LDR about to break up

[Tyrandi]

Hey guys, this is my first post here, but enjoy the read!

 

Edit: Oh my god, it's longer than I thought :| Sorry about this guys, but all the information is vital!

 

I've been seeing my girlfriend for almost a year now (I'm 21 male, she's 20). It's been an amazing ride so far, with people saying to us that we are as good as a couple can get. Whenever we have issues, we immediately talk to each other about it, work things out and within a few hours we love and understand one another better than before. We do incredibly sweet things for each other (I got an extravagant riddle-search, gifts filled with childhood memories and tickets to see something that I've always wanted to see for my birthday after being together for only 2 months). Things were blissful, we were happy as we ever could be. And I thought how lucky I was with her in my life, and how she's the most amazing girl I've ever met in my life.

 

Then I went on exchange abroad 5 months ago. At the beginning of the relationship I told her I wanted to be single for that, but as the relationship grew I knew I had to hold on to her, as she was something special to have. Things worked out great in the beginning. We skyped a lot, texted a lot and went even more love-gooey than we did before. I never felt so close to anyone in my life.

 

But everything changed a couple of weeks ago. I'm about to return home, and 2 weeks ago she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore. Understandable, I thought, as I knew coming here that she would probably not be in love with me after a while, and I was surprised we lasted this long. She still really liked me, wanted to kiss me and be with me. She just wanted me to know this. Then a few days later we talked about this again, and I told her that I thought of something that may have caused her to not be in love with me. 2.5 months ago I planned a surprise trip back home to visit her, out of the blue. It cost me everything I had basically, and it took me halfway around the world to see her. But by gosh it was worth it. The only problem was that I wanted her to know that I was there for her, not for anyone else. Not for my friends, not for my family, but for her. So I stayed in her apartment for the next 2.5 weeks. We had a lot of fun, but I chose quantity over quality, which was a stupid decision for me to do. Because I realize now it was a sudden change for her, and I needed to give her some space to adjust. She loved the trip, I'm not questioning that, but it did put a strain on our relationship I believe.

 

However, she told me that that wasn't really the issue. The issue was that she wasn't sure if she was ready for a relationship and if I was the right guy for her. She may wanted someone who was a bit more dominant or extroverted. I was a bit in shock by this (in my head), but saw her point as she herself was very extroverted. She is very popular, absolutely gorgeous and loves to be around people. I'm more of a nice guy and I prefer more quiet nights in. However, whenever I tell this to people they are confused as well, as I don't strike as an introverted person and to be honest, I'm not entirely. I love being around people as well, talking to people and whenever we go to a party I don't sulk alone at the bar until she's ready to go again (which I've seen some relationship couples do). I actively have a good time and people think I'm a very outgoing, confident and spontaneous guy. And even though I'm not as extroverted as her, I never restrain her in anything. I always let her be who she is and let her be her funny self.

 

Now this has been more than a week ago and our texting has gone downhill. Before she would say that she liked me, that she thinks I'm sweet, that she thinks of me and everything (a lot more when things were going well, obviously). Or just send random text messages throughout the day. But now we just rapport how our days were and that's... it. I always say goodnight to her, but she forgets occasionally. She also doesn't respond to messages as quickly anymore, even though I know she read them. Nor does she sometimes reply to things I've said, even though they are very obvious and fun things to respond to. I try to limit my texting to her, let her wait sometimes, tell her that I've got some big news for her so she gets excited about things (which does work), but it's like playing a game and I hate it. I'm giving her less attention, so she can miss me more, as if I'm always there she will never miss me.

 

Note that all of this happened 1.5 weeks after she send me a surprise her. She sent me a balloon (to remind me of a funny story of us) with a smiley face on it, 2 cups which represented us (one of travelling, one filled with hearts), both filled to the brim with M&M's (as we eat that whenever we have a movie night in) and a baby lion card, which was supposedly a hint for the future (she always gives hints for surprises she has planned). Then together with this she wrote me a letter of 2 pages long, in which she said that she loved me so much, was waiting for me and couldn't wait for me to come back. She wished me good luck with my exams and that she would always be waiting for me. So generally, a very sweet note and especially with the hint for a surprise, something good for a future. Then 1.5 week later all this happened.

