Sparky123 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Back story, dated my ex for 9 months, no problems at all. She left to study abroad in sept. I came and visited her in October and we broke up there. She went from working two jobs and going to university to seeing her friends everyday and partying a lot. We texted a lot in the first month of BU and she said that I was one of the few good people in her life and showed all hints of wanting to get back. Then one day she says she needs to be alone to figure out what she wants out of life and can't do it with anyone in her life and that we probably won't get back. My questions her birthday is in December should I wish her a happy birthday? She also said we would meet up when she gets back in December to see where we are at. Should I ask her if that's still on?Have been NC about a week now.
geegirl Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 she says she needs to be alone to figure out what she wants out of life and can't do it with anyone in her life and that we probably won't get back. The woman wants to be alone, doesn't want anyone in her life and indicated she doesn't want to be with you. She has no concern for your feelings when telling you like it is, yet you're sitting here wondering if you should wish her happy birthday? She'll live without your wishes. Trust me. But if you are doing this to remind her of your existence, nothing does it best by radio silence. Your questions reek of desperation. Can I ask her if she wants me? Can I ask her if we are back on? It's highly unattractive to a woman when a man behaves this way. If she wants to be with you, she will and she will show you. She knows the ball is in her court. Let her work for you. Please, try and find your self-respect.
Jono85 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 no man. no. she knows where u stand. she will contact u IF she wants to talk/see you. when she returns, i'd be semi cold with her. she did just tell u she doesn't want to be with u anymore and probably won't want to again. begin to move on.
Author Sparky123 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks guys for the replies. She just texted me saying to have fun at an Xmas party and she's having fun over there. I don't respond. She later sends me a text asking if I can't talk to her anyone. I coldy told her that I'm at work trying to do my task. Send send sorry. Haven't texted her back and don't think I will. But why could she have texted me? Does she just want to see how I stand or just using me?
geegirl Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks guys for the replies. She just texted me saying to have fun at an Xmas party and she's having fun over there. I don't respond. She later sends me a text asking if I can't talk to her anyone. I coldy told her that I'm at work trying to do my task. Send send sorry. Haven't texted her back and don't think I will. But why could she have texted me? Does she just want to see how I stand or just using me? Look, dumpers still want to know that they have you on the sidelines for their own self-preservation -- ego, crutch, attention, comfort, etc. She knows you love her. She knows she can pick you up at anytime. Instead of paying attention to useless text messages, pay attention to her words to you in that she does not want a relationship with you. Stop focusing trivial texts rather place emphasis and focus on her decision to dump you. When she asked you if you didn't want to talk to her anymore, you should have told her you need NC to help you heal. Instead you left the door open for her to walk in and out whenever she wants. Where you stand? She knows where you stand! And that is why she keeps contacting. It keeps you where she wants you to be, in her back pocket.
Author Sparky123 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks so much, I'm starting to see your point and I'm finding your advice insightful If or when she contacts me should I tell her I need NC to heal or not even respond to her messages?
geegirl Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks so much, I'm starting to see your point and I'm finding your advice insightful If or when she contacts me should I tell her I need NC to heal or not even respond to her messages? Personally, I'd tell her that you need NC. If you go silent on her, she's going to keep texting and it'll drive you crazy and then you'll start worrying about what she thinks, if you're rude, etc. This way you lay down your terms, and shut the door. Tell her that contact is difficult for you and that you need NC to heal and for her to please respect your wishes. Then strict NC.
Author Sparky123 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks for your advice, I know you're right logically and it's the best way to move on. But I'm just such an emotional lover or as other people say a hopeless romantic. I don't know why I can't just come to terms to cut her out of my life, I mean how can you go from being so close to one another and then pretend you're total strangers. Anywho I guess I'll have plenty of time to think it over until she messages me next, I just wish I could be the type to just move on... Once again thanks a lot for your insight, I greatly appreciate you helping me out in my moment of agony.
geegirl Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 You're not the only one. We've all been emotional and hopelessly hopeful as dumpees. What you feel is normal. How can people be so close and turn to strangers? It's a break-up. One moment you're in bliss and the next, you're broken up, separated, divorced, etc. When that happens your only way to heal is to detach from your source of pain. Keeping a foot in the door is a cowards way of not letting go. It has nothing to do with preserving what you had, because you don't have it anymore. You're too afraid to accept thd reality and the pain of letting go. Thats why one sits on sidelines hoping to remind the dumper of their existence rather than cutting the cord and moving on. Evev sadder when the dumper has already made the decision that they do not want you in their life. Good luck to you.
Recommended Posts