Have you checked up on them?

[LostOne1]

Yeah, I've had to channel my inner stubborn prick. I'm not going to lie, I occasionally get pangs of weakness where I'm tempted to look at her page or drop her a text, but I always remind myself that I'm not the one who should be chasing and that she should cave, not me. She's stubborn as hell too, but whatever, if she wants to get a hold of me she knows my number and she knows where I live. But even if she did I'm not sure I would respond -- the whole "she thinks she can do better" thing put me off. She can have fun trying.

Glad your pushing with NC though.. I had done it for 1 month straight but I did it MUCH to late. I wish when my ex BU with me.. I had done it THEN and THERE and then went NC. By putting it in place later.. all it did was push me to contact her and further make things worse.

 

I guess for next time hopefully no BU happens but if it does.. I now know it's best to stay calm, cool, be serious, and go NC and show as if they want to BU with me then I don't need to and can move on.

 

If I did that chances are I'd have gotten a second chance with my ex.. though thinking of it now.. I don't know if I would take it though... there would be NO way to know if my ex cheated on me or not while away.

 

But it's great you went NC and have kept to it. My ex is stubborn too, which is why she never caved in.. I am a bit stubborn to, but less than her.

[LostOne1]

At the start I was writing an email a day and saving it as drafts! think Id written about 30 during the first month but didnt send a single one. Also, was looking at her facebook, Id ask friends about her, about whether I should contact her blah blah blah. Saw her from a distance twice, she saw me both times, but I walked away, or avoided looking at her.

 

Its been 2.5 months and Im getting to the stage where I need to really sort myself out finally and dont want her impeding on the new life Im carving out for myself - Im at the stage where I dont want her in my life. Ive begun working out daily, am learning a new language, and have gone on a few dates. Essentially theres loads of things I want to do with my life, the main one being have unshakeable confidence again which I did before I met her.

 

Have I wanted to contact her? Sure....Do I miss her? I miss the good times, but it was awful for the last year.....Im aiming to have a better life for myself and everyone else here will too!! its a learning process which will toughen us all up and make us wayyy better people eventually!!! Heres to survival andthe future!!

 

I know how you feel man.. I feel the same way, I want to get back to how I was before I was with her. I was a total machine worked so hard and was doing so well and super independent. Now with her gone I look at myself and find a lot of me is a wreck. So it;s all about getting back to who and how I was before I met her.

 

And I agree we do miss our ex and all the good times, because in fact there WERE good times we all had in our relationships. I guess it's tough just to adjust to life when we had a certain routine. For me I used my cell a lot almost only for my ex to text a lot. So it's become a habit and feels weird when I don't use my cell.

 

In fact last I hear I think she got a new cell phone. I guess she has too many memories and photo's of me on her phone. So this was a good way for a chance. Which is why I think im gonna buy a new phone real soon too.

[LostOne1]

Looks like most of us on this thread are 2 to 4 months out.

 

I'm looking forward to seeing how we are all doing and supporting each other as we get on with our lives. I wonder how many times this has happened on LS. Like millions ..seem like a constant flood rolling in and rolling out. I always be grateful to you (the familiar names I see) all for helping me through this. Heck you guys are better than family at this point!

 

I hope we can as disappear slowly in the next months. If I'm posting about breaking NC like 6 months from now you guys have permission to lynch me Lol

well even by 6 months I might be here to help and guide others. I mean the best thing we can do is HELP others so they don't suffer like us too.

 

Even if someone else is a stranger, I wouldn't want them to suffer like I did and make stupid mistakes I did. My mistakes cost me a lot and caused me LOTS of pain. And I don't want someone else to go through it.

 

So I'll probably still be around to help.

 

But yeah, I expect my time will fade away slowly over the next few months. If I get a job, which I might then I will have less time to come by.

 

What reminds me a lot to checkup here is that my Google Chrome browser has this site listed when I open my browser LOL I guess I;'ve visited here so much, that it's become one of my top sites visited so it shows up!

 

We both are gonna be okay and the rest bunch of us too.

 

It's gonna be harder I think during the holidays coming up.. but hey we gotta be strong and tough now. We can't let life take us down so easily and beat our spirits!

[Simon Phoenix]

Glad your pushing with NC though.. I had done it for 1 month straight but I did it MUCH to late. I wish when my ex BU with me.. I had done it THEN and THERE and then went NC. By putting it in place later.. all it did was push me to contact her and further make things worse.