 

I have several ideas why this happened:

1. We can't be crazy anymore. All we can say to each other are sweet things because of the distance. She really likes the teasing and the bashing of one another, and she also misses the physical aspect I believe. So basically, distance sucks.

2. Her house is very dominant and extroverted and she wanted to spend more time with them. They didn't quite like me, so they might have said something to her to induce this.

3. She realizes her life goes on. She doesn't miss me as much as she did before, as she meets so many new people and does so much. And she realizes she can do all of this fine without me.

4. She met someone else. Quite a lot of people said this actually, because how else could she change her behavior within 1.5-2 weeks so drastically. Pretty much everyone who meets her thinks she's amazing, so she gets a lot of attention from guys. Seeing as I'm not around, she might want to fill that gap with some other guy. That also might've sparked her saying that she's not sure if I'm the right guy for her, as I may be too nice for her. She wants someone a bit more douchebaggy, a bit more bad boy, which a lot of her friends are. Too be honest, I find this quite immature, as the reason why girls are attracted to bad boys is the confidence and the spontaneous nature that they have. I have a lot of confidence myself and attract quite a bit of attention from girls that way, so I'm not sure what she would gain by dating a bad boy.

5. She's not ready for a mature relationship. I'm her first boyfriend (although she has dated quite a bit of guys, but I'm her first relationship) and she sometimes wanted that things would go a bit more smoothly. That she didn't have to wait for things to happen, but that they just did. Too be honest, this is also a sign of immaturity, as no relationship is without bumps. You have to work for a relationship if you find the other person worthy enough, and work things out. Seeing as this is a LDR (for now), it does involve some work even though it's not always fun.

 

This all reminds me a lot of something that I just read: The grass is greener syndrome:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome

 

Now I'm not so sure what to do anymore. I'm having a talk with her tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I should bring something up as every time I do, it seems our relationship is going further down the drain. She doesn't want to break up with me, as she doesn't want to hurt me over skype, but she did say that she was quite confident in what she wanted. Now I want to tell her that I want her to give us a fair chance when I get back, as distance does distortion views. I don't want the battle to be fought yet, as I want to be given a fair chance.

 

I've got a plan for when I get back. The first day I get back I will take the train home from the airport (give the luggage to my parents), as otherwise we have to sit in the backseat of my parents car, which will make physical contact very awkward. People say it's a good idea, what do you guys think?

Secondly, I want to give her some attention that first day, seeing as I'm all back and everything and want to "reward" her for waiting for me, but not too much. I'll spend the morning and early afternoon with her, and afterwards she will have to go to class. I want to ask her to come to her place that night and just basically have a good time.

The next day I want to give her minimal contact, so basically just in the morning I will go to her place. The rest of the day I will be meeting with friends, having fun and preparing for tomorrow, seeing as..

The next day I have a surprise for her. She has class between 3 and 5, and I want to break into her room with the help of her housemates. I want to rekindle our relationship, to make her remember why we got together in the first place and why we work so well together. Why it's always an absolute blast whenever we are together and make her want me again. I will put a raincoat on her bed with a rose on top, to make her remember how we met. I will put horror trailers on her computer, as that's how she wanted to make me hold her hands on our first date (she likes horror, it's weird ^^). I will pull out a table, put 2 glasses of wine there and a bottle of some cheap wine, together with some cards with questions on them, as we always used to do that when we wanted to learn more about each other. I know she doesn't drink wine, so I will tell her that we're going to drink something else instead, which is hiding under the table (to show her that I know her). All this while her entire room is lit by candles, as she always used to do that to make her room more cozy.

