I was wrong and thinking she is less of a person because of my mistake. That would just be stupid. The FemFederation would be all over it.
dasein Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 A lot of PUA crap lets just say that and he spoke very highly of himself nonstop Let's just say then, that since you still haven't posted specifics, that the guy in all likelihood is not a "player." Sounds like the opposite actually.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Meh - just move on to the next one. I think some guys can't wrap their minds around women just wanting to have sex sometimes just for the hell of it, too.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Let's just say then, that since you still haven't posted specifics, that the guy in all likelihood is not a "player." Sounds like the opposite actually. There were so many! He just did the whole cocky poking fun at you thing nonstop and would make jokes about other girls he dates(not in seriousness) or has dated (i mean obviously jokes but yeah). Also really don't need to know about other people you have slept with....especially if you are not having sex with me.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Meh - just move on to the next one. I think some guys can't wrap their minds around women just wanting to have sex sometimes just for the hell of it, too. It wasn't the first date....it was the 3rd. What is wrong with wanting sex at that point either way
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 It wasn't the first date....it was the 3rd. What is wrong with wanting sex at that point either way There's nothing "wrong" about it necessarily. But some people like waiting for sex a little longer. I'd prefer 6 months or so personally. But that's just me...
pbjbear Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 On what planet do you live? Im just curious. Ive never met an arrogant cocky player that didnt do what you are doing to him.
xxoo Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 No definitely not drunk, but buzzed driving is not safe either Why did you drink to that point, if you hadn't discussed staying the night? You've posted this scenario before--you being too buzzed to drive safely, but the guy didn't offer you the option of staying the night. As a responsible driver and adult, you must assume you are driving him (and drink accordingly) unless you make other arrangements.
Imported Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 It wasn't the first date....it was the 3rd. What is wrong with wanting sex at that point either way I know, like you go through all the trouble of three dates, spend all that money and then she won't even give you a hand job and thinks you're a douchebag for expecting anything. 1
xxoo Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 It wasn't the first date....it was the 3rd. What is wrong with wanting sex at that point either way Nothing at all. Also nothing wrong with wanting to go slower.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Nothing at all. Also nothing wrong with wanting to go slower. IF that is not communicated how the hell should I know what is going on? A guy not wanting to have sex especially one that boasts about how good he is and how many girls he gets blah blah is freaking weird
Drseussgrrl Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 If I like the guy I usually don't wait beyond 3 dates. *shrugs*
wheream_i Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 IF that is not communicated how the hell should I know what is going on? A guy not wanting to have sex especially one that boasts about how good he is and how many girls he gets blah blah is freaking weird I think he's getting exactly what he wants out of you. You went into it knowing he was a player, even wanting him because he was a gloating cocky bast*rd, now he's got you in trapped in his game and you don't like it. Oh, so typical. And I mean that in the nicest way. Tell me, what did you want going into this? To get him in bed, blow his mind and blow him off giving him a taste of his own medicine? Maybe I'm wrong but that's what it sounds like to me. Did you want to find out what this "big talker" was all about come to find out, there's nothing but hot air? Is the confident but nice guy too boring for you? 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 IF that is not communicated how the hell should I know what is going on? A guy not wanting to have sex especially one that boasts about how good he is and how many girls he gets blah blah is freaking weird Exactly...a lot of people here are forgetting that the idiot was the one running his mouth about this and that, talking himself up while she sits there and listen to this BS...so what do you expect her to expect when she goes over the house to this self-proclaimed casanova? oh he wants to take it slow? ha! People are relating too much to this however and putting their own personal twists and relation to this situation when it is completely different but they want to avoid the obvious scenario that you were in here to try and make a completely other point that has nothing to do with this situation. I'm going to talk about this really nice and exciting place, with lots of lights and entertainment then I'm going to drive people out to the desert and to catch rattlesnakes all day and then I'll blame them for expecting something else...that makes sense. 3
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Exactly...a lot of people here are forgetting that the idiot was the one running his mouth about this and that, talking himself up while she sits there and listen to this BS...so what do you expect her to expect when she goes over the house to this self-proclaimed casanova? oh he wants to take it slow? ha! People are relating too much to this however and putting their own personal twists and relation to this situation when it is completely different but they want to avoid the obvious scenario that you were in here to try and make a completely other point that has nothing to do with this situation. I'm going to talk about this really nice and exciting place, with lots of lights and entertainment then I'm going to drive people out to the desert and to catch rattlesnakes all day and then I'll blame them for expecting something else...that makes sense. I'm glad somebody gets it!
dasein Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 OP meets insecure guy who feels he must brag about other women to attract women. OP misinterprets this as him being a player (which he very plainly and painfully obviously is not), and assumes sex will result from a sleepover. It didn't. Then on the third date, again assumes a sleepover is implied as is sex. Sex doesn't happen and OP becomes annoyed. Those are the operative facts as I see them. Advice for the OP: If you are looking for NSA from "players" or men who have lots of experience seducing women, 1. Learn what a player is. They don't ever brag about their sexual prowess, experience or other women. A real player will focus all attention on you and seducing you. The last thing he wants is for you to think his apartment has a revolving door on it. 2. Learn to be proactive in your dating expectations, especially if early dates don't lead to the conclusion you want. If you want sex, grab his pecker. If he balks then he doesn't want sex with you for whatever reason. Move on. 3. Same advice to men who don't get sex whenever they want it. GET OVER IT and don't get offended, hurt or angry. If someone doesn't want to f-ck you, find someone who will. Thread is a great candidate for gender reversal, and many of the posts and replies were it a guy who got irritated because the woman wouldn't f-ck him on the third date would be totally and completely opposite to what is in this thread. 6
Divasu Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Exactly...a lot of people here are forgetting that the idiot was the one running his mouth about this and that, talking himself up while she sits there and listen to this BS...so what do you expect her to expect when she goes over the house to this self-proclaimed casanova? oh he wants to take it slow? ha! People are relating too much to this however and putting their own personal twists and relation to this situation when it is completely different but they want to avoid the obvious scenario that you were in here to try and make a completely other point that has nothing to do with this situation. I'm going to talk about this really nice and exciting place, with lots of lights and entertainment then I'm going to drive people out to the desert and to catch rattlesnakes all day and then I'll blame them for expecting something else...that makes sense. What the What!?##@# So what if he was running his mouth? She obviously wasn't THAT bothered by it if she hung out with the guy several times and wanted to make nookie with him! Is it not evident to you that the OP wanted sex, saying so herself in this very thread? SHE said she thought he was a player so she was going to have some "fun" with him. If anything, her desire in doing so, backfired.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Guy meets girl. Girl goes on and on about how much she likes sex and giving head, and how good she is at both. Dude goes on three dates with her and is hoping to cash in on some of that action. She declines. Guy is confused and a bit frustrated. Pretty simple and understandable. 2
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