starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 So I met this guy through some friends and he came off like a cocky player so I just assumed I could have some fun with him. We had a pretty great connection and a good time together and I stayed over on the 2nd date we messed around, but no sex. On our 3rd date I assume there would be sex right? Nope wrong. I went over for dinner then we messed around and he seemed really tired. So I asked if I should go (was really offended he didn't even ask me to stay after I had wine and was not in the best shape to drive especially in the rain). He got annoyed and mumbled something to the extend of "Is that all you think this is?". I asked what he meant by that and he just changed the subject. Anyway I was totally offended at this point. This guy that comes off as a total player doesn't want to have sex with me and wont let me stay over for some reason? So yeah I stormed out of there. He got mad and said I'm guilt tripping him by telling him I'm too buzzed to drive. Seriously? I mean I'm assuming we are not talking anymore at this point. Did I do something wrong? I'm confused.
annabelle26 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 So I met this guy through some friends and he came off like a cocky player so I just assumed I could have some fun with him. We had a pretty great connection and a good time together and I stayed over on the 2nd date we messed around, but no sex. On our 3rd date I assume there would be sex right? Nope wrong. I went over for dinner then we messed around and he seemed really tired. So I asked if I should go (was really offended he didn't even ask me to stay after I had wine and was not in the best shape to drive especially in the rain). He got annoyed and mumbled something to the extend of "Is that all you think this is?". I asked what he meant by that and he just changed the subject. Anyway I was totally offended at this point. This guy that comes off as a total player doesn't want to have sex with me and wont let me stay over for some reason? So yeah I stormed out of there. He got mad and said I'm guilt tripping him by telling him I'm too buzzed to drive. Seriously? lol. i dated a guy like this once. he held back because he was crap in bed, it transpired. 6 months later.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 lol. i dated a guy like this once. he held back because he was crap in bed, it transpired. 6 months later. But the way he acts and talks you would assume he sleeps around a lot....so I'm stumped there.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 But the way he acts and talks you would assume he sleeps around a lot....so I'm stumped there. How it appears to you, and how it actually is could be two completely different things. Some of us come off as cocky/arrogant, at first, but once you get to know us we aren't. The other thing to consider, is while he might have had a lot of partners, sex it's self might not what he is looking for. A lot of times if you put two passionate people together, sex just happens even though a relationship isn't in the cards. I know i would trade in some of my number, for ones that lasted longer, and where more fulfilling.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 How it appears to you, and how it actually is could be two completely different things. Some of us come off as cocky/arrogant, at first, but once you get to know us we aren't. The other thing to consider, is while he might have had a lot of partners, sex it's self might not what he is looking for. A lot of times if you put two passionate people together, sex just happens even though a relationship isn't in the cards. I know i would trade in some of my number, for ones that lasted longer, and where more fulfilling. I'm not sure that was the case but yeah
yessy21 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Maybe he actually liked you. and you made him feel like he was just a Piece.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Maybe he actually liked you. and you made him feel like he was just a Piece. Umm he didn't say what he was looking for and when he did talk he came off like he was looking for something casual (this is what all the people that know him told me as well...that hes a player and doesn't want a relationship). So really WTF?! Also the fact that I said I wanted to stay and he wouldn't let(even though he did last time and wanted me to stay the time before as well) me when I was not safe to drive...that is not ok! I love how everyone on here is ignoring that part
Andy_K Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Maybe he's been reading lots of seduction community stuff to come across as a stud, but doesn't know what to do when it works. Or as annabelle says, he's trying to cover up that he's crap in bed. There aren't many other reasons a guy would turn down sex. Either way, his anger suggests to me that there is something not right with him that he's trying to deflect on to you. 2
carhill Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 OP, I can appreciate your confusion and frustration. My only advice is to be more direct, if you prefer casual/quick sex, about communicating that desire. A similarly-minded man will show his willingness immediately and a more reticent (sexually) man will show hesitation. Then, you can act on that information and make choices without having to experience confusion and frustration.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 I wouldn't mind a relationship I am looking for one. Just didn't think this guy was anywhere near that page
carhill Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 That makes sense, and what you may desire may differ from person to person. Hence, if this person presents themselves as a 'player' apparently seeking quick and easy sex, be direct about that, in words. 'I don't see a relationship potential here, but boy you're hot and I'm up for some steamy sex tonight' Listen.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 When I want to sex a dude and nothing more I don't pretend like we have to go on "dates". I send pretty explicit texts that get the message across. haha
SmileFace Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 women ... I swear. Could you imagine how offended you will be if a guy discounted you and got offended you didn't have sex with his since you seemed like a total slut to him? 3
Drseussgrrl Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I wouldn't be offended. I'd have to second-guess how I was presenting myself to men to make them think that's all I was about. I mean, if a relationship was what I really wanted, anyway. I honestly just don't think this dude was into the OP. Simple as that.