It's a romantic gesture, and I want to use this time to make her realize that we do fit well together. The question is however, if this will work. But I'd rather try than thinking that I haven't given it my all.

 

I will be talking with her tomorrow, and hopefully will get more knowledge about whats going on in her head. Because of my plan that I described above I don't want her to break up with me in the first few days after I get back. So I will tell her to give us a chance when I get back, a fair chance, so no prejudgements, to make sure that doesn't happen.

 

Otherwise I thought to myself that I should be the one to break up with her. The one who breaks up always has the power, even subconsciously, which is something that might be off in our relationship. I'm not appalled by this idea, as I do want to be with someone who knows what she wants (to a degree), as I'm pretty certain what I want myself. And with her being able to change her mind within 1.5 weeks... I'm not sure if I can be with a person who's like that at the current moment.

 

And that's basically the whole story. It's quite a story, but I've given it a lot of thought as well. What do you guys think is the reason why she's acting out all of a sudden and what I should do? Give her a chance, or break up myself, or don't do anything?

 

Any ideas are welcome, especially after such a long read you can hardly not respond

[justwhoiam]

Guys like that kind of planning... and I'm not sure you got what she said really the right way.

 

She says she loves a guy who can be dominant with her. That's a pretty clear message. I guess many women would share that thought. That has to do with attitude basically, how you deal with things... Do you suggest how to spend the night or your best idea is to sit on the couch and watch a movie? If it's the latter, after a while you can come across as boring, or at least lacking personality or just too lazy for anything. Girls like guys who have ideas, who know what they want... who think of crazy things to do together, who can arrange special moments (and by this I don't mean a dinner at home with candles, that might be an idea, but there are tons of others). Also, you mentioned so many things she gave to you, but what did you give to her? I've just read that one of the most frequent complaints from women is: I give, give, give... and I get nothing in return. I guess guys sometimes just get advantage from what they get, on any level, and don't think of their partner's needs.

 

You don't have to become a jerk to be dominant. Also, you didn't mention anything about being intimate and sex. So that whole part is literally missing from your long post and it might be an essential part.

 

Travelling by train just the two of you will mean being together with no way out for a certain amount of time. No barriers either. It can be awkward. I know for myself, because I took the train with him after he picked me up at the airport and we were sort of through some bad time. I was cold, and it sort of felt awkward, because I didn't know what was through his mind, if he still loved me, if he still wanted me. But I'd never make the first move, so he did. He wouldn't stop staring at me, and I couldn't stand it, because I felt observed... but then when we got off the train he held me and it felt like nothing else could even compare to that... (if you know what I mean). You need to make first moves, but without insisting too much not to make her uncomfortable. You can feel what she will like and what not.

[Toddbt12y1]

Although it started off well, now it is headed on a path to doom. Indeed, she is immature, and is mixed up. Try being back around her for a bit, and if she is still cold, I'd say it's time to move on.

She could have found another person or not. Her wanting a jerk will come back to haunt her. Seems like you are a great Guy. Shame, you are creating a future for you two, this is just as hard for you; thus, she should be willing to wait.

Sounds like she only wants a good time; to have fun. She needs to understand life is so much more than that. Her friend's could be right,you will know soon enough.

You should not reward her for waiting. That seems immature too. Fact is, she should be willing to wait(I'm not saying do not get her a gift when you return...do so.) But reward system to try to change her feelings will not work and will leave you broke.

GL!

[Tyrandi]

You two make a valid point. So you're saying I should not do the romantic gesture when I get back, but instead plan something a bit more.. fun and exciting? (Even though those nights in we both really loved. She loves to chill out and stay in and talk all night long). I could try and do that, but hold some of the stuff I had planned for her for later that night.

 

And I did do a whole lot of things for her as well. I traveled across the world to see her whilst I was away on exchange. I told her I went hiking, but instead I took the plane and flew home to surprise her (18000 kilometers). Many other times I did smaller things, or took her on unexpected dates. People say I do crazy things for her, but I do that because she deserves it and does the same for me as well.