 

I guess for next time hopefully no BU happens but if it does.. I now know it's best to stay calm, cool, be serious, and go NC and show as if they want to BU with me then I don't need to and can move on.

 

If I did that chances are I'd have gotten a second chance with my ex.. though thinking of it now.. I don't know if I would take it though... there would be NO way to know if my ex cheated on me or not while away.

 

But it's great you went NC and have kept to it. My ex is stubborn too, which is why she never caved in.. I am a bit stubborn to, but less than her.

 

Yeah, I had to put off doing NC for almost two months after the breakup because I had to see her for a weekend that was prearranged. I tried a mini-NC after doing the chase thing for three weeks or so, but it really was kind of useless because we knew we were going to see each other. And once we did, all the crap she had going from the break was thrust on me. But now, there's no set time when I have to see her, so I've been able to move on for the most part. There's a pang here and there, but it's less and less and I get rid of it easier and easier. I wish I could have done this from the start, but alas.

[LostOne1]

Yeah, I had to put off doing NC for almost two months after the breakup because I had to see her for a weekend that was prearranged. I tried a mini-NC after doing the chase thing for three weeks or so, but it really was kind of useless because we knew we were going to see each other. And once we did, all the crap she had going from the break was thrust on me. But now, there's no set time when I have to see her, so I've been able to move on for the most part. There's a pang here and there, but it's less and less and I get rid of it easier and easier. I wish I could have done this from the start, but alas.

yeah we wish a lot.. including me wishing I had done NC from day 1.. I think it would've ended better or gotten better and at least I would've felt better.

 

What hurt me was the fact that my ugly side came out. I normally never beg, never have anger, never want to get revenge on someone, never want to go off on someone etc..

 

But this BU brought all these things out of me and what pisses me off is I LET IT get the BEST of me.

 

If I learned another thing.. it is ALWAYS to be calm no matter what happens. And that never let anger get the best of you.

 

Normally I'm always caring and never want to hurt someone even if they hurt me. But with the BU it's like I wanted to get back at her at times for how she hurt me too. And that scares me thinking of it, because I;m normally never like that at all.

 

So I'm glad at least you are able to think clearly and calmly. Wish I had that for when I needed those skills the most.

[robaday]

I hear you mate. I also let anger get the better of me. It was like she wanted a reason to breakup, but couldnt find it in herself to do it. She had seemed so unhappy and was tearing into me all the time. Eventually, after shed ignored a couple of calls, I suggested we breakup.

 

This prompted an abusive outburst, saying I was sabotaging eveything. She tore into my manhood and I was just trying to be a good guy. She kept laying into me, telling me I was making a mistake and I was like - its clear you want out, Im trying to do the right thing by both of us here. Eventually, I snapped and couldnt handle it anymore and let out quite a few choice words of my own.

 

Ah it was soo ugly. Shes told mutual friends Im abusive and turned on her. Shes told me to never contact her again. Why? Because I stuck up for myself and she couldnt handle it, nor could handle me finally standing up to her and speaking to her like she did to me on a daily basis.

 

That girl was so beautiful (physically) I dont think shes ever had to apologise in her whole life, nor ever needed to develop the capacity for self awareness. I hope she does one day.

[Simon Phoenix]

yeah we wish a lot.. including me wishing I had done NC from day 1.. I think it would've ended better or gotten better and at least I would've felt better.

 

What hurt me was the fact that my ugly side came out. I normally never beg, never have anger, never want to get revenge on someone, never want to go off on someone etc..

 

But this BU brought all these things out of me and what pisses me off is I LET IT get the BEST of me.

 

If I learned another thing.. it is ALWAYS to be calm no matter what happens. And that never let anger get the best of you.

 

Normally I'm always caring and never want to hurt someone even if they hurt me. But with the BU it's like I wanted to get back at her at times for how she hurt me too. And that scares me thinking of it, because I;m normally never like that at all.

 

So I'm glad at least you are able to think clearly and calmly. Wish I had that for when I needed those skills the most.

 

Yeah, sucks that what led to the break was basically a drunken meltdown on my part. Then again, if she freaks at the first sign of me not being all cool, calm and collected, do I really want her in the first place? I think not.

