Samms22 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 The World English Dictionary defines infatuation as: "to inspire or fill with foolish, shallow, or extravagant passion." My story is simple. Due to my immaturity and partly due to convenience, I endured a relationship with my ex who was simply infatuated with me. Without getting to know me really she fell head over heels and became obsessed with me. I could see every time she kissed me she would melt like butter... every time she saw me it was with this look of admiration that would make most people blush. The kicker? I didn't feel the same way. I don't even think I ever loved her... but the thing is, I wanted to love her. It was a stupid mistake on my part to force things, but I digress... When I would say red , she would say red. When I would ask if blue was blue, she would ask me if blue was blue. It was complete propitiation and a complete slave state it seemed like. She put her family and friends aside for me and me only. She gave EVERYTHING up (and I was encouraging her not to but she took this as "oh you don't love me anymore.") Coupled with the fact that her self-esteem was rock bottom due to cheating on a "nice guy" for a guy that physically abused her the year earlier, I had a real project lifting her up. And it was exhausting. She could never accept or own a compliment. She never believed she was beautiful when I would tell her. But the question is: Does the infatuation ever last? She finally had feelings for another guy and after we moved in together all hell broke loose. She started to dislike my foibles and then ultimately cheated on me. The infatuation had gone... but what is the correct way to approach a relationship when infatuation is involved What should I have done here? Breaking up with her when she was infatuated state would have destroyed her. We would talk about it and she said she would have been destroyed for years...And also, do LSers know this type of woman? Could I have been James Bond with her and she still would have gone out and sought the attention of another man after a time and ultimately cheated?
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 This woman will jump head first into every relationship she enters. She seeks validation from men and once she feels that slipping away a little, she's gone (e.g. cheated on nice guy, cheated on you), and will do it again. My ex was like this and this'll help you in your future dating endeavors. You'll recognize it and be more cautious next time (if you find one again). The problem with these type of people (men and women) is they seek something you/we can never give them. Either value, confidence, self worth (being good enough) can only come from within. These people are broken, healthy people cannot fix them no matter how much we try. So as soon as they sense they aren't getting what they desire value, confidence, whatever (to get fixed), they leave to find someone who will (which will NEVER happen). 2
Author Samms22 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 This woman will jump head first into every relationship she enters. She seeks validation from men and once she feels that slipping away a little, she's gone (e.g. cheated on nice guy, cheated on you), and will do it again. My ex was like this and this'll help you in your future dating endeavors. You'll recognize it and be more cautious next time (if you find one again). The problem with these type of people (men and women) is they seek something you/we can never give them. Either value, confidence, self worth (being good enough) can only come from within. These people are broken, healthy people cannot fix them no matter how much we try. So as soon as they sense they aren't getting what they desire value, confidence, whatever (to get fixed), they leave to find someone who will (which will NEVER happen). Wow. You literally just nailed her so well I had something shift in my mind. You basically described her to a T... she does jump head first into every relationship. She cheated on her "nice guy" because he wasn't quite ready to have sex with her yet. She is now into another relationship and she basically went from my bed to his bed in a matter of one night. It's unbelievable how well you nailed her pathology. She was constantly seeking value, confidence and self-worth from me and when I would give it to her, she would reject it and it made me feel like crap. She couldn't believe that someone could love her just because of her self-hatred. And for every bad remark I made (1000-1) it just ate away ate her until she exploded because she needed constant reassurance and supplication. It's funny that you say she'll move right along with a new guy who gives her validation when she perceives the current one is lost because she's now hooking up with a degraded loser who doesn't work, is a drug-user and is about a 4 if I'm a 10. She was saying and doing things that were very unlike her and is now a different person.
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 It's funny that you say she'll move right along with a new guy who gives her validation Let me clarify something. She "thinks" she's getting fulfillment from this new person. The truth is she is fundamentally broken, when the euphoria of the "honeymoon phase" wears off she will fall back to exactly what she is; a broken, empty, unhappy person. This is the vicious cycle. She'll blame him for her returning to this sunken state and try to regain whatever she's looking for with the only thing that she "thinks" makes her happy (honeymoon phase euphoria). The man really doesn't matter (4 or 10), her feelings do. Either 1 month, 6 months, or 10 years down the road she'll realize that nobody but herself can make her happy (to become fixed and truly healthy).
Author Samms22 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Let me clarify something. She "thinks" she's getting fulfillment from this new person. The truth is she is fundamentally broken, when the euphoria of the "honeymoon phase" wears off she will fall back to exactly what she is; a broken, empty, unhappy person. This is the vicious cycle. She'll blame him for her returning to this sunken state and try to regain whatever she's looking for with the only thing that she "thinks" makes her happy (honeymoon phase euphoria). The man really doesn't matter (4 or 10), her feelings do. Either 1 month, 6 months, or 10 years down the road she'll realize that nobody but herself can make her happy (to become fixed and truly healthy). This very true. I actually feel bad for her but it's something everyone has to learn. We actually talked a few days ago and she said that she realized that she wasn't happy with herself and that she's trying to like herself... but she looked miserable. She looked unhappy and out of it and in grief. Once the honeymoon phase with the new guy ends, she'll wonder what happened and will keep going from guy to guy until she realizes what you pointed out. Did your infatuated ex ever say things like "Why are you with me?" and "I can't believe you'd ever date me?" It was exhausting reassuring her that I thought she was worthy.
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) Did your infatuated ex ever say things like "Why are you with me?" and "I can't believe you'd ever date me?" It was exhausting reassuring her that I thought she was worthy. YES, exactly, then they leave. Mind boggling at the time (was for me). Then I started to hear Gibson talk about broken people, it became much more clearer then. Edited November 30, 2012 by NavyAirTraffic
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