The main thing that I'm worried about with this, is that I could only do the really sweet stuff with her whilst I was away. I couldn't do something fun or crazy with her, as I wasn't physically there.

 

And yeah, the physical part is lacking. Not just because of the distance, but also because of my lack of dominance in this department. We are both virgins, and as a guy I did try to... move things up. But I try to be respectful as well, as she never even had a guy touch her breasts or anything. So it took us a long time (4 months) before we were physically ready to be next to eachother naked, or take a bath together. But she still wasn't ready for sex and I didn't want to push her. She always remained uncomfortable to a degree, even with my help. When I went away she got really in the mood for sex, because she was on holiday with her girlfriends, so automatically they talk about that sort of stuff, and because of the heat and the general missing of physical touch I guess.

We talked about this 2 weeks ago and she did say that it was one of the reasons she fell out of love with me, because I lacked dominance in this area. I realized this before however, and told her I didn't like the way things were going either, so I wanted to mix things up. In reply, she told me that she didn't want to wait for me to change like that, as she just wanted things to just... work (this is the only area where we ever had an argument in, and the only area that didn't work as much as we had hoped). Now this seems a bit crue to me, as no person can truly feel what a girl wants from the beginning. She never had any physical touch, so whenever I tried to be dominant, she pushed me away. I can see now how I can be dominant, yet still respectful at the same time, but I do want to be given a chance to show that as all this came up whilst I was away for 6 months.

 

However, this may sound odd, but this is also an area that could help me if I wanted to get her back if we do break up. By basically being dominant in this area I can make her more excited, even if we break up. As this is the only area that we didn't work on, it could reignite everything. It's an interesting thought and one that always makes me sort of hopeful for the future.

 

I think I will travel by train. Even if it might be awkward, it will always be less awkward than with my parents. And by doing that, I show dominance and assertiveness as well.

 

I also still have a question how I can be more dominant and assertive whilst texting. I try be more myself whenever I'm with a girl I'm not interested in, which is more cocky & funny, and basically make jokes about her, but let her know that I am still joking. More teasing and being playful. It seems to be working to a degree, but I still wonder what else I could be doing to be more dominant through texting.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Tyrandi

[justwhoiam]

So you're saying I should not do the romantic gesture when I get back, but instead plan something a bit more.. fun and exciting?

I have read everything you wrote. Romantic gestures will make you sweet, which is good, but not dominant. So if that's all you will do, I guess nothing will change in her mind. Also, one doesn't exclude the other, that is being dominant doesn't mean you can't be sweet.

 

(Even though those nights in we both really loved. She loves to chill out and stay in and talk all night long).

Who wouldn't... The problem is when it's just that. Also, being next to her all night doesn't make you feel like making out with her? She can feel something's wrong...

 

I traveled across the world to see her whilst I was away on exchange. I told her I went hiking, but instead I took the plane and flew home to surprise her (18000 kilometers). Many other times I did smaller things, or took her on unexpected dates.

My question was: what did you give to her? You didn't mention a single thing, should I assume you never gave her anything? Though we already know you're sweet, so that's not the core problem here.

 

And yeah, the physical part is lacking. Not just because of the distance, but also because of my lack of dominance in this department. We are both virgins, and as a guy I did try to... move things up. But I try to be respectful as well

You can't be passionate and not touching her at the same time. It's one or the other. There might be places where she doesn't feel like being touched, but she never reached that point when she can let herself go. And you can't be dominant and delicate... That doesn't mean you have to force her to do anything! Be respectful but passionate. If you're so controlled, you can't be passionate.

 

She always remained uncomfortable to a degree, even with my help.

Well, you also need to consider the fact that you might not be sexually compatible. Or lacking sexual chemistry.