[na49]

I wish that I went NC right after the BU and came here a lot earlier than I did. Oh well, I know for next time. It was my first BU so I had no idea of the proper way to deal with it, so I stuck around and cried like a desperate baby to my ex and convinced myself she'd be back. I went NC for almost two weeks and I caved. Then I went NC again a week later and have gone strong for almost a month. I was so happy and was able to enjoy myself so much more before I met her. So I know I'm capable of enjoying the single life and just doing me. The holidays are the worst time to be single in my opinion, but we are all in this together and we'll all deal with it in similar ways.

 

My biggest problem with blocking her number which I still know that I need to do is that it will be my way of "letting her go". The phone is the only ways of communication that I haven't blocked and cut off completely, so the door is always open for her to call. I know that she won't, and if she does I won't hear anything good and I'd set myself back trying to analyze what any text she sends me means. This shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is however because she let me go before she even broke up with me. She strung me along until I had an off day which I am capable of having to pull the plug.

 

I was such a nice guy at the start of my relationship. Always available and I never said "no". So I'd end up screwing myself over to try to make her happy. I felt like if I said no or didn't agree with something she said that she would leave me. (very stupid of me). Well as the relationship went on, I started to stick up for myself a bit more, get a bit more confident and feel a bit less dependent on her. I treated her like a princess but I felt like a slave. Which definitely isn't a good thing, which is why I decided to change. Did it end up burning me in the end? I don't think so. But I don't regret it, I need to stick up for myself more. Something that I am still working on now.

[cavalier99]

Well I'm done enough convincing myself. I'll tell my dad to block the number on Monday when he goes to work, and I won't look back. I'll feel much better about it when I see her, because seeing her just annoys me. I realize that is the only way for me. While others may not have needed to, I know that it will only be a distraction if I know that there is a chance of her being able to text me.

 

Nothing she texts me would be of any help to me though. What? She wants to be friends? Great, I'm not ready for that. She "misses me"? Yeah I'm sure. I don't get any texts from her because she never cared about me anyway? Great. If she wanted to talk to me, she'd unblock me on facebook or email me or something. If she doesn't want to talk to me, good because I don't really have anything to say to her right now anyway.

 

I also realize that this will be my way of sending her a message. When she is lonely and wants to talk to me as a friend, she won't be able to. She'll feel guilty and upset maybe a little confused. She told me when we were together that she stays friends with all of her ex boyfriends. Not me though, I bought into her too much to ever have her be around as just a friend. It's all about me now, and has nothing to do with her.

 

Thanks cavalier and everyone else.

 

You wrote this on Nov 30. Reread this thread. It is time to get over this getting texts blocking number drama. You wont heal like you need to if you don't follow thru after building this up so much. You've unfortunately sort of cornered yourself and now have to block just to overcome this irrational fear.

 

Youve done great with NC. BUT HAS ALL THIS DRAMA BEEN WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU DIDNT BLOCK THAT MONDAY?

Edited December 28, 2012 by cavalier99

[NoMoreJerks]

I have not "checked up" on my ex. He dumped me at the worst possible time of the year - 3 days before Christmas (what a dick), and if anyone should check up on anyone, it should be him checking up on me, after he blew off my Christmas plans because he promised he'd come visit me, then cancelled his plans on some flimsy excuse, shortly before dumping me... I do hope that there is such a thing as karma and that he'll suffer for what he did to me (use me then discard me, and even tell me that he had been using me!). I am not a mean person but my ex has brought out the worst in me, and frankly, I don't care if people think I'm mean - he fully deserves being miserable for what he did to me.

 

And yes, I'm having one of those angry days (as opposed to the feel-sorry-for-myself days).

 

Also, how do you block numbers? Is it an option on the actual mobile device, or should it be done through the phone company?

Edited December 28, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[na49]

You wrote this on Nov 30. Reread this thread. It is time to get over this getting texts blocking number drama. You wont heal like you need to if you don't follow thru after building this up so much. You've unfortunately sort of cornered yourself and now have to block just to overcome this irrational fear.

 

Youve done great with NC. BUT HAS ALL THIS DRAMA BEEN WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU DIDNT BLOCK THAT MONDAY?

 

and only a freaking month later I finally go through with it. You've been pushing me to do it since day one. Thanks a lot man.

[cavalier99]

I have not "checked up" on my ex. He dumped me at the worst possible time of the year - 3 days before Christmas (what a dick), and if anyone should check up on anyone, it should be him checking up on me, after he blew off my Christmas plans because he promised he'd come visit me, then cancelled his plans on some flimsy excuse, shortly before dumping me... I do hope that there is such a thing as karma and that he'll suffer for what he did to me (use me then discard me, and even tell me that he had been using me!). I am not a mean person but my ex has brought out the worst in me, and frankly, I don't care if people think I'm mean - he fully deserves being miserable for what he did to me.