Imajerk17 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) It's always interesting reading starla's posts. She keeps griping about how she ends up with douches and yet she always seems surprised by that, as if her decisions don't play a role in things. (Chasing guys who aren't that interested--see her last thread, and putting out for guys who don't seem to want a relationship--see this post.) Notice that she keeps driving to HIS place, for both the second and third dates. Everyone gave her the advice not to keep doing that, but in typical starla fashion, she just keeps doing what she is always doing. C'est la vie. Anyway OP, I wonder if he thinks you're easy and he was turned off. And you actually do seem pretty easy I must say... Edited November 30, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 It's always interesting reading starla's posts. She keeps griping about how she ends up with douches and yet she always seems surprised by that, as if her decisions don't play a role in things. (Chasing guys who aren't that interested--see her last thread, and putting out for guys who don't seem to want a relationship--see this post.) Notice that she keeps driving to HIS place, for both the second and third dates. Everyone gave her the advice not to keep doing that, but in typical starla fashion, she just keeps doing what she is always doing. C'est la vie. Anyway OP, I wonder if he thinks you're easy and he was turned off. And you actually do seem pretty easy I must say... Um yeah I wanted sex from him that was it
dasein Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 This guy is still a stranger. He could have a GF, ex in the picture, FWBs. He may not find you that attractive, may have been exhausted, may have had whiskey dick, may have felt a bit ill. Who knows what it is? If you expect sex or even a sleepover on this or that date, it's up to you to be proactive in making the suggestions and gauging the response that lead to being on the same page. I don't see your annoyance or taking offense as reasonable in this situation. If you want something to happen, be proactive and not passive. If you remain passive, don't get annoyed when you don't get the results you want.
SmileFace Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Um yeah I wanted sex from him that was it So don't go on dates with him. Meet him for sex and that is it. You know women can lead men on too? Is he suppose to guess you only want him for sex? How about telling him. Dresus I only said that since from the op's posting history I am pretty sure she would got offended if a guy did the same to her because in a couple days this guy will fall into "douches are only into me" category.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 So don't go on dates with him. Meet him for sex and that is it. You know women can lead men on too? Is he suppose to guess you only want him for sex? How about telling him. Dresus I only said that since from the op's posting history I am pretty sure she would got offended if a guy did the same to her because in a couple days this guy will fall into "douches are only into me" category. So you think I have something to apologize for?
KyGirl Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 He sounds like a real jerk, I'd say you're better off finding someone who respects your feelings and well being more. I read a great quote today. "Know your worth, don't be a doormat!" Maybe you could apply this here. Good luck with everything. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Guys like this like to talk the talk but can't walk the walk. I doubt he could live up to all the hype he was presenting, and was likely over-exaggerating about everything, the idiot was probably insecure about everything so he had to compensate for his fragile ego, and it was coming so easy that he didn't even know what to do next...he probably lost confidence at some point or wasn't event that interested in you, could've just been a game but maybe he's worried about living up to his douchebag persona. I'm not sure how a woman is even turned on and intrigued by a guy who has to run his mouth about this or that, chances are he has a one to three step program that he follows with women but doesn't usually get that far most of the time and in reality when the time comes he has no idea what he's doing so no confidence to "perform". Not to mention he likely has some other kind of issues going on. 1
SmileFace Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 So you think I have something to apologize for? No... but move on to someone who is looking for the same and be upfront about it. It isn't about him being offended - it is just that you both are looking for two different things... move on. Plus if you are offended a guy wouldn't sleep with you and you aren't in a relationship , you shouldn't be offended. You were looking for sex and he didn't want to have it - move on. That shouldn't bother you self esteem at all.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Guys like this like to talk the talk but can't walk the walk. I doubt he could live up to all the hype he was presenting, and was likely over-exaggerating about everything, the idiot was probably insecure about everything so he had to compensate for his fragile ego, and it was coming so easy that he didn't even know what to do next...he probably lost confidence at some point or wasn't event that interested in you, could've just been a game but maybe he's worried about living up to his douchebag persona. I'm not sure how a woman is even turned on and intrigued by a guy who has to run his mouth about this or that, chances are he has a one to three step program that he follows with women but doesn't usually get that far most of the time and in reality when the time comes he has no idea what he's doing so no confidence to "perform". Not to mention he likely has some other kind of issues going on. I guess I looked past the front he had up and saw a decent person in there. Maybe I was wrong.
Author starla33 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 No... but move on to someone who is looking for the same and be upfront about it. It isn't about him being offended - it is just that you both are looking for two different things... move on. Plus if you are offended a guy wouldn't sleep with you and you aren't in a relationship , you shouldn't be offended. You were looking for sex and he didn't want to have it - move on. That shouldn't bother you self esteem at all. I AM looking for a relationship. I just didn't think he was so in my head I put him into the fun sleep with guy category. I had no idea....
dasein Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Guys like this like to talk the talk but can't walk the walk. I'd like to hear more specifics about what made the guy in question a "cocky player" before reaching that conclusion. I find women throw the "player" card very indiscriminately these days. Every confident man who is self-possessed, doesn't automatically supplicate to women, and has good social skills is not a player.
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