 

When I went away she got really in the mood for sex

Ok... but in the mood for sex WITH YOU? Or attracted to other guys? That's the problem... Maybe you just don't arouse her.

 

she did say that it was one of the reasons she fell out of love with me, because I lacked dominance in this area. I realized this before however, and told her I didn't like the way things were going either, so I wanted to mix things up. In reply, she told me that she didn't want to wait for me to change like that, as she just wanted things to just... work

Quite typical. It must be either natural or not worth it. Things should flow naturally. You need to want her, and she should want you.

 

Now this seems a bit crue to me, as no person can truly feel what a girl wants from the beginning.

You mean "cruel"? Well, you might not know what she wants from the start, but here I guess she didn't know what you wanted either... I guess she dreams of a passionate guy...

 

whenever I tried to be dominant, she pushed me away.

It also depends on how you did it, when (was it the right timing?). You need to make her want you, that's key, before you engage in anything coming across as dominant. Otherwise she won't be ready.

 

this is also an area that could help me if I wanted to get her back if we do break up. By basically being dominant in this area I can make her more excited, even if we break up.

She will be more excited if you break up? If you say so... but I don't see how.

 

As this is the only area that we didn't work on, it could reignite everything.

Yes. But it has to be natural.

 

I think I will travel by train. Even if it might be awkward, it will always be less awkward than with my parents. And by doing that, I show dominance and assertiveness as well.

I agree with that. If you get a limo, it's even better I guess. No people around. But it'd be too risky for you. So go with the train.

 

how I can be more dominant and assertive whilst texting

You can go on being sweet, but alternate that to more assertive moments. Tell her you want her. Don't hide your sexuality. Let her know how you feel. And have ideas to start with. Be creative. Be blunt at times.

 

I try be more myself whenever I'm with a girl I'm not interested in, which is more cocky & funny

I don't like the flirty kind of guy, so I can't comment on that. If that's your real nature, you shouldn't force yourself to be someone else, you need to find a girl who can like you as you are, probably a flirty girl. That's what you might get.

 

By the way, if I were you, I would be more concerned about how I can be dominant while physically with her, than while texting.

Edited December 1, 2012 by justwhoiam

[Tyrandi]

Thanks for your input!

 

I think the physical aspect is indeed a very important one, I know it is for her. Before she met me, she never gave out hugs to people and people called her "antisocial" for that. But with me, she just couldn't stop touching me. And I feel the same way with her, whenever I'm with her I cannot ever not touch her. Whenever we're together we're pretty much always close to one another. Her lying against me, passionately making out, holding her all the time etcetera. She loves it when we're both doing something different in her room, and suddenly our paths cross in the middle of the room, and we just stop and make out for a long time in the middle of her room, sometimes moving towards the bed.

 

She always commented on how I always got her excited. How she got that tingling feeling in her stomach when I was standing in front of her, about to kiss her. Or when she felt that I was closing up from behind her, about to put my arms around her. In one of her letters to me she did note that me turning her on was one of the major plusses of me. But, since I'm far away from her, it's kind of hard to do. I did initiate sexting quite a few times, or made sexually implicit remarks to her. But nothing ever replaces the real deal.

 

Whenever I talk about these things I just cannot see how we drifted apart so much. I'm contemplating breaking up with her tonight when we skype, to put the control in my hands. When I text her now it doesn't feel like texting my girlfriend, but more like a friend anyway. I want to ask her tonight if she is willing to give us a fair chance when I get back. If she says no, I will break up, as there's no point in fighting a battle I can't win. By breaking up myself, I will hold more dominance, initiate no contact with her and see where things go when I get back.

[TMichaels]

I'm contemplating breaking up with her tonight when we skype, to put the control in my hands. When I text her now it doesn't feel like texting my girlfriend, but more like a friend anyway. I want to ask her tonight if she is willing to give us a fair chance when I get back. If she says no, I will break up, as there's no point in fighting a battle I can't win. By breaking up myself, I will hold more dominance, initiate no contact with her and see where things go when I get back.