 

And yes, I'm having one of those angry days (as opposed to the feel-sorry-for-myself days).

 

Also, how do you block numbers? Is it an option on the actual mobile device, or should it be done through the phone company?

 

I'm not sure in Canada. I did it on the carriers web site. (Verizon for me) You type in the number to block

[LostOne1]

I wish that I went NC right after the BU and came here a lot earlier than I did. Oh well, I know for next time. It was my first BU so I had no idea of the proper way to deal with it, so I stuck around and cried like a desperate baby to my ex and convinced myself she'd be back. I went NC for almost two weeks and I caved. Then I went NC again a week later and have gone strong for almost a month. I was so happy and was able to enjoy myself so much more before I met her. So I know I'm capable of enjoying the single life and just doing me. The holidays are the worst time to be single in my opinion, but we are all in this together and we'll all deal with it in similar ways.

 

My biggest problem with blocking her number which I still know that I need to do is that it will be my way of "letting her go". The phone is the only ways of communication that I haven't blocked and cut off completely, so the door is always open for her to call. I know that she won't, and if she does I won't hear anything good and I'd set myself back trying to analyze what any text she sends me means. This shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is however because she let me go before she even broke up with me. She strung me along until I had an off day which I am capable of having to pull the plug.

 

I was such a nice guy at the start of my relationship. Always available and I never said "no". So I'd end up screwing myself over to try to make her happy. I felt like if I said no or didn't agree with something she said that she would leave me. (very stupid of me). Well as the relationship went on, I started to stick up for myself a bit more, get a bit more confident and feel a bit less dependent on her. I treated her like a princess but I felt like a slave. Which definitely isn't a good thing, which is why I decided to change. Did it end up burning me in the end? I don't think so. But I don't regret it, I need to stick up for myself more. Something that I am still working on now.

werid.. I did the same too. Did so much for her and never said no.

 

In fact I never said no... and she told me at one point it's OKAY to tell her NO at times. Then I stuck up for myself a lot and she would get mad over time saying she wishes she never told me I could say NO lol... I guess it was good, because I used to always agree with her or do what ever she wanted without complaining. But now I'd complain a lot or just be more honest rather than agreeing all the time just for her sake.

 

But see I don't think that type of relationship is HEALTHY for us... we SHOULD have a partner, who is okay with us saying NO or standing up for ourselves when we feel we need too. If my girl wants me to do something and I really can't or don't feel like it.. I should have the right to say no and not feel bad or scared in anyway.

 

But that doesn't mean I can slack off and say no to everything. There has to be a fair point, where it's a genuine no for a GOOD reason. And there should be times we both agree on things and a yes comes out.

 

I guess we both had un-healthy relationships.... we both were scared of pissing off our ex's, so we did what they wanted at first and then stood up for ourselves and changed. And maybe this change wasn't good for them, because they didn't want it. It's almost as if they say us saying yes always, and assumed that's how we are. But when they noticed we stand up for ourselves it changed their perception of how we are... and maybe it didn't fit their style.

[NoMoreJerks]

^ my ex used to tell me i should suggest stuff to do rather than always go along with what he suggested. But any time I did suggest something to do, he'd shoot me down and say he wasn't up for it, and then accuse me of being selfish for suggesting it when I know he's so tired after a long day of work (because he was supposedly here "for work, not for fun"). I mean, it's not like I suggested anything unreasonable. We used to eat out all the time, so I would suggest that we go to a different restaurant, and any time that I suggested going out, he would not want to go out. He'd want to eat in. And the days that I didn't suggest going out, he'd want to go out... there just was no winning with him. That's why I never suggested anything in the first place, not because I don't have a spine of my own..

[NoMoreJerks]

I'm not sure in Canada. I did it on the carriers web site. (Verizon for me) You type in the number to block

Thanks. I think my device has a feature to block #s that I choose. I don't think my carrier has that feature.

[LostOne1]

Thanks. I think my device has a feature to block #s that I choose. I don't think my carrier has that feature.

In Canada you can't block numbers with a provider. BUT you can block the numbers on most phones. There is an option to block a certain number from texts/calls etc...