 

Oh yes, I agree. Playing games and making sure you're the one who dumps her first will definitely make her love you more.

 

{rolling eyes; shaking head}

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Tyrandi]

It's a game, a horrible game at that, but unfortunately those things works. All the girls I talk to say that they hate those games guys do, but at the same time they do realize that they work. Every girl, from the shy ones to the extremely outgoing ones, say that those games work, unfortunately enough. I'd love to live in a world where it didn't, but I have to face reality that they do.

 

But to be more on-topic. I just talked to her and, even though I initiated the break up, we ended up breaking up on even terms. We were both fine with it. She's not ready for a relationship basically, and because of the distance she had to do too much effort for it. I am ready for a relationship, but those two things just collide and for now, it can't work. I'm happy how it went, she took it very well and was actually relieved, we had a few laughs and after a while I decided to end the conversation.

 

Now I'm unsure how to proceed from here. Even though I said that I'm ok with it, I am only ok with it to a certain degree. The only thing wrong in our relationship is that she's unsure of what she wants and that she doesn't want to do too much effort. I don't want to burn our bridges completely, as those things could and probably will change in the future (unless she ends up as a crazy old cat lady, which I highly doubt... although she does love cats). So basically I want to remain connected, but I've heard, read and seen that a time of no contact between people who just broke up can do wonders for their relationship or even their friendship later on. Some time to think things through and be on their own will work well. I'm simply unsure how to do that; Should I ignore her texts when she texts back, or simply reply when it's very late. Or simply tell her in a nice way that I would like to be alone for the next few weeks. I told her that in the past week I felt a bit forced to text her back, and she got a bit upset by that. So I'm unsure how to proceed.

 

It's also going to be hard to initiate no contact, or to make it have the same effect, because of the fact that I said that I felt a bit forced texting her. How she will probably feel reluctant to text me (we will see I guess) and we've already planned a time for us to meet. She won't pick me up from the airport, as it would just be too awkward, but we did decide to meet up a few days later and then go to our student union together.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Tyrandi

[justwhoiam]

Oh yes, I agree. Playing games and making sure you're the one who dumps her first will definitely make her love you more.

 

{rolling eyes; shaking head}

 

Best,

TMichaels

I agree with TMichaels, this can really turn against you. A real man doesn't run away when the first challenge crosses his path. On the other hand, if she fell out of love for you, she might have shifted her interest to else. GL

[Tyrandi]

Oh I agree, and trust me did I try. But if it's an uphill battle which I can't win, and there's no point to it, I'd rather end it myself, and I did. I will help me cope with the break up better as I initiated is, as it already will be easier for her.

 

She said that she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she couldn't juggle and manage both me and all of her friends. Me being away the past couple of months she realised that she neglected some of her friends and she doesn't want that. It being LDR as well made her feel like she had to put too much effort into it. She's a simple girl, she just wants to have fun and not worry too much.

 

That gives me hope for the future, as those things can easily change, but I don't want to wait around for her, as it is something I obviously don't need or want in a relationship. But I don't want to burn any bridges, and one of the most common mistakes you can make after a break up, and I saw this myself as well, is to remain in contact and as friends. Friendzoning yourself will break any chance of reigniting her interest.

[TMichaels]

It's a game, a horrible game at that, but unfortunately those things works. All the girls I talk to say that they hate those games guys do, but at the same time they do realize that they work. Every girl, from the shy ones to the extremely outgoing ones, say that those games work, unfortunately enough. I'd love to live in a world where it didn't, but I have to face reality that they do.

 

Maybe one day you'll understand what's the secret to a genuine, loving, lasting relationship.

 

Hint: It's not game playing despite what "the girls you talk to" tell you.

 

Double Hint: If you want a realistic, accurate opinion, start talking to *women*.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Tyrandi]

I agree, true love should hold no games. And i never did play games with my girlfriend until now, nor with most of the girls that I find for that matter. I'm good enough as it is and if they don't like me for that, then it's not meant to be and someone else will. Playing games is to show a side which is not truly yourself, but you do it to attain the best outcome for yourself or others. It's not showing a side which is not you, but you simply emphasize certain parts. People do it all the time, not just in relationships, but in general interaction with others. It's one of the most fundamental aspects of psyhology, just used in a relationship type of way.

 

And unfortunately I'm only 21. I don't meet women, I meet girls for the most part. The women that I have so far did indeed show more appreciation for the nice guy, but they still said that bad boys had a certain attraction and playing games works to a certain degree. If you can show me women who are otherwise, I'd love to meet them

 

Either way, I'm still interested in what everyone has to say

[PepperPotts]

It sounds to me like *neither* of you are ready for a relationship. You like the idea of one, but you're focused on keeping control of it and playing games.

 

Dude, you will not be ready for a relationship until you can learn to trust someone. That means giving up control.

 

Play games with your partner's affection and you deserve the pain you get. I know that's harsh, but it's true. So what if they work in the short term? They don't in the long run. Eventually people realize you're messing with them. And then you're done. Games are lies and deception, not a foundation for a relationship.

 

You know what else works to keep a girl around? Tying her up in your basement, threatening her with physical harm, and threatening her family and friends. We live in in a world where that works. But the fact that those things will keep a girl around you longer does not make it at all acceptable for you to do those things. There are thousands of things you will come across in your lifetime that you *could* do. That doesn't mean you *should* do any of them, and trying to manipulate a woman's feelings to make her love you is definitely one you should avoid.

 

I also think you're probably not ready because you don't seem all that broken up about this break up. You seem like you're ok with it except for the fact that on paper it should have worked. At no point have you said "I am so in love with her and my heart is broken."

 

You'll be ready to try again when you find a woman you really love-- one you don't want to control or keep around by using drama and being passive aggressive. Until then, date casually and focus on growing as a person.

[Tyrandi]

Oh dear, I think you've all mistaken me completely. I don't like those games, I háte them. I did everything I could to avoid them and have done so very well. I feel like I'm naturally myself when I'm around other people, relaxed and confident, and don't have to put up a mask to hide who I truly am most of the time. However, these times do happen occasionally, for everyone and not just in relationships. When you're going to a job interview, you won't tell them that you're sometimes very lazy, or that you get piss drunk on tuesday and will probably be unproductive on wednesday. By not saying those things, you're playing a game. When you're on the first few dates with a new person, you won't tell them that you had anorexia when you were young and still have trouble coping with it from time to time. By not being completely who you are, you avoid confrontation and generally give yourself and the other some time to value the other person and "accept" their flaws later on. It prevents you from hurting the other and yourself. You can never put on this mask forever, as that would just hurt you and the other person, but I believe that it is ok to do so from time to time. If everybody would be telling the truth to each other constantly, we'd have chaos. Playing games is, unfortunately, a part of life. But this is just my view on this and like with everything, views can and probably will change.

 

When it comes to playing games with my ex, it's something that I don't like doing. Yet I know that from previous break ups, pouring my heart out will only do harm. If I could, and it would help, I would tell her with all my heart and soul that she's making the biggest mistake of her life, that I'm the right guy for her, that we were so incredibly happy together when we were physically together, and for that reason that I should be given a chance. And that if not, I will be waiting for her for a very long time, as she is the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life.

 

Yes, I could say that. But I think by saying that I will only push her away (like I did in previous break ups, to a lesser degree), as she needs some space right now. I'm not too broken up about it, because I try to look at things from her perspective as well. It's easy to think that she's some heartless cruel monster out there to rip out my heart and feast on it, but the truth is she's a caring and loving girl that I truly love. By looking at it from her perspective as well, I can look more rationally at everything and see that it's not her, it's not me, but it's just that we're not right for each other at the current time.